Category Archives: GdConsciousness

There is only One yet it feels like two. Please help me unify with You.

Appreciation for this week’s Parsha from TLOE Rabbi Azoulai Parshas Tzav

When something is esoteric, it is not easy to transfer the idea to someone else.

 I remember being little and frustrated and told that the answer lies within me.

 That made me absolutely furious. Since I had not a clue where to find the answer, I felt abandoned and valueless.  That was stressful.  And when we experience stress, we form associations in our mind that are stored, forming false beliefs, coping mechanisms, and thoughts that are untrue which generate emotions that lead us to error.

Now perhaps the person who told me that the answer lies within me really did know how to find what to do.  However, they had no idea how to explain it.

 I imagine that this must have been the case, or else that is what they were told by their parent, and they didn’t understand it either and assumed the same wrong messages but were hopeful that one day they would find the answers within.

 In this week’s Parsha Sheet from Rabbi Azoulai, the matter is explained.

To anyone who believes in the power Hashem invests in our soul to do the work of serving Hashem, reading this parsha sheet will bring tears of joy to your eyes, as it did mine.

 We CAN change the way we look at experiential reality.

 We CAN become soulful beings who realize we are manifestations of Hashem’s Divine Creative Energy here to acknowledge, thank, beseech, and direct force from the natural to the side of kadosh.

 TLOE-2018-0324-Tzav-5778We CAN open our mouths in prayer and confess our alternative choices and our commitment to choosing to serve Hashem, and may that prayerful choice bring a new light to the world as a blessing for all klal Yisrael and the world.

Here is the link to Rabbi Azoulai for Parshas Tzav, the Shabbos of Shabboses, Shabbos HaGadol.


Everything and everyone is a manifestation of Hashem’s Divine creative energy – He is the Place of the world

We are a manifestation of Hashem’s Divine creative energy .


Our life force appears to come from natural means ONLY to conceal Hashem that we should want to see the King more than anything else .  Any thought that is taking us to a place where we do not feel or experience Divine presence is a manifestation of Hashem’s Divine creative energy concealing that energy. 


Our responsibility is to pierce through the concealment and strip the covering presentation away for the sole purpose that the creative energy flow through our love for Hashem to a way to be revealed.  That effort builds our eternal identity as one who remembers Hashem and loves Him.  This is how we earn eternal bliss. 


The awareness that we are in a world where He is concealed is the consciousness with which we pierce, pull back and then gain access to the force.  Our will is to see the King, and thus we pray that He help us reharness the force within to reveal Him…we are given the right to dedicate it.  Just like when we give a donation we can dedicate it for a refuah shelama or for leui nishmas, so too, when we utilize our awareness and free will choices to hold still the concealing images in order to bring the force within it to the side of kedusha, we are given through prayer a way to beseech Hashem with personal requests…for children, for shidduchim, for parnassa, for sholom bayis.  Hashem let’s us “hold the hose” of His Divine creative energy when we remember Him with love


The potency in the forces that conceal Hashem come from a very high place. They fall deep into physicality and therefore when redeemed, they reach very high. 


We all have stress and stress reactions.  As long as we are alive, our biology is to experience a moment of survival instincts and stress.  Awareness is so that we can utilize emunah that Hashem is present at all times, all loving, and that all is for the good.  With that in hand, we can catch by the tail the filthy coverings luring us to despair – false beliefs, coping mechanisms, ingrained examples of abuse that have deeply infiltrated our speech by the examples of others – realize these are coverings concealing precious diamonds of Divine energy, cry out because we love Hashem and really sincerely want even more than the matter at hand to see the King and not what conceals Him – in our hearts, in our marriages, in our homes, in our communities, in the world.  By bringing Hashem’s reality back into the picture, we are prepared to consider doing something that will be a merit for all of Klal Yisrael.


We are scrubbing our ovens, our sinks, our refrigerators, searching for chometz, for areas that have become puffed up like the ego can be.  Let us scrub our thinking and false beliefs as well and redeem the Shechina from whirlpooling and serving false beliefs.  Instead of following our natural instincts and thinking, let us bring love for Hashem to close the switch, to bring the valuable Divine creative energy, the forces that are in the concealing presentation, back to the side of kedusha.  And ask in prayer for how we wish to “dedicate” those forces for the true good.


May we understand our natural construct well and may we have the emunah to use the consciousness and free will Hashem gives us to complete the revealing of His Divine Creative energy with an infusion of love for Hashem. And may we see a new light as a blessing to the world.

Speech and spiritual consciousness of the Divine – the need for Torah and understanding of Hashem’s Mercy

What differentiates man from animals is the creative power of speech.  Speech that we are referring to is not just communication, as one might see it in animals.  Speech for people is actually formative.  Why?


The forces that comprise our life force are the very forces that Hashem uses to create the world as well.  You know how our inner world can be very compelling?  Where is that “power” coming from?


