A comprehensive website about emunah and core Torah concepts, with analysis and explanation of the writer’s personal growth experiences in Avodas Hashem and understanding of our relationship with HaKadosh Baruch Hu.
What if having a relationship with ourselves has nothing to do with ego but everything to do with the life force concealed within our natural reactions that is seeking to come into this world through a mitzvah, a prayer, an act of chesed, or by learning Torah?
What if we got to know the external concealments well enough so that we recognize our patterns? Would that be enough or do we need something more, that something more being love and awe for Hashem and emunah? And if it is that we would need something more, namely love and awe for Hashem and emunah, how do we acquire these emotions and this power of faith when we seemingly are so otherwise identifying ourselves with externalities that are experienced internally? Do we see the confusion of mind that has resulted from the eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil? Are we interested in breaking free from the magnetic pull of nature and ego and of feeling ourselves?
A relationship with ourselves means that we have a relationship with Hashem, that we know He is doing everything and that He loves us and that He is sustaining us as well as everything in the world and orchestrating our life’s experiences. Embedded in that we see our relationship with Hashem – He is doing everything, He loves us, He is the only Being that is alive, He is the Source of our life, He is concealed so that we may have real free will. And this gives us a frame of reference for relationships with other people, for they are more clearly framed within our relationship with Hashem.
Facing the dark places we all go to means that comprehend how Hashem has designed our bodies and our souls. Feeling empowered instead of despairing when we are in the dark means that we see the opportunity to weave life force stuck concealed in the darkness into a mitzvah and thereby give it a revealed expression.
During elul I worked very hard to see that much of the emotional pain I experience naturally is due to impressions made upon my young mind when I was forming. These impressions echo and project and realizing it is not enough to make it stop. Davening, beseeching Hashem and crying give us connection with Hashem through our true essence and slowly we are able to push to an external internality the echoing. Why is that important? Hashem is concealed there but He agrees to be imprisoned there, awaiting us, the chooser, to open the door and re-garment that concealed light as a mitzvah, a chesed, a prayer, or focus on learning Torah. Although He can do miracles….that is go above nature…He agrees to be bound by nature so that there is a world and so that we have real free will. The good news that all we have to do is will to go above our natural reactions, recognizing that these are there only to be nullified, and move forward with mitzvahs so that we may weave out of our lives an eternal life.
Each time we rise above our nature, we redeem something of our own soul AND a drop of kedusha given to nature to which we otherwise would remain attracted and bonded. By re-channeling, we also bring a portion of something from nature itself – earth, wind, water, and fire – to rectification. And from that, new light that had been concealed can flow into the world.
May we realize that by forgiving everyone, including ourselves, we bring something from within us into the world along with something from nature into the world, and that positive influence is available for Hashem to use to forgive us and to give us a sweet new year, may it be a year of redemption and salvation where we are all able to experience a light that helps us build a relationship with ourselves that is spiritually strong and a mishkan for Hashem.
I woke up with an uncertainty that began to blossom into a blast from the recent past that was really an echo from long ago. With emunah in Hashem, and comprehension that we are here to run and return, to send to and fro across Jacob’s ladder, I realized that compassion on the shechina in exile had to include forgiveness of the parties from the echo of long ago, when I was just too little to know how to respond. Each piece had to be re-experienced from an adult perspective, with ahavas yisrael and the understanding of what natural thinking is for the parties involved, without blaming, but also from love, to actually release the shechina that continues to be in exile from their lacks.
And there is grief for what I was not taught that everyone seems to have as a communication tool to help work things out.
Then prayer that this shechina in exile and naturally dominating my nerve center should please serve instead to experientially convey Torah and Hashem’s will along with pervasive joy so that I may be the medium across which His Will and light reach into this world.
May the forgiveness for each party then and now expand and heal the initial ideas formed into a knot in my neurology. May the channel become straight – unblocked and uncomplicated -lines of simcha, superhighways, to convey love and light.
I took the light from where it is concealed in the knot and intended for it to become enfolded into the mitzvah of davening, may this new vessel cause the echo messages to dissolve and appear unfamiliar as I re-garment the life force into prayer.
The spiritual essence of the Jewish people is shema yisrael, shviti, ein od, and the Torah that tells us His Will. When we find knots within us that are opposite or an offense to our essence, be inspired with emunah to face and find the knot, knowing that opening that knot is salvation and blessing and healing, not the despair it presents as.
Let us lead ourselves with clinging to Him and thus be that channel for Him to flow into the world..may we move into a vision of our spiritual essence with a higher order of understanding – that we are esoteric beings with a body temporarily so that we may do this and weave for that esoteric soul an eternal garment out of the thread of our lifetime.
