A comprehensive website about emunah and core Torah concepts, with analysis and explanation of the writer’s personal growth experiences in Avodas Hashem and understanding of our relationship with HaKadosh Baruch Hu.
There is only One yet it feels like two. Please help me unify with You.
One of the greatest things we can do is be mesiras nefesh for Hashem…to be self-sacrificing. When we have such an opportunity, it creates an empty space into which something from Hashem that is new for our soul is able to come into that space. Each person obligatedto 613 commandments is capable of making the sacrifice that having a bias presents in order to bring in the infinite light enclothed in the challenge. In recognizing our potential to do this, we are one.
The more we are interested in choosing mitzvahs and Torah over feeling ourselves, the less we identify with feeling our own interests as our survival and our primary mission. The more we choose Hashem’s Will over ours, the more we realize how feeling ourselves is a strong and compelling block to His Light coming into the world.
When we have the value that His Will is ours, and that our will is mesiras nefesh, a sacrifice, so that we may serve as a channel to bring something Infinite into the world, we have a frame of reference for every moment.
Whatever emotion or reaction we are having is reframed as Infinite Light that we can re-package into a Torah learning, a chesed, a mitzvah or a prayer. Imagine that. Simply by having an expanded vision of what life is for, we have a way to field the concealed light that presents in every moment. Shall we take that Infinite light and attempt to have it serve our limited constricted vision for our biases or shall we realize He is doing everything and that even though we have no idea what will happen, the very best thing we can do is Torah, prayer, mitzvahs and chesed.
Yearning for Hashem to be in this world helps lift us from the place of our self-focus with more and more trust . The more we experience and choose with yearning for Hashem away from our thinking and our biases, the more our identity forms as a channel for His Light. And, the less our pains and reactions compel us towards damaging responses, for we grow to see these as the necessary garments to present to us the Infinite Light that has no other way to come into the world without nullifying the world
Yes, we are complex spiritual beings with a body that can bring new Infinite Light from the world of formation into this world through mesiras nefesh, with love for Hashem and true yearning to serve Him. We can untie the knot of our interpretations about the enclothed infinite LIght through confession, love for Him, awe and will.
And may every effort be a merit, a blessing, a refuah shelama, a cancellation of gezeira, and a satisfaction of din for the soul as it exists in ourselves, our families, klal Yisrael and mankind.
So much of the time, when we do hisbodidus and pray for insights and to be able to come closer to Hashem, we have that nagging real concern of how am I going to remember this in that moment when it is actually happening? What can I do so that I can really change in the moment too?
There are many steps and much cheshbon hanefesh that must take place to really come to see our patterns, thoughts and emotions behind our actions. And even with this consciousness, taking that step in the moment feels distant.
The spiritual science of it may also help before I share what may be a way to manage in that moment. Did you know that the brain does not think? The neshama thinks. The brain stores the memories of the hashgacha pratis events – traumas, losses, corrective lessons and more – but it is data, not thinking. What happens when we receive outside stimulation is that the Infinite Light associated with those occurrences awakens that data within the brain and our neshama includes them in trying to think it through, confused about where the thoughts and emotions are coming from – is this what she said or is this a projection? Is this how I look or is this an insecurity? We don’t even ask….we just react in many cases and then we have to clean it up later. Much damage happens in this way. The Infinite Light that is stored in the hashgacha pratis of the memory can go towards damaging or towards holiness depending on what we choose to think in the moment. Are we oriented towards feeling ourselves or are we oriented towards feeling Hashem’s Will that we turn to Torah learning, avoda, chesed, or mitzvahs?
This is the opportunity to form our eternal identity as a being that remembers Hashem while He is concealed. But how? In retrospect, we see it. And even when we are in a moment of teshuva or hisbodidus we may see it. But how in the moment can we stop our reaction and regulate our emotion so as to turn to do good?
