Resolving Shame

Spiritual, emotional and practical healing of shame

Compilation of resources to help uplift spiritual energy trapped in shame and negativity and thereby act like Hashem and resolve shame for this lifetime as well as for all eternity

This page is being started elul in preparation for 5779.  The goal is to continue adding resources.

If you know of a resource that belongs here, please contact me through the comment section.

In the shiur below by Rabbi Mendel Kessin on the Ramchal, Rabbi Kessin explains the overall view of this world – that Hashem desires to give us good for all eternity and, as created beings, we would otherwise feel a lack in not ever being able to attain the level of kindness held by Hashem, to be a Creator like Hashem.

In order to mitigate that feeling of shame/jealousy from our emotional experience for all eternity, Hashem blesses us with a lifetime where we have real free will and He endows us with the real creative power of speech to actually choose to be like Hashem and act upon it, thereby resolving the cause of shame/jealousy.


In our lifetime, by using a microdot of Hashem’s creative power that He gives us through free will and speech, we ARE like Hashem in creating our own personal unique universe.  That effort is being like Hashem and is the purpose for which we are created.

Understanding this makes all the difference when we experience negative emotions.  Rabbi Kessin explains that all emotional illness/despair is rooted in the feeling of inadequacy and the painful interpretations we have of these inadequacies, stemming from the innate shame we have of not being able to be G’d that now falls into a sense of inadequacy in relation to the material and physical world. Once that powerful painful emotion of shame is deceptively”captured” by the physical and material world (fallen from its actual truth in relation to Hashem), the yetzer hara can draw from our holy essence by our attempts to focus on restoring “adequacy” from goals in time and space based on our “image/ego”.  The yetzer hara draws holiness  from a living being iin this way.

We are tzelem elokim and cannot be diminished by even one atom!  We may have flaws, but we are never inadequate because we are not in charge of success…only effort.  And our choice to  emulate Hashem is 100 percent in our hands.

Here is Rabbi Kessin’s shiur from

The question is how to do this? How do we authentically shift our focus from the material and physical world, survival instincts,  and all the measures of success that we logically develop back to a focus of emulating Hashem and feeling and revealing His Love and Mercy?

The pursuit of answers leads to texts such as the Arizal, Mesillas Yesharim, Tanya and more. First, it is important to understand that within each of our unique missions, the Ramchal tells us we have a universal mission to elevate the holy sparks

Being sensitive to this shared universal mission of raising the holy sparks requires nullifying the physical and material world enough to embrace the opportunities that arise because we are alive. This is what is underneath our challenging moments…we have real free will to react to the challenge with material and physical world-oriented responses, based on nature alone.  Alternatively, we have real free will to remember that we are creations and that we have a spiritual purpose that is our primary mission  – to bring rectification and unification to these holy sparks.

How do we do this?

When we have love in our heart for Hashem and understand the design of the world, that love and awe that we feel become our association with Hashem’s lovingkindness, and, when we then use the creative power of speech to  ask Hashem to please send His love and mercy into this very place of challenge, the lovingkindness becomes the “soul” of the words.

What does that remind us of?  When Hashem creates the world, His Compassion is the soul of the world. He utters words and objects form.

In that very moment, in our private unique universe, our love for Hashem and awe for Hashem are the intentions we focus – and in personal prayer we ask Hashem to bestow HIs love and mercy  – on the area of challenge by speaking it out.  We literally are given free will and speech that re-form the challenge!

We ask Hashem to come into the picture  before we take any action. We start this from a yearning for healing, a place of having  love and awe for Hashem in our hearts. Change begins. On a small scale, we literally conducted ourselves like G’d. Amazingly, Hashem gives us a role to play to be G’d-like.

In the Arizal’s commentary on Parshas Re’eh, in the meditations on the slaughterings of sacrifices, the Arizal explains in detail how the kohen’s kavannah heals the blemish on the reincarnated soul within the animal sacrifice.  There is the spiritual energy within the animal and there is the reincarnated soul, and the Kohen, through love and awe of Hashem and proper ritual sacrifice, is able to bring all the spiritual energy to rectification and unification to Hashem.