May our effort to do so be pleasing to Hashem, a merit, a healing, a cancellation of gezeira and a satisfaction of din for the soul as it exists in myself, my family and klal yisrael, and may the awareness of Hashem help us shower more and more compassion upon the bonds we have with what feels solid and neurologically painful in our lives. May we be zocheh to experience the simcha of dissolving those bonds and to realize experientially with the feeling of closeness and joy that we are empowered to do so and that doing His Will, drawing His Will into our hearts, speech and deeds, is the true pleasure for which we are designed.
We will stand on Yom Kippur joyously receiving forgiveness for our sins that we atone for by fasting and davening sincerely from the heart. We are asking for Hashem to have compassion upon our soul and to forgive us and give us a good year,
Likewise, when we have a pained thought or a negative reaction, we have compassion upon the Shechina that agrees to be in exile in that thought, awaiting our recognition of Him and our use of real free will to go above our natural reactions. What may hold back our sincerity though is that we are not able to forgive the cause of that painful experience.
The good news is that the painful experience was sent by Hashem so that we could find in our limbic system the originating thought that is merely echoing upon the current circumstance. Long ago, Hashem designed our lives and our pure soul became ensnared according to His Design within a thought pattern, a coping mechanism, a trauma, a false belief or other formative impression SOLELY so that WE may have real free will to return our soul to Him. It might take us many years, decades or even a lifetime to untie the knot made so young. Key is to know that it IS a knot, and that there IS pure soul that is compassionate agreeing to be “alive” within this place. It is for us to notice our patterns and to have the emunah to face the challenge. And to know that opening the knot is JOYOUS and REDEMPTIVE and to not avoid it in favor our the cheap thrills of natural egoistic “victories.”
Here are some readings from Rabbi Elimelech Biderman’s Torah Wellsprings Yom Kippur as well as from the Alter Rebbe’s Iggeres HaTeshuva to fortify us in this work.
Drushim yom kippur chapter 1 Shabbos of shabbosims
The highest of shabboses.
The holiest of the holy. You
shall mortify (with awe, subdue the body or its needs or desires) the body
(fast your souls) in the 9th in the evening, from evening to
evening, you shall stop from work and refrain from eating.
The Alter Rebbe asks why on the 9 when Yom Kippur is the 10th. Why doesn’t it say the ninth?
This shows up in Vayikra. In this one it refers to the day
as male. The other hower, the one in
achrei amot, hashem teaches aaron how to come into the holy of holies. When it
talks about the holidays it says on the ninth of the 7th month, Yom
Kippur, it says this holiest of days in a masculine way. It is called by the feminine.
He and Hoo.
Hoo is masculine, it is in a masculine form. But in achrei it is he lochem, in a feminine
Shabbat shabbaton is feminine in this chapter but in achrei
mot it says hu lachem. In the nine day,
not the ninth of the month, from evening to evening halt work and food.
The main difference is not male and female. In achrei mot
this is a law forever. But in emor it ends with the time the ninth day.
We are elevating to a status where we do not need to eat. It
is a day of intense joy.
What is important about this is that it says the seventh
month, the tenth day.
The main question is why does the passuk end differently in
both places why one masculine one feminine and why do they end differently.
In emor, chapter 17 it would have been more appropriate to
say it is an everlasting law. In achrei mot it is talking about the order of
the service and that is only relevant when there is beis hamikdosh. Otherwise it
is not relevant because you can’t do it. But an eternal law is whether or not
there is a beis hamikdosh.
In emor he is talking about the order of the festivals and
that is eternal whether or not there is a temple we cant do anything but we
still have the holidays so there it should have said eternal low, in in achrei
mot where it is describing the temple service.
So what is aaron doing in the holy of holies once a year.
He is atoning, cleansing it from the impurities of the
Jewish people, that somehow we caused impurities in the temple itself, that our
actions desecrated the temple. We make
mistakes, a korbon can become tame and yom kippur from the standpoint of the
temple is resetting the temple, cleansing it of the impurities, and that is
what the service is about. Still we have
a kapara hakodesh, from the inner point of view what does it mean to cleanse
the holy. When we say kapara there is some
kind of chait, a transgression involved.
When there is something impure it is a chait.
There is atonement. What
is that about. A direct student of Yisrael
Srug, another student of the Arizal, who wrote this book . what does he say
there? Why does it say that he atones
for the holy or he cleanses the holy. Really
he is talking about aaron who is supposed to do this. It is referring to Hashem that He is the holy
we are cleansing, not the tabernacle.
It says that Hashem is willing to dwell in us, amongst us,
even though we sin, we are impure. He
ware cleansing His presence, the Shechina.
