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The dynamic prayer, updated. It is up to US. Please help us. All we want is You

I continue to update this hisbodidus prayer, so please check back here to see updates.  Here is the most updated so far.  Feedback appreciated with gratitude so that it may be as understandable and effective as possible.

Please join our emunah sharing, either on zoom or whatsapp

whatsapp https://chat.whatsapp.com/5wDhuh65NfY7mdm6oWHLZZ

zoom sundays 3 pm or tues 8 pm eastern https://zoom.us/j/2029420686

Helpful materials:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QosdWeSpPZvGO4HjckYEwn9jUlCsa9z8QRaBexRyGis/edit?usp=sharing

Shares the Torah from the most famous Rabbis across the orthodox spectrum , litvish, sephardi, chassudic, kabbalistic, etc.. Regardless of what group, notice that the topic is the same revealing tzelem ekokim over the natural

http://beyondanydoubts.com/2016/05/05/the-derech-of-rabbi-usher-freund-readings/
Here are audio translations from derech of Rabbi Asher Freund upon whose tefila my examples and the hisbodidus prayer below are based…Rabbi Freund explains how to ask Hashem to help.

Emunah is key to have before we ask in our prayer…

For the explanation, please see the link to the original blog post at the bottom of this article

Dynamic Prayer

Abstracting the essence intuition

Seeing the world through a mystical energetic prism

We are completely dependent on God’s kindness, which is what fills everything in this world including our painful experiences and feelings.   Nothing is beyond where His love and mercy may reach.  Our belief in His Lovingkindness in everything and our total dependence on the Creator and no other is exactly what God is waiting for to finally bring us home.

When feeling a painful, hurt response, stop, get quiet and try these steps while breathing deeply throughout.

“Hashem is right here, right now with me. Thank you Hashem for the opportunity to cry out to You and make an effort to ask that my prayer bring Your lovingkindness into this very place within me where I feel …….”.(If the feeling is not understood clearly, try talking to it lovingly and with awe “neshamala, I see you are covered over and blocked.  What is blocking you from feeling Hashem’s love and mercy?” Talk to it and then when the feelings covering the neshama are being expressed [and it will sound in the first person,” I feel this and that”, because the neshama is trapped in and animating the blocks.  The goal is for the neshama, the positive spiritual vitalizing energy, along with the positive vitalizing spark of whatever is trapping it, to be drawn back to its Source], continue from a place of emunah and trust in Hashem. “I want to serve Hashem.  I am embracing with gratitude the opportunity to be like You, Hashem, and seek to reveal Your Lovingkindness and Mercy.”

Now continue, by going back to speaking from  the place of entrapment of the neshama. It is going to talk in the first person because the ego “steals” our identity away from tzelem elokim. “I am feeling ………………………….. and I do not feel at all Your love and mercy, I am praying to You out of love for You and because I understand the design of how You have created us. Please help!  I know that everything in this world comes from You and You create only good, although You hide.i feel so stuck.”

Now speak  from the feelings of love and awe in my heart, from a place of emunah,  and tell Hashem, “I do not want my soul to be trapped there and I know that You Hashem do not want that either. I love You Hashem and have awe in the design and I choose to draw love and awe into the place of pain where it feels like…………  I understand that I have real free will and this is an opportunity to ask that Your lovingkindness redeem my soul from the grips of nature. By my initiating the feelings of love and awe in Hashem, I ask that Your lovingkindness and mercy draw out my neshama from its entrapment and thereby quiet and heal  the urge that is entrapping spiritual vitality from my soul. Comfort me! Please help me. I want that all the positive spiritual energy within me feel and reveal as One with You Your lovingkindness and mercy.”

With full concentration on Hashem is One, feeling the symphony of emotions and all the different parts to it,  say “I trust and believe that everything is filled with Your compassion, even if hidden. Despite that I feel …………. I recognize that whatever vitality I feel has a positive spiritual energy and that is the focus of my prayer, my love for Hashem, and my awe in Hashem’s design, and therefore I cry out.  Please may the positive spiritual vitality from my soul and from whatever is entrapping my soul be unified with You, Who is One, and may my clinging to You and asking to feel and reveal Your lovingkindness, including from this place in my natural makeup, be granted success, that instead of confusion and pain, I am able to express love and mercy and make a kiddush Hashem.  My desire is to be like You Hashem, a flow of Your Absolute Oneness, and may I be strengthened in revealing Your love and mercy with all of the positive spiritual vitality being sent to me from You through this experience.”

“With the love of Hashem and with awe that Hashem gives me real free will to choose these mitzvahs and to open a pinhole in my heart, I ask that the spiritual vitality of my soul that is suffering be redeemed from its confines and that I feel Your love and mercy so that I may reveal Your love and mercy, acting like Hashem, and being close to You in this way.  Please help me. Please unify all the positive spiritual energy from what traps it so that I feel Your Love and Mercy in order to reveal it.” Continue breathing until some shift is felt, a sense of inner peace. (Insights may come later, such as re-experiencing the originating causes from early life regarding the pattern. Breathing these out, exhaling as these come up, is a release, hopefully a healing.)

(if feeling resistance, cynicism, a lack of emunah – even though I don’t fully understand and am vulnerable to this doubting, I understand the design that this doubting also contains a spiritual vitalizing energy from my soul and I ask that Hashem please take that especially strong vitality and help me use it to cling with emunah to Hashem rather than to the force it is clinging to that is causing a forgetting of Your Oneness.)

“I regret my past failures at bringing Hashem into this place of pain.  I ask that my teshuva be accepted and that my effort to bring Hashem’s lovingkindness into the matter be a merit for klal Yisrael that we may all be forgiven for similar errors, and that Hashem, forgiving us, please redeem us.”

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http://beyondanydoubts.com/2018/08/09/updated-steps-to-ask-for-forgivenessas-of-yom-kippur-koton-for-elul

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Motivation to use and context for dynamic prayer, hisbodidus, when “in action” with downward pulls

I found an explanation from the Arizal in Parshas Ekev to understand why speak back and forth, from within the pain as well as from our emunah.  Here is the passage:

“These three are the mental states that enter zeir anpin from chochmah bina and daat, and zeir anpin imparts some of their energy to malchut….”

We have described the union of zeir anpin and nukva to be necessary in order to preserve the balance of consciousness between absrract inspiration and active inspiration, betweeen the desire to leave the world and become absorbed in Divine consciousness and the desire to make the world into a fitting setting for Divine consciousness to flourish.  These are the male and female aspects of consciousness (of both men and women)m resoectively.  The male must couple with the emaline in order to be properly oriented toward the purpose of life, while hte female must couple with the male in order to preseve her perspetive and not all prey to the forces of non-divine consciousness (evil)….

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From Rabbi Nachman Torah 48

torah 48

ליקוטי תפילות לתורה מח (להתפלל בכל הכח)

אות תרטו “שׁוֹמֵעַ תְפִילָּה עָדֶיךָ כָּל בָּשָׂר יָבוֹאוּ הַאֲזִינָה יְהוָה תְּפִלָּתִי וְהַקְשִׁיבָה בְּקוֹל תַּחֲנוּנוֹתָי שְׁמַע יְהוָה קוֹל תַּחֲנוּנַי בְּשַׁוְּעִי אֵלֶיךָ בְּנָשְׂאִי יָדַי אֶל דְּבִיר קָדְשֶׁךָ” צוּר עוֹלָמִים, יוֹצֵר הַכּל, עָזְרֵנוּ וְהוֹשִׁיעֵנוּ בְּרַחֲמֶיךָ הָרַבִּים וּבַחֲסָדֶיךָ הָאֲמִתִּיִּים, שֶׁנִּזְכֶּה תָמִיד לְהִתְפַּלֵּל לְפָנֶיךָ בֶּאֱמֶת בְּכָל כּחֵנוּ כְּמוֹ שֶׁכָּתוּב. “כָּל עַצְמוֹתַי תּאמַרְנָה יְהוָה מִי כָמוֹךָ” וְנִזְכֶּה לְהַכְנִיס כָּל הַכּחוֹת שֶׁיֵּשׁ בָּנוּ בַּעֲצָמוֹת וְגִידִים וּבָשָׂר וְכָל שְׁאָר הַכּחוֹת שֶׁבְּגוּפִי וְנַפְשִׁי כֻּלָּם אֶזְכֶּה בְּרַחֲמֶיךָ לְהַכְנִיסָם בְּתוֹךְ דִּבּוּרֵי הַתְפִילָּה, שֶׁאֶזְכֶּה לְהוֹצִיא כָּל דִּבּוּר וְדִבּוּר שֶׁל הַתְפִילָּה הַקְּדוֹשָׁה בְּכחַ גָּדוֹל בֶּאֱמֶת לַאֲמִתּוֹ, עַד שֶׁאֶזְכֶּה לְהַרְגִּישׁ הַדִּבּוּר בְּכָל עַצְמוֹתַי וְאֵבָרַי חוּס וְחָנֵּנִי וְרַחֵם עָלַי וְהוֹשִׁיעֵנִי וְזַכֵּנִי לִתְפִילָּה בְּכחַ וּבְכַוָּנָה גְדוֹלָה בֶּאֱמֶת, כִּי אַתָּה אֱל�הִים אֱמֶת וּדְבָרְךָ אֱמֶת וְקַיָּם לָעַד, וְאַתָּה חָפֵץ בָּאֱמֶת,

May I merit to pray before you always truthfully with all of my strength as it says “all of my bones will say Hashem who is like you”. And may I merit to put all of the strength in my bones, tendons, flesh, and all of my bodily energies, and my soul. All of these with your compassion may I merit to infuse into the words of my prayers until I can feel it for myself that these energies are in the words themselves. Bring my salvation and merit that I may pray to you with all my strength and kavanah in truth for YOU are Elokim Emes and your words are truth and permanent forever and you desire truth.