“We are to picture the mentality of the brain figuratively descending through the two channels of the throat into the torso.  The act of ritual slaughter…empties these vessels of their blood, [and] neutralizes the negative forces that threaten to thwart the safe passage of Divine consciousness from head to heart..the Divine light that fell from the world of tohu and became embedded as self-oriented consciousness and egocentricity in the fabric of the lower worlds, including ours…the negativity and egocentricity inherent in creation since the fall accompanying the primordial sin, which is our task to counteract by eliciting Divine mercy and love.”  Apples from the Orchard p. 912

Before performing a good deed or giving of charity,…say “I am doing this in order to unify the Holy One, blessed be He, and His Shechina, in love and fear of G’d, in the name of all Israel”. In thi way, he will connect the yud kei with the vav kei” Apples from the Orchard p. 920

From these words of the Arizal, we can come to see how our painful emotions are full of “blood” and how the act of remembering that feeling negative emotions is a sign we are in galus – that is, we are disconnected from feeling the truth of Hashem’s constant love and mercy – and therefore we have an opportunity to make a causative effort that is the purpose for which we are given a lifetime.  

From a place of emunah and bitachon, our opportunity is to use the real free will and the creative power of speech Hashem gives us  to begin  healing.  When we “stop bleeding” enough to realize that there is something within us that is coming to be healed, and we muster the emunah to make the causative effort, we are taking purposeful and intentional steps  to unify our lower and higher wills.

What is the causative effort?

Whatever spiritual positive Divine energy is hidden within everything seeks expression. We have free will to express it either in its painful covered presentation OR by first extracting it so that its “PURE” state of compassion is expressed. The former – the covered presentation – is the concealment of subjectivity, where we feel pained and in a “lacking” orientation. The latter is when we utilize the Divine gifts of free will and speech and recognize and take the opportunity to redeem holiness from the matter, fulfilling the universal mission of elevating the holy sparks.  This important work is often lost in the mire of our subjective viewpoints and, if we can muster the courage and the emunah to change our perspective on our challenges, we can come to see the opportunity of a lifetime – to  be G’d-like.

The unification comes through the dynamic process of actually feeling  love and awe for Hashem.  The love and awe we generate in our hearts is like a counter-magnet, offsetting the imagination that wants to judge and demonize based on self-consciousness with the truth – Hashem’s love and mercy and Torah.  When we step back to stand in a place of emunah and clinging to truth, we  use free will and speech to activate the real power of our neshama, which is to be like G’d in the moment within our personal universe of consciousness!  We cry out to Hashem.  We recognize the “tohu” – the animating vitality of the negative emotion – that needs for us to recognize its galus and redeem it from the dead-end of self-consciousness in order to return and unify its kochos to its Source. (listen to Rabbi Tatz on the 974 generations to understand tohu)  This heals us in the moment, bringing safety calmness and clarity, as well as fulfills the purpose of this corridor as a way to the world to come, where we hope and pray to be free of the bread of shame.

We may have no idea what the outcome is in the material and physical world.  However, we trust that the matter was sent to us so that we could recognize the primary mission – to draw forth the positive spiritual energy concealed in the challenge and redeem it so that it may express compassion rather than express the painful distortion subjectivity in which subjectivity conceals it.  All this by choosing to be G’d-like rather than remain within our subjective perspective.

For more on this dynamic process, please hear it from the translations of the Derech of Rabbi Asher Freund.

And discussion about redeeming positive spiritual energy from the Ohr HaChaim:

Parshas Shelach – Commentary from Ohr HaChaim – the land is good

Within the crying out that Rabbi Asher Freund teaches, it is helpful to discern and confess to Hashem whatever we are able to detect regarding the inner messages of inadequacy, our painful interpretations of what that means SO THAT WE SEE HOW WE ARE IN GALUS IN THE LIMITING BELIEF about who we are. 

Submission to being a creation with a Creator comes first.

Are we our subjective individual appearing selves, autonomous, self-conscious, self-preserving and independent, or are we tzelem elokim with unique missions as Hashem’s creations who fulfill His Will?