In the same way, aaron is doing it for the tabernacle but
the real work is cleansing the shechina.
When Hashem committed to being in this world He commits to being in the
laws of this world and a prisoner cannot free Himself from incarceration so He
needs the kohen gadol to do it for Him.
His Presence is for the kohen to cleanse it. To cleanse the holiness of the holy. He changes the wording from achrei mot.
These are the questions.
To understand the changes in the wording, we have to start – what is the
purpose of mitzvahs. Why do we have commandments?
We know that the purpose of the soul is to do the
commandments today, as it says in the Zohar, and Avraham came with his
days. What we call time is meaningless
if it is not a garment for the soul. How do we wear each day? Through the commandments, that are described
as garments. The real maning of time is
the commandments we do that form the day.
Time is like a thread. One dimensional. We only see it moving in one direction. We are getting a thread of lifetime at the
speed of time. What are we going to do with it, be carried by it, time is
passing, or we take the thread and we weave it into a garment, a three dimensional
garment when we wear it. We are pulling
this thread back and forth through the commandments and creating a fabric.
Time is at first one dimensional and through our actions we
can make it two dimensional and then three dimensional when we wear it.
Why three dimensions of space and only one of time? If you have three dimensions of space, why is
time not the same, why can’t we wear time, be contained in time. How can we be contained in time? The only way we can come into it is to create
a garment we can put on . we change the
fabric of what time means to us. Otherwise life is just a passing through and
we come out with a long string but nothing to wear.
Hashem has created space in three dimensions so we have a
place to function but time is up to us. Hashem created in order to do….He
created time in such a way that through our actions we can manipulate it so we
can wear it and it can be used.
Really this fabric is made out of 613 commandments, each one
a pattern in the fabric. A person has to
perform each one. If I am in a time
period where there is no beis hamikdosh it is okay because I was also in a time
period where there was a beis hamikdosh.
When you learn chassidus and you have to try to understand
what they are saying, we see images…where do you get the idea of time forming
into a fabric. What does it mean that
you wear time? The picture that kabala
and chassidus has of the soul is that each one of us has to perform 613
commandments. There used to be no way to
do Mesiras nefesh however it has become much more normal today. Expulsion holocaust, etc.
What does a neshama do…it has to be here and here and
here, we think time is sequential, like
a thread. But gilgul means it is like we
are wrapped up in all the different periods we were in. deeper inside there is a garment around me
that I am wrapped in, and my mitzvahs in that time period created that garment,
I or the kohen gadol. I am coexisting in
all those places at the same time if I continue to coexist, if I don’t create
the garment I have to come back until I do create one to wrap myself in.
The thread is one dimensional. It becomes a garment when we do mitzvahs and we take it with us wherever we go. That is a man of all ages, of all the ages with me. Why do I learn gemara? They were setting up the basic fabric from which all the garments are made, from how we make the garments for all ages.
It says that Hashem is willing to dwell in us, amongst us, even though we sin, we are impure. He ware cleansing His presence, the Shechina. In the same way, aaron is doing it for the tabernacle but the real work is cleansing the shechina. When Hashem committed to being in this world He commits to being in the laws of this world and a prisoner cannot free Himself from incarceration so He needs the kohen gadol to do it for Him. His Presence is for the kohen to cleanse it. To cleanse the holiness of the holy. He changes the wording from achrei mot.
So really it is up to us to recognize Him, feel compassion on the Shechina in exile in our painful messages and then will to go above our natural will in run and return, to the place of bitul, and then invest it all in commandments
He says it straight out here
If anyone is seething right now…
Send the person heartfelt gemar vchasima tova. Put the shechina of your life force into the mitzvahs ahavas yisrael and not hating in our heart Bring that shechina into the world as a mitzvah, ahavas yisrael
Our soul is spent moving us through this world. We are here to weave it into a garment, which
is another word for commandment. In this way, our soul given for our lifetime
Time is easy to transfer.
Will we do a mitzvah or not? I am
giving my time to someone. That is a
spiritual quality. Many people give a
year of their life to someone.
An example from Chazal – you have a goal of weaving time
into a garment. Time is related to
malchus. We know that from a
juxtaposition of Hashem Melech , Hashem malach, Hashem Imlach liolam voed. That third one is for the time of Moshiach. Hashem Melech and malach are from
tehillim. Time is living in malchus, the
world of action, You are given time in
order to act, to do things. We are on a
global challenge – can we turn time into a garment. Light has to become a
garment, a revelation of Hashem.
Everyone has the goal of taking time and turning it into
something that can be handled like space.
But we are not masters of time like the baal shem tov. Time for him was something he could
manipulate like space. For us space
contains objects. For him he could move time objects around too. When time becomes three dimensional you can
work with it. When it is one dimensional there is not much we can do with it.