וְאַתָּה יוֹדֵעַ כַּמָּה אֲנִי רָחוֹק מִדִּבּוּר אֶחָד שֶׁל הַתְפִילָּה וְל�א דַי שֶׁאֵינִי יָכוֹל לְהִתְפַּלֵּל בְּכחַ וּבְכַוָּנָה בֶּאֱמֶת, כָּרָאוּי אַף גַּם בַּעֲווֹנוֹתַי הָרַבִּים אֲנִי רָחוֹק מִתְפִילָּה בְּתַכְלִית הָרִחוּק “דַּלּוּ עֵינַי לַמָּרוֹם” רִבּוֹנוֹ שֶׁל עוֹלָם, “שִׁטַּחְתִּי אֵלֶיךָ כַפָּי אֵלֶיךָ יְהוָה נַפְשִׁי אֶשָּׂא”, וְאֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ בְּאֵיזֶה דֶּרֶךְ בְּאֵיזֶה אפֶן, בְּאֵיזֶה תַחְבּוּלָה, לְבַקֵּשׁ וּלְרַצּוֹת וּלְפַיֵּס אוֹתְךָ וְאֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ כְּלָל לָשִׁית עֵצוֹת בְּנַפְשִׁי, בְּאֵיזֶה אפֶן אֶזְכֶּה לְחַפֵּשׂ וְלִמְצא הַטּוֹב הַכָּבוּשׁ בִּי, וְאֵיךְ לִמְצא הַטּוֹב שֶׁנִּסְתַּלֵּק מִמֶּנִּי בַּעֲווֹנוֹתַי הָעֲצוּמִים וְהָרַבִּים וְהַגְּדוֹלִים מְאד בְּמַהוּת וְכַמּוּת וְאֵיכוּת וּבִפְרָט מַה שֶּׁפָּגַמְתִּי בִּפְגַם הַדִּבּוּר הַרְבֵּה מְאד, כִּי ל�א שָׁמַרְתִּי פִתְחֵי פִי וְדִבַּרְתִּי כַמָּה וְכַמָּה דִּבּוּרִים פְּגוּמִים מִיּוֹם הֱיוֹתִי עַד הַיּוֹם הַזֶּה, עַד אֵין שִׁעוּר וְעֵרֶךְ וּמִסְפָּר, דְּבָרִים בְּטֵלִים וּלְשׁוֹן הָרָע וּרְכִילוּת וְלֵיצָנוּת וּשְׁקָרִים וְנִבּוּל פֶּה, וּשְׁאָר דְּבָרִים פְּגוּמִים הַרְבֵּה מְאד וְגַם אֲפִלּוּ כָל הַדִּבּוּרִים דִּקְדֻשָּׁה שֶׁלִּי כֻּלָּם פְּגוּמִים מְאד מְאד, עַד אֲשֶׁר חִשַּׁבְתִּי דְרָכָי אֲשֶׁר מֵעוֹלָם ל�א יָצָא מִפִּי עֲדַיִן דִּבּוּר שָׁלֵם בְּלִי שׁוּם פְּגָם וּמַחֲמַת זֶה הִתְגַּבְּרוּ עָלֵינוּ מְאד רִיב לְשׁוֹנוֹת, אֲשֶׁר רַבִּים קָמִים עָלֵינוּ, רַבִּים מְאד “יִתְיַצְּבוּ מַלְכֵי אֶרֶץ וְרוֹזְנִים נוֹסְדוּ יָחַד עַל יְהוָה וְעַל מְשִׁיחוֹ שַׁתּוּ בַשָּׁמַיִם פִּיהֶם וּלְשׁוֹנָם תִּהֲלַךְ בָּאָרֶץ” יֵצֵא עָתָק מִפִּיהֶם וְדוֹבְרִים סָרָה עַל יְהוָה וְעַל צַדִּיקִים אֲמִתִּיִּים, וְעַל כְּלָלִיּוּת יִשְׂרָאֵל עַמְּךָ הַקָּדוֹשׁ אֲשֶׁר בָּהֶם בָּחָרְתָּ אות תרטז מָרֵיהּ דְּעַלְמָא כּלָּא “שְׁלַח יָדֶיךָ מִמָּרוֹם, פְּצֵנִי וְהַצִּילֵנִי מִמַּיִם רַבִּים מִיַּד בְּנֵי נֵכָר, אֲשֶׁר פִּיהֶם דִּבֶּר שָׁוְא וִימִינָם יְמִין שָׁקֶר” אוֹי לְנַפְשִׁי כִּי אָנכִי גָּרַמְתִּי כָּל זֶה בַּעֲווֹנוֹתַי הָרַבִּים וְהֶאֱרַכְתִּי אֶת הַגָּלוּת,

And not only am I unable to pray to you yet in truth but due to my various mistakes and sins I am very far away to the point where “my poor eyes seek you from above and I raise my hands to you above”. And more specifically I have damaged the power of speech by speaking many damaging words from the beginning of my life until now. And especially that I have spoken lashon hora, rechilus, mockery, lies, deceit, cursing and swearing, etc. As a result of this I have caused strife and quarrel. As you know this leads to our enemies having the power to obscure your truth in the world and to mock the Jewish people, their leadership, and the process of redemption and mashiyach as it says regarding the outside world “that their mouths speak emptiness and their right hand is deceitful.

וּפָגַמְתִּי בְּסֻכַּת דָּוִד הַנּפֶלֶת וְל�א דַי שֶׁלּ�א הִשְׁתַּדַּלְתִּי לְהָקִים סֻכַּת דָּוִד אַף גַּם בַּעֲווֹנוֹתַי הָרַבִּים הוֹסַפְתִּי לְהַפִּילָה יוֹתֵר וְהִגְבַּרְתִּי סֻכַּת נוֹצְרִים לְשׁוֹנוֹת הָעֲכּוּ”ם, עַד אֲשֶׁר בַּעֲווֹנוֹתַי הָרַבִּים הַשְּׁכִינָה וּכְנֶסֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל הֵם בְּגָלוּת גָּדוֹל, וְהִיא רִיב בְּגָלוּתָהּ עַל בְּנָהָא אֲשֶׁר גָּלוּ מִשֻּׁלְחַן אֲבִיהֶם וּמֵאַרְצָם יָצָאוּ.

Through my misuse of the power of speech I have damaged the Sukkas David [Beis Hamikdash] not only have I not built it and established it but through my mistakes and sins I have made its fall even greater and strengthened the Sukkah of Notzrim built by the speech of the nations of the world. So much that the Shechinah is in a deep Galus.