Here are three examples from today:
If need be write a note down for cheshbon hanefesh for a quiet time. The more we understand what is going on within us, the quicker we may comprehend how the Infinite Light that comes through nature, Elokim, concealed is really knocking on our door to be brought into this world in a form that is Hashem’s Will, Torah, avoda, chesed, mitzvahs.
Emunah that Hashem is doing everything is step one.
Now comes love Hashem.
So many people ask how to feel love for Hashem when that can often feel quite remote in the moment, even feeling like the opposite, chas v’shalom, blaming Him.
Here is where our emunah comes into play! When we immediately realize that we are helpless and not in control, that He is giving us life force in this very moment, that He is our life, we submit with realization that our submission IS the beginning of opening to our true purpose of bringing Infinite Light into the world so that the world receive His Compassion and not be nullified by the Light. Our submission, then, is the fertile soil for the heavens to then rain down the blessings.
Loving our own life force is helpful and taking that to see that He is doing it gives us inspiration to be a master of our love and love Him from this place of helplessness and no control, rejecting all of the whisperings that tell us that we are in control and have to do this, whisperings that conceal from us that Hashem is doing everything. This is not to say that action is not needed. The point is submission out of emunah and with love for Hashem and a desire to bring the Infinite Light of what is happening naturally from a concealed place into a revealed mitzvah, chesed, prayer, or learning of Torah.
Malchus and Hashem’s Name Adni are associated. Master. Nothingness.
Adom before he ate had total consciousness of Hashem and did not ascribe to himself any independent will. It is only because of the eitz hadaas that this confusion began.
Please listen to these translations from Rabbi Asher Freund biography.
By being the master of our love for Hashem, and with emunah, we uplift the Infinite Light to Hashem and bring it into the world in Torah, avoda, chesed or a mitzvah. We give it expression for Hashem’s Will. When we recognize and serve Hashem, we are choosing to see ourselves from the spiritual atmosphere within that is a part of Him and our life force and to use it for Him. And He Who is doing everything comes into this world through our deeds.
We really can bring something light into this world..the soul of a person obligated to 613 commandments is designed to do this.
By becoming more familiar with the subconscious and facing the deceptions built in, we begin to apply free will towards bringing in Infinite light.
What keeps us from it are our defense mechanisms that are messages in our brain from nature..they are for us to see that they do not belong to us..love those words..but to natural development yet thereby contain Infinite Light that we are being given the opportunity to channel.
By recognizing Elokim and realizing that spiritual environment we are in, helpless, no control, yet thru love and emunah, we can move forward with free will to bring good into the world, for that is His Will and an expression for which He designs us and instructs us to do through the giving of the Torah.
Ahavas Yisrael – we are sad for the King in His Exile but happy He is with us. Keter is air,wisdom is water and understanding is fire. These relate to guilt, and the foundation, connection, in either a positive or negative way with the covenant.
There is a guilt sacrifice that we bring. A sin sacrifice is that we know we sinned. A guilt is if we are not sure if we sinned. So we bring a guilt offering. What is unique about it is that it emphasizes the severity of unknowing guilt more than known sin. A guilt sacrifice costs 48 times more than a sin sacrifice. In order to do teshuva for an uncertain event, it has to be much deeper because it is more severe. The unconscious is 48 times more difficult to rectify than the conscious.
If we at least know maybe it was the wrong thing, we bring the guilt sacrifice.
It has to be a pure, unblemished ram of two years.
A ram was in place of Yitzchok.
Ahavat Yisrael – there are nine letters in Hebrew. In there is ayil, the ram. If we make the nine letters into a square we get a billy goat. Bereshis can be read to say Hashem created a billy goat. The remaining letters read backwards are arbeh, locusts, the eighth of the ten plagues. At the end of the akeida, it says I will increase your seed. and it is 8 times Hashem’s Name…To love Yisrael we need bitul. Moshiach is called the window of heavens are opening and light is shining into our world. Grasshoppers are pure locusts and equal 13. that equals love.