For this reason, to create the full garment, we have to
perform all the commandments even if they are not related to us. We are existing in many time frames at that
same time, all wrapped up in us. Part of
me is stuck inside Yaakov. When he goes
to do birkas kohanim, something from my time went to him, woven into the big
garment we are all weaving together.
If you are missing one mitzvah, you are missing a part of
the garment. What are the garments? What does it mean the neshama is pure and
The source of the neshama from where it is chiseled from,
like from a quarry, it is like a stone.
Stones are a stand in for letters and the neshama is made out of letters. The neshama remains letters. The neshama per se is letters. If we are not
learning the letters of the Torah our neshama is not developing. The reason the mitzvahs were given is to
purify the creations. Like if there is
gold that we want to purify. In
metallurgy we purify.
The neshama, and I am filled with other letters, and we have
to take out what is clouding what my neshama is really connected to.
The neshama remains made out of letters out of stone. That is why the image of the luchos is that
they are stone. Sapphire, that shines like the neshama itself. The source of
the neshama is brilliant letters and just as the Torah is made of letters so to
the penimius of the neshama. The external part can be made out of all sorts of
Jews are not very good at throwing stones, at fighting. It is not our profession, it is esav’s
profession. We learn for a living. That is why Yiddishkeit is going to flourish
because the world has to advance enough to become interested in intellectual knowledge
over material wealth. Only when there is material wealth can we see we need
intellectual knowledge that is filled from words.
The way that they saw the brick under hashem ‘s feet at har
sinai…also talking about letters..and when it was taken out of the source it
was pure divinity. When it came down, it
comes into a physical body and connected to physicality.
First It enters world of creation, the world of thought and
receives the quality of being a yeish.
Before that it was totally nullified.
It had no being, being is a state
of being, a yeish. Once you get there
you don’t remembver what it was like to not be.
We cannot grasp ayin once it comes into the world of
creation from atzilus to beriah.
The neshama extends from atzilus into beria. Light extends, it does not leave its source
and there it does not have a separate being.
Then it continues to descend, Hashem creates and forms it with
malachim. Yetzer tov and yetzer ra, the
emotional world of the neshama. Then it
has a part of it that is not real. When
we reach upwards, this world can become bittul.
Once we have a yeishm it is very hard to bitul. But if you connect to atzilus, the source,
then it is hard to act in this world. The baal shem tov could go back and forth
between them. Even though he was clinging to the source he could pay attention
to what a regular person was telling him and understand what the person’s
troubles were, he could empathize. He
didn’t do them at the same time, he ran and retuned between them
This is the extension of the neshama throughout the
worlds. A thought and a feleing of being
, then emotions which are angels yetzira, and finally it comes down and is
blown into our nostrils. What does that
mean? Into asiya, in a physical body. Thought is not a body but it is
limited. You cant think illogically or
that is not thought. In beria where
there is thought there ahs to be logic.
Emotions are not physical but they affect the physical because we act
according to how we feel and they are not rational but they have a
mechanism. In the source there is a lot
of freedom, Hashem can do what He wants.
We can have as much freedom as we want as long as it is all
pure, doing His Will.
Kindly take the time to listen to this share…it is not typed out because it is recorded from the heart….the purpose of the share is to increase awareness that everything we are experiencing is an echo from when we first attached to this world and is intended by Hashem for us to realize it is He in exile within our subconscious asking us to choose to return the holy spark to Him using our real free will.
It takes emunah to do this, to drag ourselves from the fiery coals of our natural thinking and pain and self-image curtains. Yet the end result is that place in our mind no longer is a home for the trigger as a painful event, but rather as an awareness that helps us bring Torah and chesed and radical acceptance and trust in Hashem into our hearts, our thoughts, our speech and our deeds.
May the light we serve as a channel back to Him bring a new light, a light of healing, salvation and redemption for all. And when He returns the captives to Zion, may the joy of our effort be eternal bliss.
addendum – Rabbi Moshe Genuth on Shabbos of Shabboses Yom Kippur – Hashem needs the Kohen Gadol to release Him from where He agrees to be “imprisoned” in this world!!!!
addendum from Miriam Yerushalmi
SPOTLIGHT ON TANYA
col 4, Chap 20 pages 372-379
Ever sometimes feel that you can’t keep up with another person. They seem so spiritual, so much more refined – so much more connected. So much more PERIOD. What you are about to learn can really help you better tolerate yourself. We learn in Tanya that some souls are randomly chosen (almost like a lottery) and by the “kiss” of Gd enter this world with a high pristine soul that they were gifted with. Now we can finally understand why such there are such differences between people -even between two siblings that are raised by same parents.