אות תריז רִבּוֹנוֹ שֶׁל עוֹלָם רְאֵה בְצָרוֹתֵינוּ הַמְרֻבּוֹת מְאד, וְהַכְּבֵדוֹת מְאד, הָאֲרֻכּוֹת מְאד וּבְכָל יוֹם וָיוֹם אָנוּ צוֹעֲקִים וּמִתְחַנְּנִים לִפְנֵי כִסֵּא כְבוֹדֶךָ, שֶׁתַּחֲזִירֵנוּ בִּתְשׁוּבָה שְׁלֵמָה לְפָנֶיךָ, וַעֲדַיִן ל�א שַׁבְנוּ מִטָּעוּתֵנוּ וּשְׁטוּתֵנוּ מָלֵא רַחֲמִים עֲזר וְהוֹשִׁיעַ וְרַחֵם וְהַצֵּל, חוּס וַחֲמל חוּס וַחֲמל עַל מֻטְבָּע בִּיוֵן מְצוּלוֹת תַּאֲוֹת הָעוֹלָם הַזֶּה עַל מְגרָשׁ מֵאֶרֶץ הַחַיִּים כָּמוֹנִי עַל פָּגוּם כָּמוֹנִי, עַל לֵב “עִקֵּשׁ וּפְתַלְתּל” כָּמנִי הֲרֵי אֲנִי לְפָנֶיךָ כְּלִי מָלֵא בוּשָׁה וּכְלִמָּה יְהִי רָצוֹן מִלְּפָנֶיךָ יְהוָה אֱל�הֵינוּ וֵאל�הֵי אֲבוֹתֵינוּ שֶׁלּ�א אֶחֱטָא עוֹד עָזְרֵנִי עָזְרֵנִי הוֹשִׁיעֵנִי הוֹשִׁיעֵנִי חָנֵּנִי וַהֲקִימֵנִי חָנֵּנִי וַהֲקִימֵנִי, “מַצִּיל עָנִי מֵחָזָק מִמֶּנּוּ וְעָנִי וְאֶבְיוֹן מִגּוֹזְלוֹ” הַצִּילֵנִי וּמַלְּטֵנִי וּפְדֵנִי “יְהוָה עָשְׁקָה לִי עָרְבֵנִי” אות תריח אָבִי שֶׁבַּשָּׁמַיִם רַחֵם עָלַי אָבִי שֶׁבַּשָּׁמַיִם חֲמל עָלַי אָבִי שֶׁבַּשָּׁמַיִם הֱיֵה בְעֶזְרִי וְחַזְּקֵנִי וְאַמְּצֵנִי וַעֲשֵׂה אֶת אֲשֶׁר בְּחֻקֶּיךָ אֵלֵךְ וְאֶת מִשְׁפָּטֶיךָ אֶשְׁמר, שֶׁלּ�א אוֹבַד אֶת עוֹלָמִי בְּחִנָּם חַס וְשָׁלוֹם כִּי כָל יָמֵינוּ הֵם הֶבֶל וָרִיק, כַּחֲלוֹם יָעוּף וּכְצֵל עוֹבֵר, וּכְעָנָן כָּלָה, וּכְרוּחַ נוֹשָׁבֶת, וּכְאָבָק פּוֹרֵחַ אוֹי אוֹי אוֹי, אוֹי וַאֲבוֹי, אֲהָהּ אֲדוֹנִי, אֲהָהּ אָבִי, רַחֲמָן אֲמִתִּי רַחֵם עָלַי, חַסְדָּן אֲמִתִּי, עַשֵׂה עִמִּי חֶסֶד חִנָּם, וְתֵן לִי חֲנִינָה וְל�א אוֹבַד גּוֹאֵל חָזָק לְמַעַנְךָ גְּאָלֵנִי חָנֵּנִי בִּקְדֻשַּׁת יִשְׂרָאֵל בְּמַתְּנַת חִנָּם וְנִדְבַת חֶסֶד, כִּי אַתָּה יוֹדֵעַ שֶׁאֵין לִי שׁוּם תִּקְוָה כִּי אִם לִצְעק אֵלֶיךָ וְלִזְעק לַחֲנִינוֹתֶיךָ קָרוֹב לְכָל קוֹרְאָיו עֲנֵנִי מָרוֹם לְעוֹלָם יְהוָה עָזְרֵנִי קָדוֹשׁ עַל כָּל הַקְּדֻשּׁוֹת בִּקְדֻשָּׁתְךָ קַדְּשֵׁנִי יְהוָה אֱל�הִים אֱמֶת זַכֵּנִי לִקְדֻשָּׁתְךָ בֶּאֱמֶת הָקֵם סֻכָּתְךָ הַנּוֹפֶלֶת נְפִילָה אַחַר נְפִילָה בְּלִי שִׁעוּר וָעֵרֶךְ וּמִסְפָּר, עַד אֲשֶׁר אֵין מִי שֶׁיּוּכַל לַהֲקִימָהּ כִּי אִם אַתָּה לְבַד בְּרַחֲמֶיךָ הָרַבִּים וּבַחֲסָדֶיךָ הַגְּנוּזִים הָקִימָה מְהֵרָה תְקוּמָה אַחַר תְּקוּמָה, מִבִּירָא עֲמִיקְתָּא לְאִגְּרָא רָמָא אות תריט מָלֵא רַחֲמִים מַרְבֶּה לְהֵטִיב, הֲפךְ אֶת לְבָבִי מֵרַע לְטוֹב הַט לִבִּי אֵלֶיךָ בֶּאֱמֶת כִּרְצוֹנְךָ הַטּוֹב עָזְרֵנִי שֶׁאֶזְכֶּה לְקַדֵּשׁ עַצְמִי בְּכָל מִינֵי קְדֻשּׁוֹת וּבִפְרָט בִּקְדֻשַּׁת בְּרִית הַלָּשׁוֹן וּבְרִית הַמָּעוֹר עָזְרֵנִי שֶׁלּ�א יֵצֵא שׁוּם דְּבַר שֶׁקֶר מִפִּי לְעוֹלָם, וְל�א שׁוּם דִּבּוּר פָּגוּם וְאֶזְכֶּה לִשְׁמר פִּתְחֵי פִי וְזַכֵּנִי לְהִתְפַּלֵּל תְּפִלָּתִי לְפָנֶיךָ בְּכָל כּחִי וּבְכַוָּנָה גְדוֹלָה בֶּאֱמֶת לַאֲמִתּוֹ וְאֶהְיֶה נִכְלָל בְּךָ בִּשְׁעַת תְּפִלָּתִי, עַד שֶׁכָּל דִּבְרֵי תְפִלָּתִי יִהְיוּ דִבְרֵי יְהוָה בְּעַצְמָן וְיִתְעוֹרְרוּ עַל יְדֵי תְפִלָּתִי כ”ח [כָּף חֵית] אָתְוָן דְּמַעֲשֵׂה בְרֵאשִׁית, שֶׁהֵם עֲשָׂרָה מַאֲמָרוֹת שֶׁבָּהֶם נִבְרָא הָעוֹלָם וְעַל יְדֵי זֶה תַמְשִׁיךְ חַסְדְּךָ הַגָּדוֹל עָלֵינוּ, וְתִפְרס עָלֵינוּ סֻכַּת שְׁלוֹמֶךָ, וּתְחַבֵּק אוֹתָנוּ בִּימִינֶךָ, וְנִזְכֶּה לְהִסְתּוֹפֵף בְּצִלְּךָ הַקָּדוֹשׁ וְתָגֵן בַּעֲדֵנוּ וְתַצִּילֵנוּ מִכָּל אוֹיְבֵנוּ וְשׂוֹנְאֵינוּ וְרוֹדְפֵינוּ בְּגַשְׁמִיּוּת וּבְרוּחָנִיּוּת וּבְצֵל כְּנָפֶיךָ תַּסְתִּירֵנוּ וִיקֻיַּם בָּנוּ מִקְרָא שֶׁכָּתוּב. “שְׂמאלוֹ תַּחַת לְראשִׁי וִימִינוֹ תְּחַבְּקֵנִי”

So please help me to merit to pray with all of my energy and with true kavanah so I may be connected and included with you during prayer. May the 28 letters used in the 10 utterances of creation be aroused through the strength of the words and letters of my prayer. Through this may your life giving force of chessed be drawn down into the world. And through this may you spread the Sukkah of your protection over us like a loving hug and may we merit to feel the warmth of your love and thus protect us from all of our enemies and all the evil forces who are represented in the Sukkas Notzrim the shadow of the forces of evil. Protect us physically and spiritually from all the negative influences like the spirit of the verse “His left hand is under my head and His right hand hugs me”

