A comprehensive website about emunah and core Torah concepts, with analysis and explanation of the writer’s personal growth experiences in Avodas Hashem and understanding of our relationship with HaKadosh Baruch Hu.
We as well as all that happens to us comes through finite and limited means;however, it is filled by Infinite light. Our soul, by recognizing this, enable Hashem to draw the Infinte light thru our mind and heart and into the world when we do mitzvahs.
When i said mode ani this morning, the meaning of waking up alive struck me like this…thank you for giving me a limited physical existence in a world that limits Your light so that I may recognize You and in so doing experience the purpose of life, to channel in Your goodness that does Infinite work beyond what I can know into the world through speech and deeds, through Torah, avoda, chesed and mitzvahs.
Lets see how this works with a strong reaction, insult, rejection, anger, fear and the like. In the same way as we taste soup without really eating, so too we bring the reaction into our mind’s eye with compassion on the Shechina -the Infinite light that fills all limited vessels. In hisbodedus, we describe it in detail, the more we recognize of our data and will to go above our natural reaction out of love for Him that enthusiastic submission opens a channel for Infinite light to be available to fill torah learning, avoda, blessings, and mitzvahs with a redeemed “new” light.
Our Chachamim explain that Moshiach is born on Tisha B’Av . This cannot refer to
Moshaich’s actual birth because Moshiach will not be an infant when he redeems
our people, but rather to a strengthening of his influence. For our chachamim
refer to a birthday as a day when mazalo gover. “The spiritual source of
one’s neshama shines powerfully.”
On the day when Moshiach’s spiritual source is
powerfully strengthened there is a unique potential for the Geulah to
come. Tisha B’av is a mitzvah d’rabanan.
Communal fasts are not a totally new concept, but rather an extension of the mitzvos of the Torah. The mitzvah of
fasting is associated with the only fast given by the Torah, Yom Kippur,
because the prohibition of Tisha B’av is like Yom Kippur.
The positive aspect of Tisha B’Av is revealed
on Chamisha Asar B’Av. The day when the moon shines fully. Every month the moon
starts out small and grows to its full beauty on the 15 of the month. For
example in Nissan, Rosh Chodesh Nissan has the potential for the influences of
the month, which is the month of the Geulah, however on the fifteenth of the
month is when it’s actualized. It’s revealed in its fullest way and that’s
Pesach. What the month represents is
manifested on the fifteenth. Being that today is chamisha asar B’av that means
the potential of this month is manifested. What does this mean?
It says: “A lion (Nevuchadnetzar) came in
the month whose sign is a lion, and destroyed Ariel (Lion of Hashem) – Bais
HaMikdash. So that the lion of Hashem would come in the month whose sign is a
lion and rebuild Ariel.” The two
Batei Mikdashos were destroyed in this month. Hashem only did this not for us
to suffer or be in pain c”v, (because only good comes from Hashem / hashem didn’t do it to punish us) Hashem did
that to bring us the 3rd Bais HaMikdash, that will be forever. As it says in the above Possuk the same month
that Hashem destroyed he will rebuild. (Devarim)
What were the differences of the First and
Second Bais HaMIkdash. What will be different with the Third, and how will that
The First Bais HaMIkdash the Yidden were on a
very high level spiritually. The level of Tzaddikim. Hashem revealed a great
light. This great light was from Above to Below. As if you shine a light and
all negativity disappears. There are two ways to fight darkness. One is if you
shine a light and all negativity disappears and the other is to fight with the
darkness and then you can shine a light there.
Why didn’t it last? Because it didn’t permeate
the person’s perspective. The 2nd Bais HaMikdash the Yidden return to Hashem
and do Teshuva. The glory of the Second Bais HaMikdash was greater. (They did
Teshuva in nature, within time and space. They worked on elevating the physical
to spiritual, thereby revealing Hashem within Nature. However because it was
connected to nature it couldn’t last forever.
(look in Maatos Masei, mainly sichos in english )
Third Bais HaMikdash is already built in Shamayim by Hashem waiting for us to
bring it down… It will it be forever because we elevated and refine the world
so much that it is ready to receive the light of Hashem, above nature. However
it can permeate nature. it’s the combination of the infinite light of Hashem
working with this world to refine and allow Hashem to be permeated it’s the
combination of the way the yidden served hashem by both the first and second
batei mikdashos. That’s why it can be forever. We see Hashem when we can see
miracles….. Hashem’s ultimate goal is
that these miracles permeate nature and reveal G-dliness openly within the
framework of nature. For example Hashem wanted everyone to see that Aharon is
the chosen one, the Kohein Gadol, so Hashem made Aharon’s stick blossom
overnight instead of 21 days that it takes almonds to grow. Hashem did it overnight
on a stick that was not attached to the ground, which is completely above
nature. However it resembled nature by going in the process of nature by
blossoming flowers and then fruit. This is an example of Hashem permeated the
limits of nature with his infinite light, Geulah, (Parshas Korach Dvar
We said earlier that the 15th of the month
represents all the influences of that month manifested. What is manifested on
the 15th of the month of Av. In Parshas Devarim 5751 the era of the Geulah shines
constantly on this day and that’s the reason why our chachamim say in Talmud
Tanis, “The Jewish People never enjoy Yomim Tovim equivalent to 15th of Av
and Yom Kippur (which is greater than Pesach Shavuos and Sukkos) What does it
mean the era of the geulah shines constantly. It’s in a state of concealment,
even though, the source spiritually gets an elevation. On the fifteenth is when
all the influences of the month are manifested, expressed in a revealed way.
The era of the geulah shines constantly on this day, its a revelation of the
future, light of Hashem, that doesn’t have a break, connected to the third bais
hamikdash that will be forever.
Therefore the greatness of Chamisha Asar B’Av is compared to that of Yom
Kippur. Because once a year on Yom Kippur there occurs an elevation of the
inner dimension of Atik which is also a taste of the future and also connected
to the Bais HaMikdash.
(What is Atik? Atik is a level of Hashem that
is mela’shon netak, which means separated from the world. Above creation of the
world, the inner dimension of Hashem’s crown where Hashem’s innermost will and
desire and pleasure reside. This is where Hashem desires US, Hashem desires to
create a world and give us the Torah.This is Hashem’s essence. On Yom Kippur,
every Yid’s Yechida – the (highest level of soul) is revealed. Yechida is
rooted in Atik, which is one with Hashem, Moshiach is the Yechida of all the
Yidden. We know Tisha B’Av is when
Moshiach is born. He gets elevated though we don’t see it because its Galus,
though that elevation is fully manifested (from potential to actual) in a
revealed way on Chamisha Asar B’Av.)
it says in the Bnei Yissachar: “40 Days
before a baby is conceived it’s called out in Shamayim who are they going to
marry. 40 Days before the birthday of the world 25 Elul is 15 of Av.