Every morning and night, we pray Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad. Baruch Shem Kavod Leolam Voed. Hear Oh Israel, the Lord Hashem the Lord is One. Blessed be His Holy Name forever and ever.
What are some principles to keep with us throughout the day, to make central in our consciousness?
He is doing everything.
He is Blessing and Holiness forever
And you shall love Him with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might.
Now we go into our day. How do we keep conscious of the above when in motion? Is this question probably the question people seek an answer for generation after generation? The Torah tells us but it is not enough to read about it like someone tells us something important to remember.
Something else must happen too.
That something else is a faith that each of us can sacrifice something in order to bring down from Hashem the blessing that He desires to send through us into the world. We acquire that faith from dialogue with Him, in hisbodidus, discerning the difference between feeling our biases and being in devekus.
When Hashem creates the world, He constricts Himself and then brings in one ray of light from which everything emanates.
When we confess our limitations and mistakes, we are saying that there is more to us, that we believe that we have a nefesh elokis and that there is a merciful Hashem.
Have you ever been in a meeting with one or more people who are addicted to being right and who seek to tear others to shreds with their analytical judgments and placement of blame? And what does the individual have to respond with when the need to be right is so pleasurable to the people that anything said will give more ideas on how to shred the individual?
We have enough experience with this, right? We know what this feels like – pain, shame, blame, anger, fear. Are we ready to do something else with the light that is filling these self-focused messages? Our ability to grow stems from remembering that Hashem is doing everything, that He is One and that includes US, and that He is blessing and holiness.
So what does Hashem want when He sets in motion circumstances that stimulate our nervous system to bring up ego messages that our soul is then tempted to think and to emote? What axiom do we have to cling to in that moment?
Hashem is doing everything and He loves us and I am part of His Compasions, for He alone creates my body and soul. I have an opportunity to create a positive influence and that is doing His Will.
Where is my unique identity ? He gives us the power of real free will. He gives us the ability to speak. He gives us the ability to give and receive love and pleasure. And from Avraham and Yitzchok Aveinu, He gives us an inheritance of emunah formed from their mesiras nefesh at the akeida.
Torah teaches us that when we have faith in what the Torah tells us – that we can become holy, meaning go above nature, that it creates a positive influence Hashem may then choose to use in His Divine Providence over the world. In other words, when we have faith that He Creates our nefesh elokis to do a repair in the world, and we comprehend He alone is doing it when we submit our will to His, we undergo a mesiras nefesh and that emits Infinite Light that actually enters our hearts, fills our speech and deeds, and arrives in this world in a way that reveals His Light and Will.
When converts go to the mikvah to convert, this is its impact on their soul – to be a soul that can, through mesiras nefesh reveal Infinite Light.
Now back to our day and our dreadful experience in that meeting. Our natural thinking simply cannot hold all of the Infinite Light and our choices are to ask ourselves into what vessel do we choose for the light to fill? Do we want to fill something that validates ourselves or do we want to fill a blessing, a kindness, a tehillim, or a mitzvah that validates Hashem’s Will ? How do we find the patience to not react outwardly but even more so, inwardly, in a way that might be damaging?
And you shall love Him with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might. Hashem’s love for us can never be broken. even as He batters our emotional system between lack and hurt, despair and ego, He is right there, waiting for us to look up and find Him. That relationship to Him followed by doing a mitzvah blends us into His Holiness because we are going above our naturali will, trusting in what Avraham knew – that he had a son when he and Sarah were naturally too old to have children.
Hashem is doing everything.
When we trust not only in what Hashem does by bringing about all of creation but also that we trust He is running the functioning of our nefesh elokis, we have confidence in those moments of despair and pain to recognize Him, to love Him with all our heart and soul, and to bring all of the light into the world through learning, kindness and mitzvas.
Remember and love Hashem, will to go above our nature using all of our heart and all of our soul and all of our might to move forward with His Will. He is doing everything but we can be the agent that brings goodness and real change into the world through our daily acts of mesiras nefesh that use the light released for kiddush Hashem.