אות תרכ וְתַעַזְרֵנִי בְּרַחֲמֶיךָ וּבַחֲסָדֶיךָ הָרַבִּים שֶׁנִּזְכֶּה לְקַיֵּם מִצְוַת סֻכָּה בִּזְמַנָּהּ כָּרָאוּי עִם כָּל פְּרָטֶיהָ וְדִקְדּוּקֶיהָ וְכַוָּנוֹתֶיהָ וְתַרְיַ”ג מִצְוֹת הַתְּלוּיִם בָּהּ, וּבְלֵב טוֹב וּבְשִׂמְחָה גְדוֹלָה וְתַכְנִיעַ וְתַשְׁפִּיל וּתְמַגֵּר וְתַעֲקר וּתְבַטֵּל סֻכַּת נוֹצְרִים סֻכַּת עַכּוּ”ם “אֲשֶׁר פִּיהֶם דִּבֶּר שָׁוְא וִימִינָם יְמִין שָׁקֶר” וּתְבַטֵּל הַשֶּׁקֶר מִן הָעוֹלָם, וְתַגְבִּיר הָאֱמֶת בָּעוֹלָם, וְתָקִים אֶת סֻכַּת דָּוִד הַנּפָלֶת וִיקֻיַּם מִקְרָא שֶׁכָּתוּב. “שְׂפַת אֱמֶת תִּכּוֹן לָעַד, וְעַד אַרְגִּיעָה לְשׁוֹן שָׁקֶר” וְתַסְתִּיר וְתַצְפִּין אוֹתָנוּ בְּסֻכָּתְךָ הַקְּדוֹשָׁה, וּתְסוֹכֵךְ עָלֵינוּ בְּצִלְּךָ הַקָּדוֹשׁ, וְתַצִּילֵנִי מֵרִיב לְשׁוֹנוֹת שֶׁלּ�א יִהְיֶה לָהֶם שׁוּם כּחַ עָלֵינוּ כְּלָל וְתַעֲקר הַשֶּׁקֶר מִן הָעוֹלָם, וּתְגַלֶּה הָאֱמֶת בָּעוֹלָם וּתְזַכֵּנִי מְהֵרָה לָבוֹא לְאֶרֶץ יִשְׂרָאֵל לָאָרֶץ הַקְּדוֹשָׁה חִישׁ קַל מְהֵרָה. אות תרכא וְזַכֵּנוּ בְּרַחֲמֶיךָ הָרַבִּים לְבָנִים חַיִּים וְקַיָּמִים לַעֲבוֹדָתְךָ וּלְיִרְאָתְךָ וּלְתוֹרָתֶךָ (כשרוצה להתפלל על מי שיש לו צער גידול בנים ר”ל יזכירו כאן ויאמר וּבִּפְרָט לפב”פ וכו’) חוּס וַחֲמל וְרַחֵם וְתֵן לְבָנֵינוּ וְלִבְנוֹתֵינוּ וּלְכָל יוֹצְאֵי חֲלָצֵינוּ חַיִּים טוֹבִים וַאֲרוּכִים (וּבִפְרָט לְהַיֶּלֶד פב”פ וכו’ וּלְהַיַּלְדָּה פב”פ וכו’) רַחֵם עֲלֵיהֶם וְעָלֵינוּ בִּזְכוּת אֲבוֹתָם, וְתֵן לָהֶם חַיִּים טוֹבִים וַאֲרֻכִּים, וְתַאֲרִיךְ יְמֵיהֶם וּשְׁנוֹתָם יֶהֱמוּ נָא וְיִכְמְרוּ נָא רַחֲמֶיךָ עֲלֵיהֶם וְעָלֵינוּ, וְתֹאמַר דַּי לְצָרוֹתָם “הֵיטִיבָה יְהוָה לַטּוֹבִים וְלִישָׁרִים בְּלִבּוֹתָם” יְהִי שָׁלוֹם בְּחֵילָם שַׁלְוָה בְּאַרְמְנוֹתָם “אֵין פֶּרֶץ וְאֵין יוֹצֵאת וְאֵין צְוָחָה” בִּרְחוֹבוֹתָם, לָעַד וּלְדוֹרוֹת, וּלְדוֹרוֹת דּוֹרוֹתָם רֵאשִׁיתָם מִצְעָר, יִשְׂגֶּה מְאד אַחֲרִיתָם כַּאֲשֶׁר הַשָּׁמַיִם הַחֲדָשִׁים וְהָאָרֶץ הַחֲדָשָׁה, כֵּן יַעֲמד זַרְעָם וּשְׁמוֹתָם וְתַצִּיל אוֹתָם וְכָל יַלְדֵי עַמְּךָ בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל מֵעַיִן הָרָע וּמִפֶּגַע רָע וּמִכָּל מִינֵי נֶגַע וּמַחֲלָה וְתִשְׁלַח לָהֶם רְפוּאָה שְׁלֵמָה מִן הַשָּׁמַיִם לְכָל רְמַ”ח אֵבָרֵיהֶם וּשְׁסָ”ה גִידֵיהֶם וְיִזְכּוּ לִהְיוֹת חַיִּים בְּרִיאִים וְקַיָּמִים יְבַלּוּ יְמֵיהֶם בַּטּוֹב וּשְׁנוֹתֵיהֶם בַּנְּעִימִים וְנִזְכֶּה שֶׁיֵּצְאוּ מֵהֶם דּוֹרוֹת הַרְבֵּה וְדוֹרֵי דוֹרוֹת עַד סוֹף כָּל הַדּוֹרוֹת רַחֵם עֲלֵיהֶם וְעָלֵינוּ לְמַעַן שְׁמֶךָ, וּתְגַדְּלֵם לְתוֹרָה וּלְחֻפָּה וּלְמַעֲשִׂים טוֹבִים, לְארֶךְ יָמִים וְשָׁנִים “עוֹד יְנוּבוּן בְּשֵׂיבָה דְּשֵׁנִים וְרַעֲנַנִּים יִהְיוּ”.

Hashem nullify the sheker from the world and strengthen the truth and through this build the fallen Sukkah of David. Protect us from quarrel and machlokes and through this speedily bring us to the land of Israel where your truth is revealed. And may we merit with mercy children who live truthfully for your service, for your Yirah, and for your Torah.

אות תרכב מָלֵא רַחֲמִים צְרָכֵינוּ מְרֻבִּים וְדַעְתֵּנוּ קְצָרָה לְבָאֵר וּלְפָרֵשׁ אַתָּה יָדַעְתָּ אֶת כָּל מַחְסוֹרֵינוּ מַלֵּא מִשְׁאֲלוֹתֵינוּ לְטוֹבָה בְּרַחֲמִים לְמַעַנְךָ וְל�א לְמַעֲנֵנוּ חוּס וַחֲמל עָלַי וְזַכֵּנִי לָשׁוּב אֵלֶיךָ בֶּאֱמֶת וּבְלֵב שָׁלֵם, וְלַעֲשׂוֹת רְצוֹנְךָ בֶּאֱמֶת כָּל יְמֵי חַיַּי, וְל�א אָשׁוּב עוֹד לְכִסְלָה “אִם אָוֶן פָּעַלְתִּי ל�א אוֹסִיף” רַחֵם עָלַי בְּרַחֲמֶיךָ הָאֲמִתִּיִּים וְזַכֵּנִי לִהְיוֹת כִּרְצוֹנְךָ בֶּאֱמֶת מֵעַתָּה וְעַד עוֹלָם וּתְגַלֶּה הָאֱמֶת בָּעוֹלָם, וְיָשׁוּבוּ כָל בָּאֵי עוֹלָם אֵלֶיךָ לְעָבְדְּךָ בֶּאֱמֶת בְּיִרְאָה וְאַהֲבָה וִיקֻיַּם מְהֵרָה מִקְרָא שֶׁכָּתוּב. “כִּי אָז אֶהְפּךְ אֶל כָּל הָעַמִּים שָׂפָה בְרוּרָה לִקְרא כֻלָּם בְּשֵׁם יְהוָה לְעָבְדוֹ שְׁכֶם אֶחָד אֱמֶת מֵאֶרֶץ תִּצְמָח וְצֶדֶק מִשָּׁמַיִם נִשְׁקָף גַם יְהוָה יִתֵּן הַטּוֹב וְאַרְצֵנוּ תִתֵּן יְבוּלָהּ חֶסֶד וֶאֱמֶת נִפְגָּשׁוּ צֶדֶק וְשָׁלוֹם נָשָׁקוּ” וּבְרַחֲמֶיךָ וַחֲסָדֶיךָ הַגְּדוֹלִים תְּפַיֵּס וּתְרַצֶּה אֶת שְׁכִינַת עֻזֶּךָ וּכְנֶסֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל שֶׁתָּשִׁיב פָּנֶיהָ אֵלֶיךָ וְיִהְיֶה נַעֲשֶׂה יִחוּד קֻדְשָׁא בְּרִיךְ הוּא וּשְׁכִינְתֵּיהּ, פָּנִים בְּפָנִים וְאַל תַּסְתֵּר פָּנֶיךָ מֵאִתָּנוּ עוֹד וְתִשְׁלַח לָנוּ צַדִּיקִים וְרַבָּנִים אֲמִתִּיִּים שֶׁיּוֹרוּ לָנוּ אֶת הַדֶּרֶךְ הַטּוֹב וְהַיָּשָׁר אֶת הַדֶּרֶךְ אֲשֶׁר נֵלֵךְ בָּהּ וְאֶת הַמַּעֲשֶׂה אֲשֶׁר נַעֲשֶׂה וְתַצִּיל אוֹתָנוּ מֵהַמַּנְהִיג וְרַבִּי שֶׁל שֶׁקֶר קָרְבֵנוּ לִישׁוּעָתֶךָ, עָזְרֵנוּ בְּרַחֲמֶיךָ, הַחֲיֵנוּ בְּאוֹר פָּנֶיךָ שַׂבְּעֵנוּ מִטּוּבֶךָ וַחֲסָדֶיךָ הָאֲמִתִּיִּים, גְּמל עָלֵינוּ חֲסָדִים טוֹבִים, “חַסְדֵי דָוִד הַנֶּאֱמָנִים” וּמֵאוֹצַר מַתְּנַת חִנָּם חָנֵּנוּ וְקַיֵּם לָנוּ מִקְרָא שֶׁכָּתוּב. “וָאָשִׂים דְּבָרַי בְּפִיךָ וּבְצֵל יָדִי כִּסִּיתִיךָ לִנְטעַ שָׁמַיִם וְלִיסוֹד אָרֶץ וְלֵאמר לְצִיּוֹן עַמִּי אָתָּה” חָנֵּנוּ וַעֲנֵנוּ וּשְׁמַע תְּפִלָּתֵנוּ בְּרַחֲמִים כִּי אַתָּה שׁוֹמֵעַ תְּפִלַּת כָּל פֶּה “יִהְיוּ לְרָצוֹן אִמְרֵי פִי וְהֶגְיוֹן לִבִּי לְפָנֶיךָ

Resolving Shame

A Tu B’Av message – All we want is You Hashem! Please help us!