“We know on the special day of 15 Av –
Atik the innermost will of Hashem, Hashem chose us, is revealed. Which gives us
the ability to choose Him. It says when Moshiach comes, Hashem will make a
circle/dance of the tzaddikim and they will point in the middle and say,
“Here He is” referring to Hashem. So too with man. Man goes out to
the field to choose a wife and all the miraculous Shidduchim that happened on
this day. The women wear white alluding to the Avodah on Yom Kipppur starting
today and the holiness of Yom Kippur on this day. We start to say Kesivah
V’Chasima Tovah which is gematria of Teshuva culminating in Yom Kippur. Chassidus teaches us that when we learn Chassidus
we connect with the Yechida of the Torah which reveals our Yechida which allows
for Yechido shel Olam, Hashem to be one in the world. Moshiach’s neshama is
made up of Yechida of everyone’s neshama and when we reveal it within
ourselves, Moshiach will have no choice but to be revealed This is the day to
celebrate with joy so great that parallels the celebration like the marriage
between Hashem and the Yidden!
What does it mean to live with yechida?
The Tzemach Tzedek ( Baal Hatanya’s grandson)
shared this story. “A few months ago Czar Nikolai went out to inspect his
troops. He began a conversation with a Jewish soldier & the boys manner and
thoughts appeal to him. The Czar then said, ‘My boy if you would change
religion the Czarina & I would adopt you as our son.”
The soldier’s silence was taken as his
agreement & he was given the best education as befitting the Czar’s child.
He was taken care of by the Czar’s highest officials. The night before his
conversion was to take place, the soldier couldn’t sleep. Opening up his bag he
found his Tanya. Randomly opening the sefer he opened to chapter 19, where the
Baal Hatanya writes that “each & every Jew will be ready to give up
his life in order to sanctify Hashem’s name. Since at that point when it’s
essence is being tested the Neshama has the strength to overcome every
These words found their mark & he decided
to be faithful to Hashem. In the morning, the high officials came & brought
the soldier to the Czar. The Czar took hold of one of his hands and the Czarina
the other, & they began walking him to the ceremony.
On both sides of the aisle through which they
walked stood all the important officials & dignitaries & everything was
done in grandeur. As they reached their destination, they had to cross a
bridge. Once on the bridge – the soldier suddenly dropped the hands of his
would be parents, jumped into the water & drowned.
In heavens the actions of the soldier created
a great commotion, it was decreed that when his neshama comes the angels should
stand on either side of him & he should be escorted into Gan Eden.
It was also decreed that my grandfather, the
Baal Hatanya should happily greet him with a Tanya in hand.”
Just like this soldier tapped into the essence
of his being – his Yechidah – that is one with Hashem that will never allow us
to separate from who we truly are.
Like it says in the Tanya – when the essence
is being tested it has the ability to rise! Because a yid’s essence is 1 with
Hashem. No matter what they do. THAT is the Yechidah. Like the rays of a sun
you can’t see in the place where the sun is – the Yechida are those rays
completely united with Hashem at all times.
Today though we don’t need to die al Kiddush
Hashem – by aligning our will with Hashem’s will in our thought, speech and
action, completely that is revealing our Yechida. Because Yechida is one with
Hashem like the rays of a sun within a sun that you can’t see the rays. When
Moshiach comes we will serve Hashem from a place of Yechida. Today we can tap
into that potential and bring it into our life that our desire should be for
Hashem only at all times and always.
May we have Moshiach Now with the 3rd Beis
HaMikdash coming down from Shamayim and may we go into Eretz Yisroel now!
Moshe Rabeinu knew with Ruach HaKodesh the
greatness of this day and started davening 515 tefilos to go into Eretz Yisroel
on this day. It’s only because of his Tefilos that we can go now – and that we
go with him. The Rebbe analyzes the month of Av, the fifth month from nissan,
and says it’s way above nature, and because its so high it can combine Gashmius
and Ruchnius which is what we’re aiming for…
Which describes the Infinite Light of Hashem
permeating the limits of the world – the geulah energy the yechida.
May we be able to serve Hashem from a place of
Yechida and at every moment integrate the Will of Hashem in our life with
humility and strength!
May the third Beis Hamikdash come down from
Shamayim as it is erev shabbos erev geulah in the millenium – and may Hashem
send us our Righteous Moshiach and may we sit at the table with the shor habor
and the livyason and yayyin hameshumor right now!
Sources of dvar malchus:
matos massei devorim veschanan nun aleph, and korach
Reb Asher teaches to see how our natural thinking banters us between lack, how does that feel, and what does that mean for me, lack, how does that feel and what does that mean for me. Those are the messages to write down and hold to our hearts. Then seeing the pattern of lack, self-consciousness, realize it is the Shechina in exile animating the data stored in our brain. Look at the force. there is no other power. Have compassion on the shechina, our very life force, that is willing to be animating such data in order to give us the opportunity to untie the knot in our will and become a channel to flow that life force into Torah avoda and chesed. go to ratzo, run, realize it, have compassion on it. Now, in hisbodidus, open up the force itself not the messages…what is in it, where did this data come from, what pattern or trauma or lifelong nature is in it and tell Hashem by myself I naturally go the thoughts on this paper but I want to go above it and bring this life force through to expression in this world through torah, avoda, chesed and mitzvahs and then go do the mitzvah,,,, move your muscles to say a bracha or give a tzedaka…it is the commandment that brings the activation of the nefesh elokis to draw the life force trapped in the darkness into that mitzvah. the commandment is the connection. do it. Now wait and see if the messages on the paper are no longer chaotic. IYH they are not charged at all. repeat as needed. We are here to do this ratzo vshov, over and over, with gratitude and excitement and love for Hashem, until we deplete the kedusha given into nature by bringing it into Torah, avoda and mitzvahs.
This is a goal…it takes emunah squared…emunah in Hashem times emunah in the soul He has created tondo the repair…bit this is unity and our national mission.
Hashem’s light comes to our soul as emunah and taanug, and then into our body thru ratzon…as we discover thru our struggles that there are blocks to the light, we have compassion, realize where we are placed likena valve, open by going above our will with love for Hashem and enthusiasm for being a channel, we do a mtizvah and now that originating light is here in a vessel of torah avoda chesed or mitzvahs and not blocked by our confused naturalnwill. He is the healing.
” Hashem please help me untie the knot of self-consciousness that flows the Life force You are sending in this moment towards feeling my biases including hatred in the heart, revenge, jealousy, and fear. It is my will to flow the life force into Torah learning, prayer,chesed and mitzvahs. I realize that i alone must find and u tangle this knot through hisbodidus, confession, and breaking of lifelong natural judgments and belief in the power of my own hand. I will to go above this natural will so that I may have the pleasure of being a channel thru which Your goodness flows into the world.”
Shares and comments from the chat:
“I was noticing yesterday – during a surge of fire/ moment of challenge – a general feeling of malaise. As I focused on that feeling in my body, it led me to a the familiar queasiness in my gut. An instinctive emotional response. It was interesting to be aware of this since I am generally not attuned to these nuances. With your help, Shuli, I was able to notice it objectively. With that consciousness, I was able to work with it B”H and was able to be cognizant that this feeling is actually an old pattern – going back who knows how long ? – and recognized it as my life force, the Shechina in exile /nefesh Elokis (using your steps described above of ratzo vshav) and returned back to give a bracha and to yishuv haDaas. In the moment I thought, “this is similar to a surge/contraction in labor. Here it is… I just have to ride the wave” (I’m a doula so I coach women through this) and coached myself through the queasiness till it subsided.