Here is an example to help better understand how different souls come into the world- Just like the gestation period of a baby in their mother’s stomach and environmental factors can affect the health of the new born child, so too, souls go through a “gestation” period as they descend the four worlds and enter this world .
NEVER EVER COMPARE YOURSELF TO ANOTHER AND FEEL BAD!
BUT……If you happen to catch yourself comparing yourself -get inspired by them and use the experiences as a motivational factor to help you reach new heights ONLY!!!!!!
You are trying to Reach New Heights and that is what counts!
We leaned earlier in this chapter of Tanya that there are external Kelim of the Sefirot which is what allows for created entities and varying forms of Yesh – including the body of angels.
“And His (Gd’s) angel He charges with the deficiency.” (Iyov 4:18). As we see in this phrase that there is an implication of the nearness of Angels to Gd, yet even these angels are deficient in that they are a Yesh and not Divinity.
Why? Because angels are not fully in a state of nullification because they are created in a manner of something (Yesh) from nothing (Ayin).
By contrast, the soul’s of angels and the soul’s of humans emerge by the more ethereal manner of union of the Sefirot (whence spiritual entities emanate such as the soul’s of angels) called is called Zivug Neshikin – “the union of kissing.” It’s as if the kiss protects these souls so as they descend through the world’s they are unaffected and stay at their pristine lofty level.
Another form of union of the higher worlds (I.e-6 middos with Aztilut that creates the soul’s of humans and souls) called Zivug Gufani – “a physical union” (relative to the other union). From this union derives the birth of souls that become enclothed in actual physical bodies.
Because there is restricted diffusion of the Kav (which like a pipeline) and thus lacks the Infinite degree of flow of the Ein Sof illumination -which in effect causes and makes possibly for the created entity of the Kelim of the Sefirot to exist in a mode of limitation.
This level of contraction (Tzimtzum) is more then a mere diminution or diminishment of the intensity of Divine illumination: it actually involves the removal of the light altogether.
What has been said above refers to souls of Atzilut as they still are in within Atzilut before they are vested in a body. While in that lofty world they share the characteristics of Divinity, and are not detached entities. Even after their descent into the lowly world, like the souls of the early righteous ones (Tzadikim) did not undergo a change: they did not become sundurred from Gdliness. Their essence did not change to become entities distinct from Divinity: They remain on the same level as they had been while still in the higher world of Atzilut. The angels and souls of that world are not, however actual Divinity, and as such are not able to create substantiality ex nihilo. (The ability to create ex nihilo is exclusive to Gd).
So since the Infinite Gd is the only one who creates then why do the Kelim exist? In essence the Kelim “enable” the Ein Sof (Gd) to create a finite existence (Yesh) -since Gd is Infinite, and the beings that result from it would also be limitless – if not for the Kelim. In order that this existence (Yesh), created by the infinite power of Gd, should have a limit and measure, the infinite Gd needs to be vested in the vessel because vessels are limited.
Again Side note:
Ever sometimes feel that you can’t keep up with another person. They seem so spiritual, so much more refined – so much more connected. So much more PERIOD. Learning the above can really help you better tolerate yourself. Now you know that some souls are randomly chosen (almost like a lottery) and by the “kiss” of Gd enter this word with the high pristine soul that they were gifted with. Now we can finally understand why such there are such differences between people -even between two siblings that are raised by same parents.
Try best to internalize these facts!
Remember the Instruction:
NEVER EVER COMPARE YOURSELF TO ANOTHER AND FEEL BAD!
BUT……If you happen to catch yourself comparing yourself -get inspired by them and use the experiences as a motivational factor to help you reach new heights ONLY!!!!!!
You are trying to Reach New Heights and that is what counts!
To Join MIRIAM YERUSHALMI My Reaching New Heights For Daily Tanya posts https://chat.whatsapp.com/FJ2N29SzrQK1R1ujolMahg
To Join HAYOM YOM daily posts https://chat.whatsapp.com/LpBSbSIPwXuCr9z4u4xKFX
Rabbi Asher Freund teaches that our soul is battered between lack and self-image concerns unless we recognize Hashem and nullify our feeling ourselves as separate. By nullifying our sense of self, we are able to be in that esoteric place of consciousness where we may serve Hashem as He intends. We have real free will. We have emunah. We have speech. And with these, we may run and return, such that there is a flow between heaven and earth, like Jacob’s ladder.
The seething waters are the way we feel when we are bouncing between what it feels we are lacking and what that will mean for us practically – how we will look, how that will feel, and all our interpretations regarding that.