Emunah Zoom

Peaceful scenes from worldwide webcams for relaxation and appreciation of nature
A closer look at our point of feeling disconnected and a way to ask to reconnect

Who can we turn to for advice on important matters?

With great gratitude for being alive and for having an existence through which my choice to reveal Hashem’s love and mercy has an ability to be expressed, it is becoming more and more clear that we are a spiritual being that has a body.  Just as with any complicated machinery, like a car, a body that does not follow the manual (mitzvahs and middos) from its Creator can do damage. 

Each year we try more and more to bring mitzvahs and middos authentically into our will, thoughts, speech and deeds.  What can help us authentically desire, though, to bring more and more mitzvahs and middos into our will, thoughts, and deeds?

Learning Torah surely does.  However, what if a person is not yet inspired to go and learn?  What is it that can be said to help such a person consider exploring that option?

When a person is unfamiliar with Torah teachings, when there is an emotional challenge or a life challenge and a person contemplates, a person checks inside to find answers, where do the answers come from?  The answers are coming from our survival instincts and from the best we can figure out based on material and physical reality.  From the perspective of survival instincts, what is right and wrong become very relative.  There do not appear to be absolutes, other than, perhaps, civil law to set boundaries on our choices.

How do we come to feel about ourselves?  Do we measure ourselves by the outcomes of our efforts?

I remember Rebbetzin Jungreiss, of blessed memory, told a story about a friend who lost everything and did not want to live. The person was measuring value based on material and physical possessions and power and felt that identity wiped out.  The story has a happy ending though.

The happy ending is to realize that when we consult only with our survival instincts, we are having a discussion with only the surface layer of our existence.  The good news is there is far more.

There is a Creator Who creates us and our circumstances.  When we have difficulties and we turn to the Creator, and tell Him about what we are experiencing and ask for help because we wish to reveal our true essence, our tzelem elokim, and not the messages of our survival instincts, we are having a dialogue that brings us closer to Him and fills us with light rather than despair, no matter what happens.  The more we feel the survival instincts trying to dictate our conduct, the more we cry out to Hashem that we wish to bring His Love and Mercy even to here…to this part of our survival instinct…because we know that our survival depends only on Him and we trust in Him alone for our salvation.  We know that everything He does is good even if it does not make sense in a moment to moment sequence.  Dialoguing with Hashem along the sequence is how we keep ourselves from darkness.

Rabbi Nivin tells a story about the Steipler Rebbe who was in the Russian army and it was Shabbos and he did not have proper outer wear for the climate.  In order to stay alive, he knew he was allowed to violate the Shabbos. Each moment, he kept asking himself if he needed to take the action that would violate Shabbos, was he that cold, or was he able to remain alive.   Somehow he made it through alive without violating Shabbos.  He was in constant prayerfulness with Hashem.  Our survival depends on Hashem alone, not on the beliefs of our survival instincts based on knowledge of material and physical reality.

Who are we consulting in our moments of crisis?  Are we huddling with our survival instincts whose intelligence comes from nature that is headed by the Soton, or are we connecting with the Creator in prayerful trust, with emunah, beseeching Him to help us?

Perhaps this is the question to inspire.  Are we getting the very best advice we can and is it improving our lives and bringing us inner happiness, joy and simcha?

Good erev Shabbos and may these words help us ask the questions to lead us to a meaningful Elul and a shana tova of redemption b’ahava.

Highlighting the importance of compassionate communication skills

For the last five years, I have been blessed with the privilege of daily contact with my grandchildren, caring for them during working hours – ages zero to two.  This precious, innocent, pure age has taught me a great deal.

The most amazing insight is that even at the youngest ages, if a baby is given a bottle or a cookie, there is immediate pain in the other child of wanting it, regardless if they wanted it a moment before. The look in their eyes says it all.  I want. 

I have come to respect that pain and am very careful to have bottles for all prepared so that everyone gets a bottle at the same time.

It carries forward.  If I have two babies and two identical toys, it is not enough.  One of them will still want the one the other one has.  It is an amazing phenomenon…it is not the toy that is desired.  It is the joy it seems the other is having that feels like a threat.  If someone picks up a toy, immediately that is the toy in demand and it is a matter of how to get it for themselves.

Obviously, these moments are rich with educational opportunities, compassionate communication opportunities that help everyone problem solve from their own inborn compassion.  Children do have inborn compassion as well.  What they don’t have is the ability to regulate their feelings or the thinking to control their natural impulses to take what they want or feel they must have.

Lori Petro, Teach from Love, has a whole series that teaches what might happen to a child if they are not helped to process their feelings.  It might leave an impression on their survival instincts.  When a child is young, their minds are like wet cement and the “tapes” there remain for life.  Lori shows how to use  compassionate communication skills to help children process their emotions regarding this natural wanting in a child.

I believe that pained place a baby has, that wanting, may be what led to the eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. As a created being, adom and chava could never be Hashem. That felt like a pain, a lack. 

Rabbi Mendel Kessin says that the angels also have this pain of shame, and he quotes the Ramchal definition of shame as a feeling of something being higher than us or a sense of having done something beneath us.   When we wonder why  Chava bought into the snare of the nachash, telling her she could be like Hashem if she eats, that impulse to eat seems like a resolution of this pain that we see in young children, this longing. It was an attempt to quiet that pain of lack, to resolve it with the intelligence of the nachash rather than rely on the message of Hashem, the chochma of not eating.

What do we resort to when we have this pain?  As babies, it is crying, grabbing, kicking, etc. As adults, we go more underground… there is a long list of hurt feelings and retaliations, far too long to enumerate.

We are born innocent lambs with this flaw of wanting what we see that is or looks better. That innocent lamb is intended to connect itself to Torah and Hashem’s attributes of mercy.  However, it is incapable of doing so at a young age.  Hashem gives us parents who attempt to lead us towards healthy social skills through which we may reach our goals.  Inevitably, the design of the world and our seeing human nature in our lives is that some  will cling to material and physical solutions when we experience this feeling of lack – because we may not have so much consciousness of Hashem and instead we may want what we see in this world and we want to use what we see works (the world of powers).  Our little lamb turns to solutions we see working in nature, or in the social structures or messages of the generation.

Ultimately though, the matter is for us to let go of these clingings to material and physical solutions in favor of being loyal and loving to the One Whose world it is, and to do His Will of revealing His Torah and attributes in this world.  When we realize we are a creation and there is a Creator, and that without Him we have nothing, that He gives everything, then when we lack something we know the only way to receive it is from Hashem.  We confess our first reactions.  We love Hashem.  We realize the opportunity He is giving us to be G’dlike in our choice to act from tzelem elokim. We thank Him.  And we wait to see His Will.

At all times, we are safe and beloved.  Just like our babies who are crying over not having that toy that the other one has.  They are safe.  They are loved. And so are we. Hashem loves us with a love that cannot be broken because our tzelem elokim is connected to Hashem Himself, a breath from Him. The fact that we exist is proof of His Love for us.

May Hashem grant us as His Will our hearts’ desires and may we truly see that we are creations reliant on Him Alone and thereby increase our loyalty, our emunah, and our will to doing His Will. May we all be inscribed in the book of life for a year of health, wealth, safety, redemption, love, blessings and light.

Reflections thus far on Elul preparation for 5779

Often we have patterns that repeat in life which seem to operate over and over even though we see we want to change.  What often blocks us is a thought or a set of thoughts that keep us trapped in this pattern, a pattern that might unfortunately have developed when we were young children who did not really have access to higher thinking. 