Instead of fighting it, it passes rather uneventfully BH- meaning like in the past, it had the potential to escalate into an emotional conflagration. Chas VShalom. The nefesh behamis was quieted – once identified as the game player.
Thank you to this group for opening up to this type of healing”
“The more we share, the more it sinks in (for me;) A true paradigm shift from lifelong natural patterns of attempting to control / feeling loss of control – in the rising heat of a surge / life force / Shechina in exile – as a signal to activate Daas Elyon, IY”H to recognize the playing field (and the players) objectively – at the onset”
“Ongoing seething battles..like aftershocks…but really a breakthru….!!! I am in the middle of a confession of a lifelong pattern and a defense and coping mechanism designed to draw power to me but that hurt so many inadvertently, and thinking I was doing good and protecting others!!! I am strengthening myself in emunah to confess, and realize with joy that Hashem is ready to make this repair with the compassion for the Shechina I alone declare in shifles/ ratzo…and then move with confidence to a mitzvah..in this case making a bracha. I am folding it into tzedakah and the hope that this vulnerable sharing helps us all find what inside is blocking light. Being alive means we are not exempt”
“So here is my struggle that I am currently in the gutter with..if someone blames me or finds the fault or points to me, I try to defend myself and that is food for the attack to become about ripping me apart…I feel nauseous right now…when that seething is coming at me, how do I respond with love and understanding that the person is not facing their own inner challenge and is therefore looking to project it upon me, abuse me if you will? I used to get shut down and believe it. If I appear unaffected and loving, the other feels unheard and erased since they are not doing it on purpose, only from low self esteem and a love of power to protect that. Stay safe BY REALIZING this, be genuinely loving by remembering He creates the potential in each one of us, radically accept, be soothing. “
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Where does our life force stem from? We are told that our nefesh elokis is directly connected to Hashem’s throne, hewn by Him, from His Breath.
The Source of our life force is from Hashem Himself, connected and designed in a way that for us is unknowable in whole. We have Torah to teach us about the nefesh elokis but in the final integrated understanding of it, we must evoke emunah, for how can a mortal being comprehend fully something that is fashioned and designed and connected to Infinity.
Imagine that. Something infinite is within us although we are only given access to understand its powers of will, pleasure, and faith.
With emunah in Hashem, it is for us to extend that emunah to His Design of the soul and to trust that Hashem is constantly with us and available to us because of this. What holds us back is that we are not conscious of Hashem as the One enlivening and managing our nefesh elokis as well as surrounding our physicality with sustenance.
One of the six constant mitzvahs is to guard our soul from negativity. When we are aware of the truth of our nefesh elokis, and we guard it, we are having compassion on Hashem’s shechina serving as our life force, sent into a limited mortal body and concealed by our opposing natural will. what feels pleasurable to us through our natural will is because of developed lifetime habits and experiences, NOT because it is a greater pleasure!!!
The greatest pleasure is the simcha that we can feel when we are remembering Hashem and guarding our soul. To coose to find and build new habits based on this means breaking our natural character traits and beliefs.
We need emunah in Hashem and further, emunah in Hashem’s active involvement with our life force every moment, which is both in His Design of the soul as well as in hashgacha pratis.
If someone asks us and we agree to please take care of a suitcase with 10 million dollars in it for a 10 percent commission, we are going to guard it well. So too should we approach guarding our soul, whose Source is Hashem. It is not ours to do with as we please and then wonder why our lives may be more and more challenged. We have real free will but we also have a Shepherd. Hashem gives us a soul and a lifetime in order that we find the pathway to shine that soul’s goodness into the world.
Thus, guarding our soul from negativity means having compassion upon Him in every moment to NOT “lose” any of the 10 million by wasting it through investments in negativity and aveiros. This thought is something we are able to train ourselves to think whenever our thinking begins to banter between a void and darkness, lack and ego-interests appearing pleasurable.
Every time we read the haftorah, we recite the blessings. The third blessing is “have mercy on Zion, for it is the source of our life Bais Chayainu. In the one who is deeply humiliated bring salvation speedily,in our days. Blessed are You, Hashem, Who gladdens Zion through her children.” The footnote on have mercy on Zion is “this holiness of the temple on Mount zion is the source of our spiritual life. Exiled and without it, we are humiliated. Without her children, Zion too is despondent.” We are instructed every time we read the haftorah to have mercy on the holiness of the temple, the Source of our life. This is where we are told to toil, to have compassion on the holiness of the Source of our life, Hashem. That is what we are instructed to do at the first sign of “sad.” This is important to guard our soul from the mad and bad that follow quickly and naturally in succession. When we guard our soul, we run in hisbodidus to Hashem and tell Him exactly what our natural reactions are and that by ourself we would stray there but we do not want to. Out of love for Him and to guard our soul, we want to not naturally want…and describe completely and without shame the messages and inner false beliefs that we want to not want. In hisbodedus. And with a chabura for this type of vulnerable sharing. In this way, what is in the subconscious becomes more conscious and thereby within our ability to exercise free will regarding the force within the messages.
Knowing that He is the Source of Life, we are empowered to
unify His Name by nullifying our subjectivity, the self-image. This process is
called run and return, ratzo v’shov, or shifless and bitul. As the flow of mad
and bad thoughts surface, lift them with faith, have compassion on the holiness
of the Source of Life, Hashem. Through sorting out by recognizing Hashem is
doing everything – meaning with truth in mind – the Infinite Light concealed in
the vessel of our body is able to move from our subconscious into the world. We
become independent of our nature when through our will, we pray and do mitzvahs out of a choice in what
thoughts, speech and deeds that Infinite Light fills. We literally are able to
serve Hashem uniquely. Recognizing that
He, the Source of Life, is the Source for all of us and that each of us has the
potential to become independent of our nature helps us love each other without
it being based on anything else except sharing this mission of developing an
identity independent of our nature providing a channel for Infinite Light to
flow naturally through our choices into the world through Torah learning, chesed,
prayer and mitzvahs.
Tonight we are gathered in prayer and focusing on building a beis hamikdosh in our hearts, to serve Hashem with the understanding of Him stemming from expanded awareness of His Love and Mercy as present and real.
We are taught that a heart brimming with genuine love for
Hashem is simultaneously overflowing with sincere love for the fellow Jew who
is a partner in the incessant struggle to discover the truth.
Perhaps we have something weighing on our hearts. We all
know that Hashem is doing everything and loves us. Yet we have challenges. What we may not know
is the love Hashem invested in the soul of Adom, a love capable of absorbing
concealed light from challenges.