But let’s open that up even more. For this is the tohu and vohu into which our consciousness is placed by Hashem in order to draw the holy sparks back to Him, so it is worthwhile to see how it all unfolds.
Our soul just wants to be with Hashem. That is total joy, to bask in the light and love that is ever-present.
Our soul comes to a world through parents, human parents. We must attach to them for life. And they give to us great love and benefit. However, they are human and not Hashem and therefore, the soul, although alive and fulfilling the mitzvah of honoring our parents, is not fully in the place it knows is the true joy – devekus with Hashem. As a result, there is much room for imagination to put up curtains that separate us even more from Hashem, as our soul bounces back and forth between lack and self-image trying to find the happiness in this world that the soul longs for.
Everyone has attachment issues because of this. Those who had good homes are still longing for attachment to Hashem in their souls although it may not be as urgently felt as those who had to attach within more complicated homes.
We are here to attach to Hashem in this world and thereby be attached to Him for all eternity based on that effort.
What does that mean, attach to Hashem? Hashem is not physical. How do we attach?
We cling to Him with our mind and our hearts and wrap our arms and legs around Him touching with every part of our being, like a little child wrapped around her father’s neck, her legs around His waist, her head on His shoulder. Hugging. Heart to heart. He is what our soul is longing for.
When we attach to receive love from our parents, there are obviously going to be gaps. We attach by following their rules and living according to their ways. There is no guarantee that this will be fulfilling for us. Rather we may even carry resentments because of the manner in which our obedience is elicited. However, when we sincerely attach to Hashem, and we do His Will, there is nothing but simcha. If there is no simcha, it only means that there is a part of our soul that is still trapped in an attachment to a thought or a pattern from our attaching to our homes first. It is for us to find that place, with full trust in Hashem, and to tell Him that we sincerely want that part of our soul to be attached to Him and doing His Will.
When we do Hashem’s will, with all our hearts, with all our souls, and with all our might, there is true simcha. That is emunah.
And Hashem gives us real free will. The deeper the pain, the more of our soul is available to be willed back to a place of connection where it may come into the world through His Will – learning Torah, praying and giving blessings, doing acts of chesed, and performing mitzvahs with awareness of being His keyboard for bringing Infinite Light into the world.
He opens His Hand and satisfies every living thing – He gives us His Will to do and this is what heals us from the seething waters. We literally are pulled out of the tohu and vohu and are part of Him.
Being willing to even see how Hashem has designed this world is the beginning of freedom from what grips us. The beginning of wisdom is awe of Hashem. He is sustaining us and filling us just to give us consciousness with which to recognize Him and serve as a medium for His Light to come into the world. Our resistance is merely our soul trapped in the seething waters due to attachment early in life to beliefs that were necessary in order to develop. Our salvation is our emunah and the use of the real free will He gives us to now wrap ourselves around the truth, His Love, and do His Will, knowing that being with Him is the healing and the way we develop our consciousness so as for our existence to become a complete and pure emanation of Him.
We all hope for redemption. No worries, no sickness, no war…everyone will see Hashem’s compassion everywhere.
Do we really believe that we could be happy there? What is going to happen to our current pursuits and comfortable mode of being regarding our egos and our source of happiness?
What is going to help us be truly happy there is letting go of our cynicism and doubts and ego pursuits now while we have real free will. The time to assure that we will truly enjoy the time to come is NOW when we can choose the outlook of true reality by overcoming our nature.
Why stay in an illusion that is going to go away?
Shift our thinking and bring the new day!!
If you doubt it, what do you have to gain?
The opportunity to powerfully trade in pain?
Is that the pursuit for which we are brought from on high?
I believe I heard from more than one place that if Hashem throws us into a dark deep pit He does so only because He has designed our specific soul with the strength and ability to rise back to Him.
Practically speaking, this means that if we as children went through difficult times, meaning that our home of origin was complicated regarding getting normal attachment and other needs met healthfully, it is because He has given our soul plenty of built in compassion so that when we are adults we are able to bring a great flow of light from that darkness back to Him.
The thing is, it can sometimes be so very painful that we don’t realize what it is for, nor do we have the emunah or education to know how to heal.
Even so, the suffering of such a person is meaningful, for Hashem has made a foolproof system for bringing the Shechina in exile in that person’s subconscious back to Him. We may do it through emunah, ratzon, davening and clinging to Him, or we may do it through suffering.
What does the pro-active approach look like, one may ask? It also sounds like suffering, to face our challenges, to have to steel ourselves to the natural draw towards the painful memory in favor of turning towards mitzvahs, praying learning torah and chesed.
And it is, indeed, a kind of suffering. Either way, there is mesiras nefesh. So what is the difference? Why not just leave it up to Hashem to take what He wants from us and then bring us up to the level He creates our potential to be?