Even more often, the loved ones around us or our co-workers or friends try to give us advice on what we might do better.  Try this.  Try that.  And perhaps we try.  We give it a chance and, if it works, we might consider it more and see why it worked and try it again and again.  More often, we try it, and it doesn’t work or there were more steps involved that we intuitively did not know had to be done, success does not take place, and thus, we fall back into relying on our familiar albeit faulty pattern.   Or, we ask a Rav who knows us and, because we trust the advice given to us, we do it with a little more emunah, with faith, and that extra push gives us more insights than we had originally, and somehow, there is a different result.  Holding onto that consciousness is something that we can aspire to through writing it down and reviewing it, asking ourselves deep questions to see our pattern up close and find the place where the new experience corrects something.

Rabbi Dessler teaches that when we are involved in such an attempt to make a change, we are at our behira point, our free will point.  There are areas below that point that remain in our unconscious patterns, and there are areas above that point, where we have already made conscious choices to improve our patterns and that have become our patterns of choice.

Finding the areas that we are ready to address within our patterns is the topic of elul.

On Rosh Hashana, our entire year will be determined….who shall live, who shall die, our parnassa, our health, our challenges and more.  It is truly an awesome day of judgment.  When we take the time each day in elul to search ourselves out of love for Hashem, to find where, locked in our subconscious, we might be able to bring more love and mercy into our patterns, we develop a sincerity with which to ask Hashem for a year of good health, wealth, and happiness. 

Our message is “Hashem, I love you and I understand the design of the world, to be a soul in a body to free the vitalizing energy from my emotional makeup and patterns that may, when expressed, be causing damage or pain so that instead its expression can be filled with the love and mercy with which You run the world. “  When we do this sincerely, with dedication, thoroughness and love in our hearts, and we stand at Rosh Hashana with our spiritual business plan, telling Hashem that we see our next steps in growth, we ask for what everyone needs for a good year.  We ask Hashem to give us a good year so that we may accomplish these spiritual goals.

This is the tenth year that I am making a spiritual business plan through Rabbi Nivin personal development chaburas.  Each year thus far, I see Hashem’s generosity in helping me reach the spiritual goals that I set forth.  When it comes to spiritual goals there is no limit to what we can ask for.  The key is to really see it is our “behira” point, the area that we wish to bring ourselves from slavery to freedom, the area we wish to redeem our soul from its unsatisfying current expression to an expression that brings love and mercy into the world.

This is the time of year when the King is in the field, meaning that when we turn to Hashem and attempt to search our ways, He is nearby and giving us tremendous assistance to discover and commit to the next spiritual step. 

On Rosh Hashana, we stand as the creations we are before our Creator, asking Him to bestow a year upon us.  What is our role as a creation?  Why does Hashem involve Himself with making a world?

The Ramchal explains that Hashem is all lovingkind and perfect and He wants to give us pure good.  In order to do that, He wants us to have the opportunity to be able to choose to be like Him.  We are a creation to which He bestows real free will to make the choice to be more and more like Him, an infinite path. While we are not able to reach the goal, the effort alone is what makes it possible for Hashem to give us the pure good He desires to give us.  With real free will, we choose to be like Him instead of following our natural patterns.  Keep in mind that all we do is will it and keep willing it when the opportunity arises, making an effort to fulfill our will.  All success is up to Hashem, so nothing is out of reach for us to try to mend.  Our role is will and effort to take steps towards that choice.

This is the importance of elul.  When we realize that absolutely everything is at stake – health, wealth, and all the outcomes that we find comfortable and relaxing – and we realize that it is up to Hashem to give these to us because we are creations and He is the Creator, it makes sense to invest time in finding how we may be more like Hashem in our patterns.  If it is not already obvious, the reason is that when we are fulfilling His Will of being like Him so that He may give us the pure good, He gives us what we need to reach those goals.  If we are, heaven forbid, not fulfilling His Will so that He may give us good, He still wishes to give us good; however, in order to have us use our free will toward that goal, He may have to send us challenges in finances, in health, in suffering or watching our loved ones suffer so that we realize we are creations and that He is the Creator and turn to Him for help.  And if we do not, the suffering itself atones for our not initiating our free will, and therefore He is able to give us pure good in the world to come on that basis. 

What is He asking from us?

  1. To realize we are created.
  2. To realize He is the Creator.
  3. To realize that He gives us real free will and the creative power of speech in order to choose our eternal identity and our identity within our unique personal universe of consciousness while we are alive
  4. To get in touch with and actualize our deepest desire, to be like Hashem, by sincerely willing for ourselves a healthier and more beneficial image, rather than continue within our patterns that are causing pain and damage to us or others.
  5. To realize that we cannot do this without Him and that our survival is in His Hands alone, not ours.

All of this is to bring out the design of the world and to hold Hashem in proper awe.

Yet there is the amazing piece of love for Hashem, something that we may not be in touch with.

It is from this place of love for Hashem that I write today.

The gratitude I have for the last year of growth is tremendous.  It has brought me to see my next step.  I am so excited to delve into and write my plan because I see that if Hashem is as generous with the spiritual accomplishments He gave me last year with these spiritual goals, my whole level of living internally will shift to simcha and joy in eradicating a core painful thought habit.

Those of you who have been following my journey know from my blog that I have been working on improving myself for all of my adult years. This year, my spiritual goal is to free the work that I have done from my survival instincts so that love and compassion are actualized from love rather than from fear.  The insight Hashem has blessed me with just in these first four days of Elul are showing me where what has been a source of pain for many years is really a replay of a pattern imprinted very early in life.  I am so grateful that Hashem has shown it to me.  This year is dedicated to making a change and to learning the skills I need to take steps towards expressing that change.

Of course I want all the material and physical worldly blessings that everyone needs, that we all share.  I am a creation.  Hashem is the Creator Who determines everything in my life.  He grants us life.  May what I am excited about be meritorious in His Eyes and may He grant me, my family, and all of Klal Yisrael a year of blessing, redemption, love, mercy, health, wealth and all that we hold dear as we pursue wherever our free will point is, to bring out in us more and more of the tzelem elokim so that His Love and Mercy may be seen in the world.

Rabbi Nivin Elul Workshop 5779

Updated steps to ask for forgiveness, For Elul

It is helpful to read this blog post before using the steps in this post

http://beyondanydoubts.com/2018/08/06/correlating-derech-hashem-to-the-use-of-free-will-love-and-awe-of-hashem-and-healing-shame/

Here it is in slide form so that the thought chain can be seen more clearly

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1xZldHfDwTpIIjFVV9RycGHproa4kk5PCTIzIVhiTuVg/edit?usp=sharing

Resolving Shame has a comprehensive overview to help understand the value of the inner dialogue suggestions in the slides below.

 

My heart is straight for Hashem (Submission)

Step back from reactive thought and see the thought that is painful, judging, hurtful  cursing demonizing.

Realize that some sense of lack stemming from within the limits of self-consciousness (taiva, gaiva, craving for honor) (not actual apparent danger – although this is applicable in actual danger too because often following real danger there is a painful and somehow false interpretation rooted in a flaw of taiva, gaiva or craving for honor)  is generating sadness, frustration/anger/fear that triggered a hurtful response. “Sad mad bad” for short – a hurtful response (to fight or flee)  is directed towards another, towards oneself, towards Hashem, or towards life

I am a creation. There is a Creator Who is all loving and merciful. I bow my heart to Him to find what Hashem wants me to “run” in ratzo v’shov to Him, what He wants from me right now, having placed me in this situation.  I accept this place of shifless, to serve Hashem from this lowliness..

My will is to cleave to Torah and Attributes of Mercy with all my heart, all my soul and all my might (Separation)

From a place of emunah cry out that I am disconnected from feeling what I know, which is that Hashem is all loving and merciful and only does good, and I wish to reconnect. My request is to be able to reveal Your Love and Mercy. PLEASE help me feel Your Love and Mercy in this place where I feel pain.

I love You Hashem and I understand the design and with love and awe in my heart for You,  I am crying out to You and focusing on this place of pain, to fill the very same place with Your love and mercy.  I choose to be like You Hashem. As I do the mitzvahs of loving Hashem and having awe of Hashem, please open the channels and help me feel Your love and mercy so that I may reveal Your love and mercy in this very same place where I feel pain. That is what I choose.

Some helpful ideas for hisbodidus

Choose as appropriate to help the grip onto hurtfulness let go

Tell Hashem “I see my survival instinct is activated and I am trembling. I am turning to You for help. Please help me calm down and bring Your Torah and compassion into my heart. Right now the reality of Your compassion is blocked by understanding and interpretation that is somehow false.