In truth we are tzelem elokim!!  In truth, all there is in the world is Hashem!!  We only have this alter-image, this ego, in order to experience the “tohu” self-consciousness that needs to be reunited with its Source!  The mistake we make is confusion regarding who the real self is.  And that is where we apply real free will and the creative power of speech, exercising the G’d-given power to choose to be G’d-like and reveal tzelem elokim over our natural reactions. (see Tomer Devorah)

If we realize that the solution to our painful interpretations and emotions is to ask Him to please help us feel His Love and Mercy in that very place, so that we may be like Hashem and reveal love and mercy, not only do we feel better in this world but we eradicate shame for all eternity.

With our intention to “refill” that painful space with love for Hashem and awe in Hashem, we open a channel that heals the blemish of the “soul” of the pain, whether it is our own soul that is trapped there or something from another lifetime. 

Our intention to heal it by loving Hashem and having awe of Hashem activates our true essence as tzelem elokim, and our request to feel Hashem’s love and mercy so that we may reveal His love and mercy instead of feeling and expressing the pain IS our causative effort. 

In that moment, we are close to Hashem. 

We are choosing to be like Hashem.

And since the cause of all emotional distress is rooted in the shame of being “less” than Hashem, we add repair for the original mistake of having eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil!

Life is a way of building eternal identity free from shame, by analogy in a similar way that a “flu shot” innoculation has dead vaccine that prevents the disease.  We have an ego and a choice – we have a temporary identity and a tzelem elokim. To choose to be like Hashem “immunizes” us from shame for all eternity because awareness that we acted like Hashem will remain with us, eradicating enough the feeling of not being able to be Hashem Himself.

The steps on the slides below are based on the BESHT submission, separation and sweetening.

The application of these steps can be applied to our very survival instincts.

Through the crying out from the derech offered by Rabbi Asher Freund, it is possible to speak to Hashem and affect the energetic material.  Our dialogue with our negative messages can show us how the zuhama – the confusion from having eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil – baffles our survival instincts and and holds us vulnerable to more pain rather than seeing the truth, that our survival depends only on Hashem.  This is how the yetzer hara ‘noshes’ off our holiness.

We do not have to let!

When we confront our moral confusion (e.g. do not hate, do not covet, do not bear false witness, etc) from a place of love and awe, and we ask Hashem to help, the positive spiritual energy trapped in the confusion is able to return to holiness and leave the dross behind.

The yetzer hara is there to test us but it does not really want to succeed even though it will open to the opportunity to bring forth its evil full force.  In the end, when we succeed, a portion of the yetzer hara is  elevated and therefore can receive tikun, and that is actually good for it and it wants that.  Because it is loyal to Hashem, it animates evil to test us to the fullest.  When we fail, it then becomes the Soton who accuses us, with vengeance for what we did not do – it has a personal interest in prosecuting us because we failed to help it achieve its eternity (the yetzer hara otherwise perishes when there is no more free will.)

Let’s build emunah in Hashem and trust in our use of free will and speech.

 Rav Dror

Rabbi Tatz on 974 generations of tohu

In-depth secular understanding of the brain and

how within nature shame falls to the ego

(instead of remaining in relation to not ever being able to be Hashem Himself)

To understand how shame falls from its innate quality of noticing we are not Hashem to all the ways we feel pain and negative emotions, watch Lori Petro, Teach from Love.  free 10-day online retreat  These are posted here to help get self-understanding.  It may also help interactions with others.

How emunah and hisbodidus help in using

free will and speech to unify our soul and Hashem’s Name

In essence, knowing Hashem is all good, we can view our challenges as the opportunity Hashem designs them to be – “the opportunity of a lifetime” to form an eternal identity free of feeling inadequate in relation to Hashem by having real free will and speech to choose to be G’d-like while we are in this world!  Instead of staying focused on the zoomed in view of the material and physical world alone, we can upgrade our consciousness to see the healing for this world and the tremendous gift of having been made b’tzelem elokim so that we may choose our essence as our true identity in this world and the next.

Here is a link to the slides below – check the link to see any updates of the slides

Looking for a community of support? Women are invited to join our emunah zoom and/or whatsapp emunah sharing

Emunah Zoom

Torah 48 from Rabbi Nachman

“Best of the Best” – A Compilation of Torah from Across the Spectrum of Torah-True Judaism

Fundamental Classes

Lights of Emunah

Geula From Within

Rabbi Nivin Elul Workshop 5779

Down with Zuhama – Up with Tzelem Elokim! Hashem help! We only want YOU