Rabbi Asher Freund tells us what Rosh Hashana is really about. He says that after we leave this world, we want to go to the light, to Hashem. But all of the challenging physical pulls that we bond with come to us and tell us that we created them and we have to go with them. And we go with them, those familiar, icky dark spidery tentacles recapture our pure soul instead of us proceeding to the light. When we make an effort while alive to walk past those pulls, then we are able to walk towards the light after 120 years and not go with them.
What does that effort look like? What does it mean to face our challenges? The best news is that it means seeing the true reality that in facing the challenge we are on a quick path to simcha and love and healing. However, we only know that experientially after the first time the chaos turns into calm and simcha. Before that, it just feels alive, terrifying, overwhelming and unapproachable.
What if there is just one thought that is really animating that whole challenge that is keeping us in the dark? What if we could find that one thought and tell Hashem that we want only the life force within it and not the message because we want to express that life force according to His Will and not express the pain? Would we have the emunah to hold steady and keep breathing through, like labor pains, the waves and nested loopings of lack and what that means until we realize we are indeed facing our Creator Who is here with us in this very thought? Can we realize that He is awaiting OUR recognition and compassion so that He may draw that concealed light back to Him and heal us?
The consciousness that we need is that our identity is neither our body that He gives us nor our soul that He gives us – we are what we choose with that consciousness that a soul in a body produces. We have an esoteric reality that is eternal and a body that is temporary. Our effort in this world to express Hashem’s compassion and do His Will IS how we form our uniqueness for ourselves.
So there is mesiras nefesh and there is mesiras nefesh by effortful choice.
What happens when we find a diamond mine of light? It means that we find that memory and the thought that formed at that time. For example, let’s say we consistently push back. While we may follow the rules, inside of us, we are somehow pushing back, trying to take something for our “identity”, something to gratify ourselves or resist being hurt. Perhaps that stems from having been raised with too much strictness, or even shame. Likewise, let’s say we did not receive enough positive feedback or shaping. Perhaps as we grow up we find ourselves drawn to anyone who is kind to us, which makes us vulnerable to being duped and taken advantage of. If these or other possibilities come to mind, what happens? We can relive over and over these types of feelings as they are projected and played out in many different settings, and feeling beaten and defeated. Or we can tell Hashem in hisbodedus that we recognize that we are having an encounter with Hashem and that we do not want to draw Hashem’s life force into this darkness anymore.
It takes experiential understanding that what feels chaotic and alive within us can become calm and joyous when we face it directly with a plan. The plan is the topic of many articles on this blog – strengthen emunah, shower what feels alive in the message with compassion and tell Hashem we want that life force to come into the world through a deed that is His Will, such as learning Torah, giving a blessing or saying a prayer, a chesed, or a mitzvah. We are not stopped from doing good in the world when we feel as we do, and when we realize it is up to us to choose to place the life force into a new expression – an expression of His Will – then the former painful expression falls to the side and dissolves. Then that place in our mind that previously was a trigger point becomes a place where we are able to hear loving encouraging and inspiring thoughts that fill us with simcha to carry out.
That place in our brain where our unmet needs have echoed for so many years can become a place where our love and awe for Hashem are felt the most, and we are truly free and whole.
What do we have to lose? Only the false belief that we are victims, trapped forever in a brain that is damaged. Hashem is doing everything but He waits for us to initiate – recognize Him in the center, realize we are empowered to be a channel, shower compassion upon the Shechina in exile and tell Him we intend to bring it into the world through a mitzvah or put it into a blessing. Keep repeating until we are blessed to find that root where all the thoughts stem from. When Hashem chooses to release the bond between the life force He gives us and that painful place, we will have a deja vu of the originating event. Thank Hashem for releasing it and then run to do a mitzvah and bring that part of our soul into our hearts with simcha.
I am beginning to experience the inception of anxiety as my limbic system’s recognition of something dangerous that I no longer remember where my life force became bonded. There is a saying that what fires together wires together – and that is exactly what happens. Our life force, seeking connection with love and value, somehow connects with fallen material representations of love and value. This is by design, where the design is that Hashem is hidden.
Our anxieties that feel like they have a life of their own, DO have a life – our life force – bonded with a message that attracts our soul because it seems to offer some pleasure. However, that pleasure is a counterfeit of the pleasure our life force is truly seeking. And what is the pleasure that our life force is truly seeking?