  • IT IS MY WILL TO REVEAL LOVE AND MERCY, TO BE ONE WITH YOUR COMPASSION
    • You are the Source of intellect, life, love and security,  including all my thoughts right now and that with Your help, these thoughts will improve through my sincere free willed choice to ask to be able to act like You..my choice is to reveal Your Love and Mercy. Please help me feel Your Love and Mercy which is in everything at all times, although blocked from me feeling it right now

 

    • Please it is my will that the spiritual energy that is trapped within the thought be free to express love and mercy.
      • Thank you for this opportunity to bring spiritual energy trapped in a block to You so that it may express love and mercy rather than animate this pain. PLEASE help me.

 

  • DIALOGUE WITH  THE HURT PLACE WITH LOVE FOR HASHEM AND  AWE IN THE DESIGN ACTIVE IN THE HEART AS WELL AS THE PAIN
    • From a place of emunah, ask the part that is shaking what it is defending me from? Listen to it deeply while actively feeling love for Hashem, and notice if the feeling of love for Hashem quiets it somewhat ( love produces the enzyme oxytoxin which turns off the limbic system stress response enzyme cortisol). If not, keep breathing in and out while feeling love for Hashem and awe in the design, holding space for whatever painful feelings and reactions come to mind until some safety restores.
      • As it calms, ask it if it felt inadequate and what interpretation it has about that – did it feel shame, embarrassment?.
        • If it is self-blame ask it how it is protecting me by telling me i am inadequate. What is its suggestion of what I should have done and why?
      • Ask it why it has trust in its suggested reactive response to do something hurtful to restore a sense of safety?.
        • Ask it if it is willing to consider that being the most powerful and fearsome might be missing something very important?
        • If it is not willing to let go yet, ask it if it has a glimmer of hope that to take a different course of action might work out better in the long run.
          • If the answer is still no, ask it if it wishes it has a glimmer of hope that a different course of action might work out better in the long run.
          • If the continued answer is still no, ask it if it wishes it wishes it has a glimmer of hope that a different course of action might work out better in the long run.

 

When it says yes, I want to serve Hashem, continue

Reflect its messages back so it feels heard and lead it to healing

  • Receive its message. Ask if there is anything else.  Assuming it has been heard, ask it if it would like to be redeemed from the pain.
    • Ask it if it realizes it is speaking lashon hara about someone else or even motzei shemr, and how that may be backfirig? Ask it if it may be willing instead to see the tzelem elokim in the self or other enough to give the benefit of the doubt, understanding the design of man, and therefore offering a way to see a different interpretation regarding  the matter based on the other person having simply been in fight or flight themselves, how they may be confused.
    • Ask it why it wants to show me a negative image that shouts inadequacy (about the self or other person) and why should I believe its image (which may have been based on imagination of a young child with an underdeveloped mind)  rather than ask myself or the person directly if there is any question?
      • Ask it why, if it knows I will feel inadequate and feel shame by the image it is showing me, would it present such an argument if it is trying to protect me or help me protect myself from hurt or damage?
      • Ask it if it is wanting me to believe lashon hara about myself rather than seeing myself as made in Hashem’s image?

Invite it to consider speaking without the falsehoods from either immaturity and/or imagination disconnected from actual truth (Torah and Hashem’s 13 attributes of mercy)

 

Ask if the feeling of love for Hashem and the feeling of awe in the design which are in my heart are having a positive impact on its pain and reducing its condemnations,  judgments and demonizations. Does it wish for healing and blessing to result?

 

Ask it if it has a way to help me release the pain and if not, would it listen to a suggestion so the pain could finally become regulated, the pattern discarded, and safety restored.

 

Keep breathing in and out until it feels aligned.

 

Try to sense where its interpretations originated and encourage it to join with the True Power – to  replace its painful interpretations rooted in falsehood with understanding rooted in truth that leads to healing

 

  • Ask it if its suggestion of damaging action to take has ever come out well and if not, why does it have emunah in hurtful power if it knows it is distorted, formed in childhood by a young mind? Ask it to tell you about that, to let you feel that memory.

 

    • Ask it if it could see how had someone helped me process the feeling when young, these limiting beliefs and painful patterns might never have developed. Forgive. Breathe.  Focus compassion into that very place.
    • Ask it if it is willing to reveal real power by making a kiddush Hashem instead, using Hashem’s kochos trapped in that limited place  in its pure form, compassion?
      • If no, ask it if,when it feels a lack, would it help to remember that safety and love come from Hashem, and if so, would it be willing to lend its strength and power toward making kiddush Hashem?
      • If no, ask if it wants His security and love?
      • If no,.ASK IT IF IT COULD REALLY USE ITS POWER TO REMOVE SHAME –  the painful feeling for which it is attempting to defend itself – for this lifetime as well as for all eternity?

 

When it admits it cannot,

 

  • Ask if it sees the real chance Torah teaches us,  that by choosing to act G’dly right now, that causative effort  WOULD remove the feeling of inadequacy that generates shame, now and for all eternity?  by choosing to be like Hashem right now, we have the real ability to design ourselves within our inner unique universe as tzelem elokim over the natural and that is the remedy for pain and blame and shame because shame is a consequence of not being able to be Hashem and in our small universe we ARE able to be like Hashem in creating our identity.

 

  • Remind it that Adom ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil because he wanted to be a Creator like Hashem. Resolving the shame felt due to the lesser status of a created being in relation to its Creator can take place when we use free will to choose to be G-d-like. This is the point of Hashem creating a world and giving us real free will and the creative power of speech.

 

Ask if it is willing to upgrade the  help it wishes to give to me

  • Ask if it sees how its power could have a greater impact by choosing to bring compassion into the world and thereby act like Hashem – the only Power -,with Hashem helping?
    • Ask if it is ready to cling to making a kiddush Hashem instead of clinging to deceptions and limiting beliefs?
    • Ask it if it realizes that clinging to falsehood has no eternal benefit and ask if it wishes to have eternal connection to Hashem’s love and compassion and life force.
    • Ask it if it would help increase excitement to see that  this is an “opportunity of lifetime” to choose to be like Hashem, by using free will to emulate Hashem over what distorted action its natural urges are suggesting  right now?
    • Ask it if seeing how being G’dlike  is an actual upgrade to protection against what is happening right now that helps it feel excited, does it also feel gratefulness and empowerment to heal? Would that be worth letting go of feeling threatened, pained, ashamed?
  • If calmness begins, make a mental picture of the thought and feeling chain that presented itself so that it may now be spoken out loud to Hashem.

Speak out loud to Hashem  

4 steps of teshuva

Confess out loud to Hashem the flaws (desire, anger, craving for honor) as well as the natural hurtful urge in great detail that is being generated  to restore the perceived lack.

  • Describe how the steps from that urge are or have been in the past unproductive, damaging, and possibly aveiras.

 

  • Tell Hashem that I believed the deception because I forgot my true identity, which  is that I am made in your Image and have real free will to choose to reveal compassion and be like Hashem rather than express something conscious only of material and physical existence…

 

Tell Hashem I regret doing this, that I see I fell victim to something deceptive and invested my pure soul in something false and limiting and I am stopping. I wish to redeem what I have trapped in falsehood and return to You.

My plan for the future is when I have this reaction to turn to You Hashem and ask for help and to not act on it by instead going through this personal prayer.

 

Ask for forgiveness and healing

  • Ask Hashem to please help all the positive spiritual energy within me once again reveal the true expression of Your Love and Mercy so that I feel Hashem’s love and mercy so that I may reveal love and mercy, bringing blessing warmth and love into speech and deeds.
  • Ask Hashem that the positive spiritual energy that He Designs that has drawn me over and over to this pattern also be unified back to Him and be the glue to which instead I cling for life to Hashem. (If there is another person involved, send a blessing there as well)

 

Breathe in and out while focusing on the place of pain, feeling love for Hashem and awe in the design, asking Hashem to replace the pain with love and mercy

Feel love for Hashem and awe in the design (Ramchal teaches that love and awe are wings…) while feeling all the disconnecting feelings. Describe the feelings and “refill” them with the love and awe for Hashem that is felt in the heart.

  • “run” (through the dynamic feeling of love for Hashem and awe in the design of how He has constructed our soul to return Divine creative energy to Him) all the positive spiritual energy animating the reactivity within me to Hashem
  • ask that I feel His love and mercy in the very place within me that is filled with pain.
  • Tell Hashem that I do not want to express how I feel from these negative hurtful reactions because I see they are not true and damaging and I wish to protect my soul.  I wish to be part of His Compassion, expressing His love and mercy instead of expressing the pain.
  • Tell Hashem i want to express His Love and Mercy and to please help me remove the confusion of mind that is attracting me to falsehood and deception.

 

Breathe in and out until calmness and clarity shift

  • ask Hashem that all the positive spiritual energy flow back to my heart as compassion, that I may reveal in my speech and deeds so that He may be revealed in this world.
  • feel everything that comes up while feeling love and awe. Breathing love and awe while describing infuses love and awe into the “material” of the originating thought.