There is a way of digging into a place we may have not
looked before to pursue relationship with Hashem with a passionate love that
activates the soul He designs – the place we are empowered to find this
concealed light to face and ask for Him to absorb back through our soul is our
subconscious mind that operates naturally and often in a stormy way.
Would it bring us simcha if we could view our darker moments
as opportunities to bring Infinite Light into the world by channeling it from a
dark message to a mitzvah? This takes
emunah. We are created with everything we need to form a love bond with Hashem
as long as we are prepared to toil over it energetically and enthusiastically
and make this love our highest priority. As we do it more and more and come to
see that the darkness becomes light, emunah and bitachon grow, and simcha grows
and Hashem rests on our hearts and comes into the world through our speech and
deeds. Facing challenges brings optimism and empowerment!
The basis for
tonight’s talk stems from the derech of emes that Rabbi Asher Freund emulated.
Although not well known, Reb Asher was considered a second Baal shem tov. He was niftar in 2004. He taught about emunah and his chevra
included the leaders of Slonim, Breslov and Lubavitch along with many others
who were living for the sake of Hashem. His hisbodidus practices are embedded
in Breslov, and this derech of emunah and emes are the outlines for
comprehending the soul, the ego, and our
unique mission individually as well as a nation.
Simcha in serving Hashem is proportionate to emunah and
bitachon. With deep faith that Hashem is
doing everything, we see how He has given us a subjective place from which we
may actually find that objective truth and realize our place in serving Him.
Here we stand, awaiting Moshiach, Torah tells us that each
one of us has a spark within us to emit to contribute to the redemption. As long as we
have free will and the Beis hamikdosh is not here, it is up to us to
continue Torah, avoda, chesed and mitzvahs, to build within us a beis hamikdosh
for Hashem. Let us come tonight one step
closer to those who joyously master the myriad mysteries and intricacies of our
rich Torah legacy.
What if we were to find a gold mine of sparks to emit as
light into the world? Would we want to
There is such a wellspring.
It is in our subconscious, in our nature. It operates often without our
Tonight, with simcha and emunah and trust in Hashem, we will
find a way to draw those sparks back to Hashem and then sing and dance with
confidence that we served Hashem, with increased simcha, that we understand how
to be unified and one with Him and with each other, and that we will continue
to do so with joy until the soul of Moshiach is revealed. And may we fulfill
Isaiah 1:17 “learn to do good, seek justice, strengthen the victim, do justice
for the orphan, take up the cause of the widow” and the mitzvahs of the Torah
from a passionate love for Hashem above all else.
What we see in ourselves and others is that when we feel sad,
we may quickly find ourselves feeling mad and stewing on survival ideas that
seem smart but may bring in something damaging that is for ourselves or others,
Sad, mad, bad. It
happens in a moment. We see it easily in
toddlers. A cry and a retaliatory hit,
in about ten seconds time total. Sad,
A full and complete nefesh is in an immature brain that is
operating according to nature alone. It
is up to the parents to bring more wisdom to the toddler.
When we see this in young children and we truly understand
this is how Hashem has designed us, then it is no shame that we continue, even
as adults, to have that initial natural reaction. As adults, it generally goes like this –
lack, what does this mean for me, who is to blame? And then, the seething, that
inner heartfelt distress.
Spiritually let me explain the dynamics. What I am about to share I learned from a
shiur by Rabbi Nir Menussi on Anatomy of the Soul. Please follow me here.
In our highest soul, there is total awareness and pleasure
with simple faith that Hashem is doing everything. There are no doubts. The soul experiences a light and has faith
and pleasure. As the soul descends into
our body, like a cylinder, pleasure becomes hidden as the motivation of our
will. We will what we believe is going to bring us pleasure. The problem is the etz hadaas has confused
our will and by the time we think something through, what is pleasurable to us
has been distorted into a drive or an instinct or a sense of self-consciousness
rather than the pure state of devekus.
This is what Hashem desires – to take a soul and give it free will. He gives us emunah and the power of speech to
pray to Him.
Expanding our awareness of Hashem and His Love means that we
ask Hashem that the light that falls into our natural pleasure seeking be once
again pure faith that nurtures our awareness of Hashem and His Torah, and that
our pursuit of pleasure be based on that truer path to simcha.
What happens when we pursue a happiness based on
interpretations and the power of imagination based on will tangled by the etz
hadaas? Addictions, anger, fear, sadness
and more. The seething. Why?
Naturally our thinking is battered between feeling the void
or lack of something and the emptiness of having our self-interests met – these
are our desires and our natural sense of self. If we believe that this is our
true self, that this is who we are, our survival instincts and more are kept
busy in this seething place. Do we
realize that every moment of seething we are NOT keeping the commandment of
loving your fellow Jew, do not hate in the heart, and give the benefit of the
doubt? When we are hurt, and we feel wronged, we don’t really think about these
mitzvahs much. Yet, not doing a positive
commandment is something for which an olah offering would be brought as an
atonement. It is, in fact, an aveira. And
we may not even realize we are committing it.
Compassion on the Shechina in exile in these experiences
immediately brings us out of the battering and into a mitzvah of loving Hashem. Why?
Compassion is Hashem’s attribute and we are emulating Him. That simple move, to recognize that the force
in our pain is Hashem concealed, Elokim, is the purpose Hashem has created
He surrounds us with love, and He fills us with life
force. He orchestrates our
circumstance. He places a nefesh elokis
that He designs exactly into this moment, to make a choice regarding what we
cling to – our subjective natural image or Hashem.
He desires that we choose to be a bridge for the sparks to
flow back to Him and into the world through a body that we bring from being dominated
by the subconscious nature to being dominated by Torah and love and awareness
of Hashem. When we recognize Him in all
of this, we are experiencing awe – that we have a consciousness that despite it
all can move a body to do Torah learning, pray, an act of chesed or mitzvahs
despite how we feel and with the force we are noticing.
Please look at this cup of water. It looks like one thing. But it is not. It is a cup.
And it is water. I can take the
water and pour it into a mug.
That is what we are here to do. This is what we can redeem from the
subconscious and put into Torah learning, mitzvahs, chesed and prayer with
empowerment and simcha when we are aware and clear that He is doing everything
and He creates our soul and places it in a body where He is concealed so that
we may choose to do this and that He may rest on our hearts.
That is subconscious basics. Everything is a vessel that is filled with a force, a soul. Hashem utters the vessel into the world through speech and sustains it and He fills the vessel with a soul that He designs and breathes into it.
Here is an overview of ratzo vshov before we speak about it in the details
Overview of RATZO V’SHOV
Experience the lack/pain/fire (This is an encounter with Elokim. Hashem is
doing everything. He only does good. I am receiving interpretations that belong
to nature. My nefesh Elokis is pure and cannot be damaged. But that is not how
Describe it Write down the message, hold it and then
look at the force within it only. We will see that the presenting
message is a false interpretation and is NOT the subconscious mechanism where
the light is concealed.