There is a part of our soul that is above our physicality, above confusion of will. There is a simple clinging to Hashem’s compassion which the soul is right now deriving tremendous pleasure, uncomplicated, true, simple pleasure. Our entire soul knows about this place; however, because we are in a body that is drawn to the natural, there is much confusion regarding what is pleasurable. All we need for evil to happen is for good to remain silent and hidden!!! And evil is anything that conceals Hashem’s love for us from shining through.
Thus, there is a magnetic attraction to the counterfeit pleasures that nature offers to which we innocently bond at a young age because we are not developed enough to comprehend this place above physicality where we are in devekus with Hashem and where we know He is One.
And these wire together in the heat of the moment with whatever is presenting itself, in our search for love and value. Our imagination then builds a story about it. And all of that may lie in our subconscious operating within our neurons until something triggers that memory and then it feels alive. To us, it feels like anxiety or panic perhaps. But in reality it is a huge amount of light that is in a message that cannot hold it – the light wants to come into this world to do Hashem’s will but it is stuck animating a message we don’t even understand.
As we come to identify our messages, and we see that they feel alive, we even realize we are stuck there. Recognition is not enough to release our soul from its bond with that message!!! Something more is needed. That light animating the message must be brought from that bond and given a new garment, one that fulfills the pleasure it is seeking, a way to bring Hashem’s compassion into the world through learning Torah, avoda, chesed or a mitzvah.
How do we dissolve the bond with the natural message? Firstly we have to see that we really do not want it, that it is NOT our will. We have to want to go above our natural will to our more educated will and vision for living Hashem’s will – of revealing His Compassion. And we speak it out in hisbodedus, and we ask Hashem to please move it.
There is one more huge ingredient. And that is compassion upon the shechina in exile, the portion of our soul trapped in the message. Hashem I do not want to draw Your light into this dark and false message and anxiety. I only want the beautiful life force that You give me to reflect Your compassion into the world. Please give me a circumstance or a thought or an idea to cling to You that leads me to be able to walk forward into a mitzvah despite this anxiety and have the life force shift from the anxiety to the mitzvah.
It is with Torah learning that we build emunah and bitachon in the truth of our being designed to do this. Hashem has designed our soul and given us the Torah so that we truly may be one with HIm at all times, following the Torah and comprehending that we are indeed consciousness here to be a medium to bring the sparks from the bond with the anxiety back into this world as revealed compassion. When we comprehend, when we have integrated understanding of the Torah that teaches this, we have strong emunah to cling to Him while we undergo the throws of the natural reaction, knowing that facing it will produce a calm and a connection far better than the love or value the life force clinging to the natural message’s promises could ever bring.
And thus I recommend the yellow brick road, to learn how to identify our false messages and then to shower the trapped life force therein with compassion with the intention of infusing that very life force into an expression of Hashem’s will – learning Torah, praying or blessing others, chesed, or mitzvahs.
We literally are showering compassion upon our life force that is animating a thought in order to break open that vessel of a thought and bring forward our life force to an expression Torah tells us is true pleasure – serving Hashem with joy.
This is a process – at first, we may not even see the actual message that our life force is bonded with. Instead we may just experience anxiety or panic or fear or sadness or a lust or a desire that seems insatiable and is causing us anger. Once we recognize that our life force is animating this, we can simply turn it back to Hashem’s Will, with love in our hearts for Him.
And where does that love for Him come from? It takes emunah to know that it is already installed in our soul by Hashem Who makes us in His Image, whether or not we are experiencing that love. Emunah in Hashem includes emunah in the soul He designs to draw the life force back to Him when we shower it with compassion and desire to NOT keep it bonded with the message. We have to really mean it though. And then the chaos dissolves in favor of calmness and simcha, but for entirely different reasons than the presenting natural messages.
In hisbodedus, we speak out loud to Hashem and describe all that we feel and how we experience it. But then, we go to this place of consciousness that we are having an experience with Hashem our Creator. Recognize Him. and that He and no other is giving us an opportunity to direct Infinite light into the world with our name on it!! Embrace the challenge. Hold steady over the fiery coals. He will help us.
Consider deeply what I have shared here….our anxieties are our own soul that is screaming for expression in this world as compassion rather than being bonded to a message that we don’t recognize consciously that is kinesthetically affecting every cell in our body.
The yellow brick road is emunah, ratzon and hisbodidus, personal prayer, recognizing that He is One and that the only being that is alive Who gives us a soul is clamoring to be revealed in this world rather than knock us down in our subconscious imaginationary messages that developed naturally.
May we realize that we have access to bring into the world a light that has never seen “the light of day” but only been living in a dark message within our natural mind. May we realize that by uplifting our soul, the very part of our mind that is natural becomes ready to do Hashem’s will knowing experientially that it is simcha to do so. May the light that we are able to redirect through our actions bring with it a redemption and a salvation for everyone in the world.