Trust in Hashem, be One with Him – Sweetening

  • Thank Hashem for giving me real free will and speech to form an identity for myself for all eternity as made in His Image.
  • Thank Hashem for the gift of being like Him in being able to create this image, for being given this creative power, so that this choice to be like Him innoculates me from the bread of shame for all eternity.
  • Thank Hashem for the experience of inadequacy and shame in the deceptive place of ego so that I could choose to be like Him in my personal microdot of consciousness that is my unique universe.

Form blessings and healing

  • Realize that these steps help remove the zoohama from having eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
  • Ask that the strength that was trapped in the pain and the strength of the cause of the limiting thought itself now be available to cling to Him.
    • Ask that the tree of life, of being one with Hashem’s lovingkindness, be felt in my survival instincts, weakening the grip of the yetzer hara.

Ask to please help me reveal Your love and mercy in my speech and deeds.

If childhood impressions float through the mind as the recognizable source for the messages of inadequacy, breathe them out gently.

 

ASK THAT THIS TESHUVA be a merit for klal Yisrael so that we are meritorious for redemption b’ahava.

 

Continue reading

A few points to keep in mind as a guide through the personal prayer


The above media clip is a translation from the Derech of Rabbi Asher Freund and has been added because of the topic – that our survival and intelligence are dependent upon Hashem alone.

Important points of truth to keep in mind:

  1. The lower brain, the limbic system, when it feels a lack and is sad feels frustration/anger/fear and immediately has a survival instinct to discharge a “self-protective” act to protect us. Anyone who observes toddlers understands how sad mad bad is instantaneous.  It is important to understand this about our physiology so that we do not fall into the grips of the illusions the yetzer hara shows us to keep us in the “bad” frame of mind, judging, demonizing, fretting, worrying, screaming, hurting, fighting, etc.
  2. The root of feeling lack in the first place originates in the true reality that we are not Hashem and wish we could be Hashem. The awareness that we are created beings and not the Creator means that no matter how good we are, we simply are unable to attain the level of lovingkindness and giving of the Creator.
  3. Awareness of why we feel lack in relation to the material and physical world – the understanding that all lack we feel materially, physically, or emotionally is “hijacked” awareness from realizing we are a creation and not the Creator – helps us to take a step back immediately when we have a strong negative emotion IF we have strong emunah in Hashem. Emunah is the muscle that enables our awareness to help us pause our “sad mad bad” reaction BEFORE we act upon it.
  4. From that place of emunah, we are able to recognize the opportunity we have to truly heal the feeling of lack not only in its “hijacked” condition in our unique personal universe within our material and physical existence, but truly for all eternity. The key is to trust that everything we feel that is negative has something false within it because everything Hashem creates is good, and therefore there is a false interpretation or belief that is the outcome of one of our flaws or erroneous patterns or sins that we are experiencing AND IT IS COMING TO BE HEALED.
  5. The opportunity is NOW. Thank you Hashem!

Hashem, I have an interpretation or belief or a past failure or aveira or false belief that is generating a feeling of sadness and I do not want it or any of its outcomes and I especially do not wish to act upon it or cause damage in any way.  However, it is pervasive within my thoughts right now and feels as though my very survival depends upon my taking an action that might be damaging.

I need Your help. It is my will that all of the positive spiritual energy from within my errors, aveiras, false beliefs and more be returned to their true purpose, to reveal Your Love and Mercy.

To reveal Your love and mercy I ask to feel Your Love and Mercy. 

I love You Hashem, and I recognize the design – the shame that falls into images that the yetzer hara shows of others who have more (jealousy), of what I want and don’t have (desires) and of craving for recognition and honor (kavod) along with the “good” advice it offers to help me restore my “image” in whatever way it feels is necessary as if success is up to me – and I do not want it. I don’t want the feelings, I don’t want to follow that path, and I don’t want any of the “pleasures” that it is suggesting I reach for.

If I am to have these material and physical pleasures, I know it would be a gift from You, that I cannot take it for myself. All I want is to take this opportunity to turn all my heart and all my soul and all my might to reveal You in the very place where I feel the darkness right now.  Please help me feel Your love and mercy so that I may reveal it. 

I am crying out to You from within the feeling of loving Hashem and having awe in the design and pleading with You to please accept this love and awe and bring along with the love and awe all the spiritual positive energy otherwise animating the pain. Please give all the spiritual energy back to me in a way that I feel Your love and mercy.

Please may the strength of the pain turn into strength of feeling Your love and mercy.

Please may my heart shift and bow to You so that I am unified, body and soul, to reveal Your love and mercy as I wish to. 

I seek within my personal unique universe to be like You Hashem, to reveal the characteristics of the tzelem elokim that is made in Your image as my image of choice. 

If there are matters that come to mind for which teshuva is required (finding and admitting these are truly how the healing comes), confess them here, such as bearing a grudge, hating someone in our hearts, being haughty, being greedy, lustful, etc…

A closer look at our point of feeling disconnected and a way to ask to reconnect

Let’s take a closer look at that moment where we feel disconnected from Hashem’s love and mercy.  We might feel a hole in our stomach.  Something goes blank.  We don’t understand something.

What happens next?

Almost immediately we feel a judgment and a demonization.  It is either toward another or toward ourselves or both, or towards life or towards Hashem. But let’s look even more closely.  If I am feeling this hole in my stomach or this separation, what does it mean?  I must be perceived by the other person or by Hashem as inadequate.  In what am I inadequate?  Now we search for our flaws, and we start to consider our shortcomings regarding kina, kavod and taiva,  and we associate this inadequacy and the feeling of separation as a result of our flaw and therefore we have the pain of shame.  Something is not going the way it should, I have emotional pain, what went wrong?, I must be inadequate, what is my flaw, oh I am no good.

Does that chain of thinking sound familiar?

Where does it come from?

We did something by mistake.  We get rebuked.  We feel badly.  We think about it. We are supposed to make a correction.

That sounds like normal childhood education.

So what goes wrong?

The answer to that is safety and love.  Without safety and love, our survival is at stake.  The message of our worthiness is connected to our reactive brain rather than being able to remain where it belongs – as a small, beloved creation of Hashem, from a love that cannot be broken, because we are made in Hashem’s image.  The feeling of shame is a part of the soul when the soul is aware that it is not Hashem, that there is a Hashem Who is greater than the soul can ever be.  It is for this awareness that Hashem gives us free will and the creative power of speech, so that we may, in our microcosmic personal microdot of a universe choose to be tzelem elokim and emulate Hashem and do mitzvahs.  We are given a chance and a way to create for ourselves with a G-dlike ability our identity as tzelem elokim by choosing over our natural responses that draw us into disconnection, namely kina kavod and taiva.  Hence, Hashem gives us a lifetime and a world where evil is allowed to exist so that we truly have free will.

Let’s replay it now from the top. We feel disconnected from Hashem’s love and mercy.  We might feel a hole in our stomach.  Something goes blank.  We don’t understand something.

Hashem, I am feeling disconnected from Your love and mercy. 

I feel unloved, abandoned and unsafe, judged and afraid of having my ego annihilated by demonization of something. 

I understand what has happened here.  I am caught up in safety and love being provided from the material and physical world and that is not happening right now.  I am experiencing lacks in the areas of kina….kavod…taiva….and it feels dangerous.

I am terrified.  I feel a set of shaming and upsetting emotions. I feel like lashing out. 

But I don’t want to do any of that.  My whole system is shaking.  Please, I know that at all times You love me and that my safety is in YOUR hands alone.  But I am not feeling that love and mercy right now.  I feel instead a reaction to something in the material and physical world that is telling me that I am less than something else and it hurts.

I see my opportunity to uplift this pain by emulating You and choosing to remember that I am, in reality, made in Your Image and that this is my chance to choose that over this natural response.

I do want to feel Your love and mercy so that I may respond in a way that reveals love and mercy, so that I emulate You.  I choose for my identity to be that of the tzelem elokim that You give me and not from this reactive place of inadequacy and shame because I am a flawed creation who has developed beliefs about the material and physical world about  my safety and love which are not entirely true.  My safety and love come from You. Please help me.

Please take the positive spiritual creative Divine energy that is animating my distress and use it to heal my flaw and to help me be a strong vessel to reveal Your love and mercy.  That is what I want, what I choose. 

I know You know my flaws, kina, kavod and taiva. You gave them to me.  What do You want me to do with this flaw…to remain with false beliefs about safety and love that generate in me the feeling of shame or to ask You, the Creator, to help me move with all my love and all my soul and all my might to reveal tzelem elokim ? 

I know that I cannot move on my own, but it is who I want to be, and I am asking for Your help.  Please help me.