Ratz / Run to
H-Shem. Go to the place where we realize we are “nothing”, that Hashem is
doing everything and we are mere emanations, helpless and without control, yet
capable of serving Him to bring goodness into the world, independent of human
Love Hashem. (Have compassion on the FORCE in the
message.) Recognize we are having an encounter with Hashem and that He
loves us and we return that love.
Zoom in on the force with concentration and compassion,
looking at the force and not the message with the mind’s eye. Face the challenge presenting from the subconscious (It
is my will to go above natural will.)
Hear the pattern and thoughts. Describe each to
Hashem with confession and teshuva as needed. What is in it? Feel
it, describe it to Hashem, and tell Him we want to do mitzvahs with it instead
of feeling the way we do..
Have compassion on the force trapped in each part of it.
. By feeling and describing in hisbodidus in Hashem’s presence, we
purge the false message that we identify in it without actually thinking it.
and the loving,concealed light is able to flow out of the vessel of the false
Gather all the force and tell Hashem “I wish to return all this force to You, it
fell and I want to invest it in Torah / Avoda / Chesed” A vessel
without a life source dissolves
Ask for help The place where
that false message occupied in our hearts is now emptied by Hashem and poised
to receive back that same pure light redeemed for us to flow into a
mitzvah. With love in our hearts, we move forward to do the mitzvah, confident
in the soul Hashem designs to function
Make a bracha that the light should be a merit a
healing, a refuah, a cancellation of gezeira, a satisfaction of din for the
soul as it exists in ourselves, our families, klal yisrael and the world
Go do a mitzvah,
read tehillim, learn Torah or a chesed
Trust that the
force has been returned to its Source
Feel the inner
shift, and Experience H-shem’s Light in the form of inner calm or more.
that may now come to light.
Hisbodidus, and Ratzo v’shov – the Derech Haemes
Simply put, and what this talk is about, is faith that
Hashem is doing everything, that He has designed the soul of Am Yisrael with
the ability to draw to Him the Infinite Light that can otherwise not come into
this world. This is a repair that He activates when we recognize Him and with
devotion and effort choose to be the natural means for that Infinite Light to
flow into the world through mitzvahs, learning Torah, davening and emulating
Every time we read the haftorah, we recite the
blessings. The third blessing is “have
mercy on Zion, for it is the source of our life Bais Chayainu. In the one who is deeply humiliated bring
salvation speedily,in our days. Blessed
are You, Hashem, Who gladdens Zion through her children.” The footnote on have mercy on Zion is “this
holiness of the temple on Mount zion is the source of our spiritual life. Exiled and without it, we are
humiliated. Without her children, Zion
too is despondent.” We are instructed
every time we read the haftorah to have mercy on the holiness of the temple,
the Spurce of our life. This is where we
are told to toil, to have compassion on the holiness of the Source of our life,
Hashem. That is what we are instructed to do at the first sing of “sad.”
Knowing that He is the Source of Life, we are empowered to
unify His Name by nullifying our subjectivity, the self-image. This process is
called run and return, ratzo v’shov, or shifless and bitul. As the flow of mad
and bad thoughts surface, lift them with faith, have compassion on the holiness
of the Source of Life, Hashem. Through sorting out by recognizing Hashem is
doing everything – meaning with truth in mind – the Infinite Light concealed in
the vessel of our body is able to move from our subconscious into the world. We
become independent of our nature when through our will, we pray and do mitzvahs out of a choice in
what thoughts, speech and deeds that Infinite Light fills. We literally are
able to serve Hashem uniquely.
Recognizing that He, the Source of Life, is the Source for all of us and
that each of us has the potential to become independent of our nature helps us
love each other without it being based on anything else except sharing this
mission of developing an identity independent of our nature providing a channel
for Infinite Light to flow naturally through our choices into the world through
Torah learning, chesed, prayer and mitzvahs.
It is our subconscious that stands between His activating
the flow of Infinite Light into the natural world and the galus of Infinite
Light trapped in our subjectivity. Yet,
Hashem designs our subjectivity so that we truly find our way to Him. Our journey is beloved to Him. In the process
of moving from self-conscious to consciousness of Hashem, our subconscious sad,
mad, bad process becomes an amazing channel of awareness that connects with our
heart and brings sincerity to our service.
We literally polish the nerve center of our brain, that raw natural subconscious reactivity, into a
channel that takes actions which reveal light.
What in the subconscious stands between His activating the
flow of Infinite Light into the natural world we are praying for – Geula now –
and the galus of Infinite Light trapped in our subjectivity? It is
our defense mechanisms, our coping mechanisms, our intellectual bias towards
feeling ourself interest, and our natural drives. This is the closed door that it is for us to
open and find sparks, new light to return to Him. Our mind and heart can become the channel
that withstands the natural pulls and instead brings in a light that reveals. .
We choose this over every other priority, from love, no matter what. Yet it is
heads or tails – feeling ourselves or clinging in devekus to Him – run and
Meet our akeidas Yitzchak.
Meet mesiras nefesh. Meet kiddush
Hashem at a core level, a level in our heart that circumcises our heart in all
Again we are here tonight to pray, to sing and dance. How would you like to sing and dance with a
new light from something that right now is heavy within you, disguised by a
false impression coming from the battering between lack and self-image? Understand
that with intention, we may bring the spark concealed and animating that
battering from doing so into our prayers.
Each one of us has the will and the soul designed by Hashem to want to
make that choice. Naturally, we cannot
do anything on our own. But with prayer,
which is a natural means, we may tell Hashem that we want to not want how we
naturally feel. He favors our yetzer
tov in that moment making it possible,
with that light from that very pain, for us to experience simcha when we
express our faith in Him through song and dance, confident that Hashem does
everything else. Emunah, recognition
from love, confession, will, sincerity.
Get comfortable, relax and open your hearts and minds. We are going to get in touch with that
Infinite light in our subconscious that perhaps we have never thought of redirecting
into Torah, avoda, chesed and mitzvahs before.. Or never realized that we
could…we are going to face our challenges by realizing we have the opportunity
to recognize with love the Creator. Let
us come closer to understanding more of the deeper gifts within the Torah
regarding ein od milvado consciousness. It may look like it is going to feel
like fiery coals, but with emunah and bitachon, we withstand bravely, knowing
this is the power of illusion confusing our search for truth. We are aware of His love and that He is One
and that Torah is true. Do not
fear. Have awe. And then iyh simcha and understanding of
unity, as w place the Infinite Light into mitzvahs with confidence from emunah
in the soul He designs.
Emunah in Hashem and in the soul He creates, the One
soul: The soul is to us like a sealed wellspring, for we receive its life force
but we have no ability to comprehend its entirety or how it works. We do not have to understand. In fact, because He is Infinite and we are
mortal, it is not possible for us to understand. This is the role of emunah in Hashem and in
the soul He designs and places into a limited body.
Ratzon is will: Along with the nefesh elokis come
some powers we can understand, those being real free will and the power of
speech. With will and prayer, and love
from within, we show compassion on the Infinite Light by naming to tame our
subjectivity. Hashem designs this – How else
could Infinite Light come into the world without nullifying the world?
