The benefit to learning Torah is finding the wisdom needed to understand more deeply how to serve Hashem in the moment.
Chaim Vital writes in Shaare Kedusha
“…the holy soul which is [akin to] the “fruit” and is composed of 613 limbs and gidim (248 limbs+365 gidim=613), wears the 613 limbs and gidim of the evil soul which is called the “shell of the fruit”, and both of them together wear the 613 limbs and gidim of the body. Hence, the limbs of the holy soul are inside the limbs of the evil soul, and the limbs of the evil soul are inside the limbs of the body. And behold, each of these 2 spiritual souls need spiritual food to exist. However the food for the holy soul is drawn to it through fulfilling the torah which includes 613 mitzvot similar to the 613 limbs of the soul, and the torah is called “bread” as is written “come and eat of my bread” (Mishlei 9:5).”
The understanding that this wisdom brings is that our neshama is the fruit within a layer/shell that we feel far more readily because the shell is nearer to the body. Thus, when we have a negative reaction or judgment, it is appropriate to begin a dialogue with Hashem.
First, however, it is appropriate to talk to the neshama that is in pain in the negativity. Please neshama tell me what is covering you right now, what are the feelings in which you are trapped?
As we hear the words – inadequacy, anger, self-pity, fear – we arouse love for Hashem and awe in the design. We understand the design!
A part of our neshama is enlivening the negative reaction because it is wholly covered by the shell of our natural thinking and responses. Yet the neshama wants to flow to the love and awe that we are drawing into our heart. It does not need to be inspired to do so…it is ready and set to burst forth. However, with our free willed choice and speech, it is up to us to pull back the shell that encases it.
We do this by breathing and praying out loud to Hashem, “Hashem, I love you and understand the design. A part of my neshama is drawn to express the negative responses of feeling …….and I don’t want to. I choose instead to feel Your love and compassion so that my neshama reveals Your love and compassion. Please help me.”
As we speak, we are breathing, and that breath brings to the neshama that is covered over a strength to join the love and awe in our hearts. The negativity of the shell over it dissolves and whatever positive spiritual strength was in it becomes nourishment for the feeling and revealing of Hashem’s love and compassion. Perhaps we will have an insight as to how to respond more lovingly, with understanding, in the matter. We know we have moved something when we feel a shift in our outlook.
Let’s say the matter started because of a perception we have about the conduct of another, where we feel slighted or insulted or hurt in any way. When we are coming from a place of love and compassion, it is far easier to re-discuss the matter because we are not judging or condemning. Instead, we can communicate with compassion for whatever might have set the conduct in place and from there, insights and closeness can abound. After all, we are all in this design of having our neshamas covered in a shell of natural responses that often produce negativity.
The key is whether the parties have the interest in compassionate communication for the purpose of personal growth in being more and more like Hashem. Obviously not everyone is oriented towards these goals. However, even if the other party is not, when we conduct ourselves in this way, we are taking steps to reveal Hashem’s love and mercy, and these steps help us connect with Hashem more and more. And do not worry about the personal needs that the shell is otherwise concerned with…Hashem knows what we need and when we take steps to feel and reveal His Love and Mercy, we are forming ourselves into better vessels and He is worthy for us to trust in that what we need and what is good for us will be provided by the One Who is running things.
When we make Hashem’s Will our will, He makes our will His Will.
We have real free will to go in the direction we wish to go. Choose life.