Living in such a way gives us the ability to live as a soul in a spiritual atmosphere that then infuses thoughts, words and deeds with the light of Torah, a light otherwise hidden within and animating the negative drives and instincts we naturally have.. we all do. We are born this way. Hashem creates it so.
It is for us to comprehend what He wants us to do when we have challenges – shall we survive with faith that He is doing everything?
Or can we go further and break the taiva/gaiva kelipa – that despair/ self-image battering?
How much emunah do we have to notice that the power there is Elokim – Infinite Light that has to be concealed = awaiting our recognition of Him so that the infinite light may flow into our hearts and into our world through our speech and deeds?
And are we prepared with love in our hearts for Hashem to use real free will to garner all the strength within and channel it for His Will – not by forcing ourselves but rather through empowerment to implement expanded awareness of His Love? Breaking our natural bond with bias may at first feel like we are being dragged over fiery coals, but with emunaha and bitachon, the light that flows in is with us more and more and we soon see that the body is able to be attached to the nefesh elokis rather than the animal soul for its identity. And in so doing, the body becomes more and more holy.
We live in a world of intentions. The deeper we are aware of His Presence and the more intent we have that His Compassion be revealed, the more inner light is available to infuse into speech and deeds. And may the influences that flow through to the world soon bring a new light.
How many of us are experiencing harshness, bitterness, oppression, blame, shame, poverty, and many other affronts to utopian living?
Where is that force coming from ?
Hashem destroyed His Home and went into exile awaiting us to develop the ability to find Him in this world. The Temple when it stood did not help us find Him…and therefore it was not good for us to have it, because it somehow strengthened our awareness of our self-concern rather than living more and more with awareness of Hashem’s love and omnipotence.
Prophecy ended when the High Priests davened that the taiva for avoda zara be taken out of the world. Avoda zara and prophecy were two sides of the same flow of force. If used with self-interest, it was avoda zara. If a person used it in true devekus, it brought on prophecies.
The template holds true for us in our daily service of Hashem. If we are focusing on our will to implement what is pleasurable according to our natural inclinations, as pleasurable and healthy as they may seem, there is something important that is missing. It is imperative that we bring gratitude into the picture, remembering that the Source is Hashem alone, not our own hand. Likewise, when we experience suffering, it is not blame or shame or oppressors but Hashem’s judgment upon us to balance a spiritual account. Our ability to recognize His Hand can often help us from deviating too far before making a correction and doing teshuva.
The key to remember is that it is up to us to bring mercy into the formula – compassion on the Shechina in exile aligns us with His Compassionate attribute and sweetens the flow of judgments within us and around us.
The more we are able to comprehend that Elokim is concealed in absolutely everything, and the more our will to bring emunah, love for Hashem, and compassion on the Shechina in exile into our mind and heart and use real free will to return to Him the forces within every pattern, thought, and emotion that is pulling us towards our natural biases, the more aware of Hashem’s compassion we will experience and have a drive to bring into this world. We soon become able to see the look and feel of what is going on inside for where it is coming from – from our natural biased will under the dominion of the Soton who deceives us with its visions of pleasure or from devekus and insights from Torah and chochma.
May we understand what it means to delight in Hashem, and may Hashem delight in us, and may we be forgiven for disappointing Him for all these years and may our effort to bring Him into our hearts make it possible for us to have the third temple and be a home, a nation, a people and a world for Hashem. May we focus our concentration to recognize Hashem and, in so focusing, show Hashem that we want Him in our hearts so much, we want more and more awareness because we will to do His Will. And may what we re-examine in the light of expanded chochma help us release the Shechina in exile in the broken vessel of our limited constricted natural vessel. And may that Infinite Light be a blessing, a merit, a refuah shelama, a cancellation of gezeiras, and a satisfaction of judgment for ourselves, our families, for klal Yisrael and mankind and may we soon see the restoration of His Revealed Compassion in the world.