Nullifying our subjectivity, shifless: If I have a challenge, the force of it is
Infinite Light. There is No Other Power.
A reframe for my challenge is that Infinite Light is seeking to come
into the world and seeks a channel through this body. Hashem sustains the body. Hashem gives life force. Hashem orchestrates the circumstances. All of our thoughts regarding these are
coming from the intellect that is pursuing the pleasure covered over by a will
after the etz hadaas.
Imagine for a moment a six lane
highway, where the two right lanes are closed and the two left lanes are
closed. All of the traffic must merge
into two lanes. Now, a huge injured
sweet deer and a broken down truck are blocking the two middle lanes, first the
deer and then the truck .
The deer is our physical body, and
the truck is our circumstances that we cannot move. The cars piling up in
traffic are the Infinite Light. Everyone
is stuck. It is hot. People have to find a rest room. The kids are crying. No one is moving. Chaos.
Lack. Anger. Helplessness. No control. What do we do? Who is to blame? Sound familiar?
Now we recognize that the Infinite
Light wants to proceed past the body and the circumstances. It wants to continue down the road into this
world. It is up to us to realize that
the Shechina is in exile and that we want to go around or over or under that
deer and the truck so that we may be the channel through which that Infinite
Light may come into the world.
We do this through recognizing the
force within the chaos is Infinite Light that is awaiting us to bring it over
our body and circumstance into Torah avoda, chesed and mitzvahs.
Immediately we see our limited
physical being and we purge all of the painful thoughts associated with
thinking otherwise, meaning thinking we are in control or should be able to do
something, to get around it, it shouldn’t be this way, something is wrong, I am
being punished, I am no good, life stinks, etc.
Perhaps the message that I am experiencing is an insult, a
shame, a blame, a loss, a pain. It feels
like one entity. A powerful
message. But it is not one entity. It is a vessel, the message. And it is filled with a soul, concealed
Light. The concealed light is not damaged by the
message. It remains pure compassion,
although trapped in our subconscious.
Hashem is surrounding us and maintaining our bodies. He is filling us with a heart beat and a life
force. We are a vessel. He is the soul of the world.
He gives us a neshama that thinks. Our brain does not think. Our brain is a
vessel that holds data. On our brain are
the memories imprinted there. Our
perceptions are stirred, and the the Infinite Light that was part of the
hashgacha pratis that formed our memories intermingles with our soul.
Where is this intermingling?
It is in the world of formation, the world above this, the world where
our middos are in need of refinement.
Infinite Light is bound and gagged in an inner world, wanting to come
into this world as revealed compassion.
Hashem allows His Infinite Light to be caught up in this
way, confusing our thinking, so that we have real free will to recognize Him
and realize that He has placed us in a narrow strait to give us the opportunity
to submit our subjectivity. All of our
messages can be recognized as experiences with Elokim, concealed light. Our emunah and bitachon uplift us to use our
will – we simply want to go above our
nature so that His Light is experienced and revealed as compassion in the world
and not animating this painful message.
Again, the message and the force are not one unit. The message is a stored memory. The force is Elokim, Infinite Light that
wants to come through us into the world and become the soul of Torah learning,
prayer, chesed, and mitzvahs.
Write down every message that is coming to mind. All of the messages will most probably be
about how this experience feels to us…we are describing the messages that we
are subjectively feeling. How do we begin to separate out the Infinite Light
from the message? Write down the message.
Hold it in your left hand.
Bitul, bring the light into mitzvahs: Now, look at
the force of the message. Open up the
force…what is in it? How old is it? How far back does it go? What is the pattern? Open
it like a jpeg with your finger and thumb – what is in it?
As we see the truth, throw away the presenting message. Hold the force itself in the mind’s eye. Love it.
Show compassion on the Infinite Light concealed within it. This is how we break out of the spiraling
despair – ego messages. Once we show
compassion on the Infinite Light in exile, we are aligned with Hashem’s
compassion and have entered a space where the chaos may be ordered and our
Awaiting the chaos to calm: Once we run and return,
through shiftless and bitul, we can be confident that our movement to do a
mitzvah will bring calm, for this is the purpose for which Hashem creates us.
simplification of the steps
Our thinking, when it bounces back and forth between
darkness and emptiness, lack/loss and unfulfilled sense of value/ego/arrogance
is literally inner chaos. We all know
what our hearts feel like in these moments.
Anxiety, fear, anger, shaking, crying, and more. We feel the chaos. Our intellect is very sensitive to our
natural condition of feeling ourselves. What is the pattern that we are experiencing?
Just like when we drive, we know we will have to stop for
red lights, go on green lights, stop at stop signs and more, the journey of
life means that we will have challenges and experience patterns. Our intellect is born from our experiences in
a natural world and those experiences are stored in our brain and our hearts.
Remember that the thought or memory is the vessel and it is filled only by
Elokim, Hashem’s compassion concealed.
Facing our challenges means that
we are seeking to absorb Infinite Light for mitzvahs and Torah, and that Hashem
has designed our soul with the mission to do so even though for us it is a
“black box.” Hashem will shift the light
when we love Him, realize the place from which we are calling and our role,
will it, and bring a mitzvah forward with intention to channel that light into
the world. This is the overall plan Torah teaches us for handling our “red
lights.” We are not the chaos or the
natural painful messages…those are the red lights. We are our emunah and effort to re-channel
the presenting Infinite Light concealed in the vessels of our red lights. We are a one body and soul combination…when
we move away from feeling with self-interest and move towards realizing
Hashem’s purpose in placing our soul in chaos, we have the emunah to serve as
that channel and experience the unity within us and between us. Being “nothing”
is better than something for this reason.
With emunah, go to
relationship and hisbodidus. We are
having an experience with Elokim, Hashem concealed. Recognize our Creator. Elokim is in exile in this thought.
With compassion on the Infinite Light, generate
heartfelt love for Hashem to give to Him a channel – Hashem I do not want Your
Infinite Light to be in such a dark and empty place. My natural existence is to
experience this as pain and I want to not want that. My will is to above the nature because I wish
to bring your compassion into this world.
HIsbodidus: with trust that
we are about to serve Him in a way that brings simcha, describe to Hashem out
loud in a few sentences how it feels, without going downwards into thinking
about the way it feels,. Being able to
do so means we recognize we are “nothing”, that we are a soul placed in a low
place to bring something out of our subjectivity that is part of the Infinite
Hold onto the concealed light
within the mind’s eye with compassion and love for Hashem. What is in that force? Again, like expanding a jpeg, take your
mental finger and thumb and open that
force to see into it. Keep opening
it. What is there? Patterns, habits, old pains….what is in that
subconscious compilation of force? Open
it with the intention of submitting the subjectivity so that the Infinite Light
may return to Him,. Have faith that the
Infinite Light will thus be returned to Him and available for bringing into
Torah, avoda, chesed, and mitzvahs, healing our hearts along the way.
Shifless, or running to Hashem (in order to do good in the
world. This is an expression of emunah that despite knowing we are helpless and
not in control we are not held back from doing good in the world.) It is for this purpose that we are placed in
this world, to find the holy fallen sparks and bring them into the world
repaired with compassion.
We run to Him with love in our
hearts, with awe in the design.
Bitul: We tell Hashem I believe in the nefesh elokis that You Hashem
have given me that You have designed for this spark. It is my will for my mind and heart to be the
channel across which that Infinite Light may flow into a blessing, a refuah
shelama, a cancellation of gezeira, a satisfaction of din, an act of chesed, a
mitzvah, a prayer, or Torah recitation and learning.
We purge all of the messages covering the Infinite Light into Your love. We throw them away, keeping the Infinite
Light concealed in our hearts to return to Hashem’s Will.
How do we sincerely move from subjectivity to the
objective truth of Hashem’s love and His doing everything? We love Him and we will to go above our
Please hear that the fundamental shift to adjust our
experience of a challenge is
to love Hashem and
will to go above our natural will (intentionally nullify our
thinking and create an opening for something new to come in)
realize we are put in chaos to pray and bring Infinite Light
from the vessel of a thought or emotion
and to do mitzvahs with intention of bringing that new light
into the world
This is mesiras nefesh and is the quality imbued in each one
of us standing here.
Look to your right
and to your left. There stands a nefesh
elokis designed by Hashem with the channel ready willing and able to draw the
concealed light in our hearts into this world.
We will it and make room for it.
He does it.
Through our nefesh
elokis, Infinite light in the darkness can come into this world as a new
revealed light that changes this world, that repairs this world by revealing
Each one of us has
a playing field – our lives and circumstances – yet the mission is unified
I want to show the playing field – the unique places Hashem puts us. There is an 11 year old girl, Maayan, with a seizure disorder and Batten’s disease. She is blind, cannot walk or talk. She is on life support. Every moment for Maayan is about not choking on phlegm so that she can simply take a breath and stay alive and thereby be in this world and serve Hashem with love. She cannot do an aveira. She cannot do anything. Her entire challenge is to breathe. Just to take a breath. And it is often quite scary, with monitors going off, numbers dropping….real survival on a moment to moment basis. This is the playing field Hashem has placed Maayan, a precious emanation of Hashem, filled with and surrounded by His Light and Love. When Maayan in her challenge makes this effort to breathe because she loves Hashem and wishes to serve Him by being alive, Infinite Light comes into the world that fertilizes the spiritual atmosphere, creating positive influence. That is what each of us is here to do, from our playing fields and challenges. Help Maayan and her family
We all are on a playing field. each of us has a free will point, a place
where we are struggling between feeling ourselves and clinging to Hashem with
love and awe. In the pulls towards
feeling ourselves, there can be many complicated layers.
Final review before we bring something new and full
of potential to our prayers:
According to nature, we have a subjective experience and we
have learned by experience that it is destructive or self-destructive,
addictive, powerful, or blocking real simcha.
We want to not want it. It feels cynical, or animalistic, and even if it
temporarily gives us a moment of feeling happy with ourselves, we also know it
is not simcha as Hashem desires for us to have simcha. The simcha He desires for us is the simcha of
feeling one with His compassionate Presence, not separate. He wants us to be
independent of nature so that we may perform His Will within nature.
The piece of Torah that will give us the faith and trust
that something new and simchadik and emesdik can come into our hearts is – Believe
that everyone in the room is built with a design to do this, even if we don’t
understand. Believing in Hashem and in
His design of our soul IS the piece of Torah that helps us love each other
based on that reason alone and without any other condition. This is unity.
Trust that we have challenges because Infinite Light is simply more than
our intellect can hold.
We need emunah – more and more emunah.
With faith, and love
for Hashem, tell Hashem it is your will
to re-garment the force in a challenge so that Infinite Light may come into the
world. We are all united in being able
to choose this. We are given free will. Love each other even if a different choice is
made. We are one because of this
construct and have confidence in each other because He is the designer of all
of us. We are truly brothers and sisters. Have faith in Hashem and the soul of the
Jewish People that He designs .
“With all our hearts Hashem , we will to go above our will
and we pray that the forces within our nature come into this world as the soul
of our davening because we want You Hashem in our hearts, revealed in this
Torah teaches us that Hashem has created the solution to our
struggles within the love with which He fills the nefesh elokis, a healing love
that HE activates when we submit our will and our interest in feeling
We realize that He is doing everything and that He has
placed us in these narrow straits for one purpose – so that we have compassion
upon Him, so that we love Him, we pray
to Him, and sincerely yearn to channel all the force within into a mitzvah,
learning Torah , praying, or doing a
That is the natural means by which Infinite light comes into
the world – from our raw unrefined first reactions to submission to humility
and then to do a mitzvah or chesed.
That woman next to
you? She has a soul that can be that
channel. Each one, a unique emanation
with unique gifts and talents from Hashem. Each one built with the design to
draw Infinite Light from the darkness of imagination driven by natural
pleasures into this world through having this expanded awareness of Hashem’s
Torah and love. Each one of us is on a repair
mission that He does when we sincerely will it.
This is what unifies us, regardless of whether we ever heard it before,
whether we do it, whether we fail when we try, whether we have never tried.
This is where we are all one exactly, and loving each other
means we have faith in Hashem and in the soul He designs and puts in each of us
The force that blocks us from this awareness is infinite
light in our subconscious waiting to come into the world through the natural
means of our prayer, Torah learning, chesed and mitzvahs..we re-garment the
blocking force into His will and voila He is here in our hearts and in nature and the world
We hold the mesiras nefesh card
Using it means we have faith in Hashem and His Soul He
creates, the one soul
That is unity
He is doing everything else but this. And here we stand.
We are each ready to take a hidden spark from a place of
darkness and intentionally give it a new message as a prayer.
And what Torah may we bring to mind to help us daven for
redemption? We are empowered with love
and awe of Hashem and speech and free will to run and return sparks to Him,
helping the Infinite Light flow into the world beyond our bodies and
Let’s try. Find a
force inside that is garmented in a challenge and ask, what is the message
hiding that force? Stare in your mind’s
eye only at the force and discard the message and when we pray, tell Hashem
that this force we are putting into our tefillos so that it comes into the
world as light, not animating that message we discard.
Now daven, and trust that the force – Infinite Light from
our subconscious – is re-invested and has, indeed, come into the world. That is emunah.
Hashem designs our nefesh elokis to do that, to draw out
that infinite light and give it into the mitzvah or prayer we perform.
Let’s daven to Hashem. And may the sparks we emit tip the
scales for a new light to be revealed.
The Arizal is said to have shared that his teachings stemmed originally from an experiential insight regarding the simcha there is in doing mitzvahs. The tremendous flow of that experience provided us with the commentaries on the Zohar given by Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai. Dovid HaMelech lived the Zohar, and we experience Dovid HaMelech’s lifetime work when reading tehillim.
What was it about the simcha of doing a mitzvah that provided such a flow of Torah into the world?
In Parshas Balak, we see clearly that there is an opposing force in the world. What is the purpose of this opposing force?
In that opposing force is concealed Infinite Light. The reason Hashem desires a world we are told is that He wants a dwelling place. He wants His Infinite Light to be manifest in a world in order to bestow pure good upon the world. In order for this to happen, and in order for the world to not be nullified by that Infinite Light, Hashem creates an opposing force called nature. He builds within each person a nefesh elokis, a spark of Hashem Himself, designed to draw the Infinite Light from nature fromi its concealment into this world. The nature of a person meeting the nature of the world provides the way that the Infinite Light may reach this world.
What blocks us from submitting to His Plan is that He creates us with an intellect that is sensitive at a survival level with our natural existence. Yet He gives us a Torah that tells us the highest thing is mesiras nefesh, to give up one’s very life to sanctify His Name. Our intellect, whose imagination and understanding is based on perceived pleasure, matures when we bring an expanded consciousness of Hashem into the world.
The more aware we are that Hashem is doing everything and that we are here to fertilize the world with Torah, avoda, chesed and mitzvahs, the more we are able to put into perspective the heartfelt challenges that flow through us on a constant basis.
Shall we insist that our natural feelings be spared and our natural propensities accommodated? Are we here to make the world into a place where we are comfortable and feel loved and valued based on nature? And if the answer is yes, do we believe this is something mankind directs or do we believe it is something mankind engenders when we bring Torah, avoda, chesed and mitzvahs into the world?
The more we are able to see ourselves as the channel through which Infinite Light concealed in our inner chaos may flow into Torah, avoda, chesed, and mitzvahs and thereby bring something new, a new light, into the world, the better of an attitude we will have when we are experiencing our niggly downward pulls and inneber void. We are able to walk to the light with free will. We need emunah in Hashem as well as emunah that He creates and activates our nefesh elokis, a spiritual soul that has the capability to be that channel. A nefesh elokis needs a body to perform the Torah learning, the prayer, the chesed, or the mitzvah. In this way, Infinite Light from the world above this is able to flow into this world. And what is the agent for this darkness? Nature. The Yetzer Hara that is in charge of nature is the doorway through which this new light squeezes into this world when we rise above our natural will and bring that kedusha in the hands of the Soton into the world as the soul of a mitzvah.
May we comprehend deeply that what we chew on that aches us is Infinite Light that we are built to extrapolate into the world through our avodas Hashem, and may the confidence we have in the Torah and the teachings of the Arizal help us see ourselves as the beloved people and vessel for Hashem’s desire to have a home in this world. And may our effort be pleasing to Him and a merit for all mankind, showing that we love Him and are in awe of Him,and submit to His Will with all our heart.
Today’s Shabbos was the third of the three weeks keneged bina, understanding.
This Tuesday, the 5th of Av, is the yahrtzeit of the Arizal who teaches us that bringing more awareness of Hashem into our understanding matures our intellect to properly serve Hashem.
For me today, I had several insights into where I get caught up. Again, the template is that we are a soul in a body and our role is to reveal Hashem’s compassion…but we get caught up where the garment over Hashem’s compassion (Elokim, nature) meets bina without expanded awareness of Hashem (chochma).
I think I personally can easily get caught up in natural thinking because expanded awareness of Hashem does not immediately have that same sense of pleasure or control to it as what we naturally want. This is where I cogitated today.
I came up with a meditation I want to try out a little more, although when I did it today, it brought a positive result.
When feeling that natural draw to self interest, and my imagination going after my natural thinking, faltering from pursuit of Hashem’s will (very faded and even distant, blocked), start to feel how I am surrounded by His Love – the world, air, body, clothes,…all of the surrounding things that He is providing. Then add in breathing. Now add in a sense of heartbeat and senses and the vitality of the life force within. I am surrounded by His Love and I am filled by His Light. And THIS is what is giving me the opportunity to think and be in this place of tension about whatever I am thinking. I am safe and loved and I have value because Hashem is making me.
Hmmm…Infinite light surrounding me, life force within – and I am blocking it…perhaps I am simply to not block it. Hashem, my natural tendency right now is to think these thoughts but I do not wish to bring Your love and light to this constricted place. I am in pursuit of a solution but by myself I bring all that You are giving me to darkness and I do not want to.
The reality is that the inner spiritual environment is one of helplessness and lacking in control of anything, yet You are surrounding and filling me with love and light. I choose to sacrifice my thinking – which has my biases in the center – out of love for You. I am in awe that with a focus on the truth within the forces I feel and a willful word of prayer I may bring this concealed light into the world as a blessing, a merit, a refuah shelama, a cancellation of gezeira and a satisfaction of din for the soul as it exists in myself, my family, klal yisrael and the world.
What results is that inner chaos becomes ordered and calm. I have no idea how the circumstances will come out. Part of me is so surprised that it no longer seems important Only this ability to bring inner order to chaos seems like what I want to yearn for. It seems like something I have 100 percent control over using love and will and speech. Is it enough? If I have no control over anything else, then how could it fall short?
One of the greatest things we can do is be mesiras nefesh for Hashem…to be self-sacrificing. When we have such an opportunity, it creates an empty space into which something from Hashem that is new for our soul is able to come into that space. Each person obligatedto 613 commandments is capable of making the sacrifice that having a bias presents in order to bring in the infinite light enclothed in the challenge. In recognizing our potential to do this, we are one.
The more we are interested in choosing mitzvahs and Torah over feeling ourselves, the less we identify with feeling our own interests as our survival and our primary mission. The more we choose Hashem’s Will over ours, the more we realize how feeling ourselves is a strong and compelling block to His Light coming into the world.
When we have the value that His Will is ours, and that our will is mesiras nefesh, a sacrifice, so that we may serve as a channel to bring something Infinite into the world, we have a frame of reference for every moment.
Whatever emotion or reaction we are having is reframed as Infinite Light that we can re-package into a Torah learning, a chesed, a mitzvah or a prayer. Imagine that. Simply by having an expanded vision of what life is for, we have a way to field the concealed light that presents in every moment. Shall we take that Infinite light and attempt to have it serve our limited constricted vision for our biases or shall we realize He is doing everything and that even though we have no idea what will happen, the very best thing we can do is Torah, prayer, mitzvahs and chesed.
Yearning for Hashem to be in this world helps lift us from the place of our self-focus with more and more trust . The more we experience and choose with yearning for Hashem away from our thinking and our biases, the more our identity forms as a channel for His Light. And, the less our pains and reactions compel us towards damaging responses, for we grow to see these as the necessary garments to present to us the Infinite Light that has no other way to come into the world without nullifying the world
Yes, we are complex spiritual beings with a body that can bring new Infinite Light from the world of formation into this world through mesiras nefesh, with love for Hashem and true yearning to serve Him. We can untie the knot of our interpretations about the enclothed infinite LIght through confession, love for Him, awe and will.
And may every effort be a merit, a blessing, a refuah shelama, a cancellation of gezeira, and a satisfaction of din for the soul as it exists in ourselves, our families, klal Yisrael and mankind.