What is being experienced is a force of Hashem’s lovingkindness that has been disconnected from Him and instead is echoing in the chamber of an empty concoction called “me,”  a projection created by the ego so that we have a starter sense of what a self is.  We are given this starter kit ego as we develop, hopefully healthfully, from birth until we are old enough to have learned enough Torah to understand that the real purpose of our lives is to convert our life force from temporary to eternal – that we may have the opportunity to earn the joy of perceiving Hashem and being close to Him for all eternity because we use free will NOW to re-invest our ego-wants to His Will – Torah and emulating His Mercy.


When we do an act of kindness, Hashem’s force of chesed – the same as He uses to make the world – becomes more unified.  When we overcome the ego-oriented want list and do for Hashem, we release back to His Oneness a bit of the life force He invests in us, in our starter kit identity, and from that we gain real identity for all eternity.


Spiritual consciousness of the Divine while we speak brings the forces within us that we are overcoming back to the side of truth and holiness. We literally redeem them from the natural inclinations.  Moshe Rebbeinu was to speak to the rock.  Seeing his words open the rock was to have been an important message to the Jewish people about the creative power of speech.  That did not happen though, but we must understand the lesson and the important creative power of speech in shifting spiritual matter by our free will and requests to Hashem, Who is the One Who brings the matter to happen.


Each time we do teshuva sincerely or stop and redirect ourselves from doing something disconnecting, we are “making a bracha” on the yetzer hara, extracting the Shechina Hashem invests in nature from being hidden and bringing it forth to shine into the world.


The more resistance we have to doing this, the more spiritual force we are capable of bringing from slavery to freedom, from constriction to holiness.


What makes the resistance?  It is the animal instinct of survival that is telling us, with advice from the life coach yetzer hara, how best to “take care of ourselves.”  Coping mechanisms, judgments, educated opinions aside, we MUST comprehend the category of “natural” that this line of thinking stems from and realize the opportunity.


The opportunity is, with emunah, to know our survival depends on Hashem alone, Who is orchestrating the circumstances as well as the thoughts we are having in order to give us the opportunity to redeem the Shechina and create a true identity for all eternity.


In order to do this, our animal instincts need to have enough Torah learning and enough experience with hisbodidus and perceiving Hashem’s hand in history and in our lives to entertain submitting to Hashem’s Will as a greater pleasure than its will.


When we realize that Hashem is before us at every moment, we have something to answer our willfulness.  That answer is “It is my will to see the King.”  When the lower soul trusts that there is real pleasure and survival for it in that statement, then it is willing to pause its agenda and, with sweat, we can form new neuropathways in our mind around our false beliefs, coping mechanisms, natural anxieties and more.


Being connected to the King becomes an obviously preferable choice to pursuing our own agenda.  Why?


It is far better to be attached to something lasting that is valuable than to have a fleeting moment of some kickback of pleasure, like being right, or besting someone else.  These pleasures fade.  Being connected to Hashem makes Hashem’s presence in our lives, in our hearts, more constant and that is inner peace and a sense of being balanced, centered, and on track to use free will for our true best interests.


We can love each other when we understand this struggle in ourselves.  When we accept the design of mankind, to want, to feel frustrated and have that frustration trigger survival instincts that lead us astray, we have a chance to also zoom out to see that we are souls.  Seeing that we are souls with a creative power of speech and Torah, we can summon spiritual consciousness of the Divine – emunah – and follow His Will – Torah – to release from the natural the Shechina that is hidden in every circumstance and challenge.


What a relief!  We no longer are on our own to fix what is happening!  We can create spiritual beings with prayer and Hashem’s help to soften and correct what has triggered us!


If we are being called upon to lift a load, we would do it.  So too with our emotional responses of jealousy, desire and negative honor when we feel these disconnecting emotions.  What has happened is that there are forces contained within these emotions that are coming to be healed, to be brought back to connection to Hashem.  We simply open our mouths, cry out (speech) describing the matter in detail, and tell Hashem that it is our will to reveal Him, that what we want is not these emotions, but to see the King, in our hearts, in our homes, in the world.  We ask that our teshuva be a merit for Klal Yisrael.


We can efface and dilate our animalistic nature and give spiritual redemption to our life force!  Our animalistic nature goes along willingly after it experiences the inner peace and pleasure of doing so.


May we soon see a new light in the world as a blessing for all!

TRIGGERED!!! Seeing the spiritual opportunity instead of the despair

Let’s take a zoomed in view of what happens when we get triggered – you know the feeling, all of a sudden we are not where we are, our thoughts have transported us to a place of emotional fear or anger and our imagination is racing, scanning all we know in search of where the cause of trigger came from, making judgments, and, of course, listening to the whispering counsel of our life coach yetzer hara who has a list of “deserving” things we are “entitled” to do in response because after all….


Our hearts pound, we feel stressed, we feel like wind is blowing through bullet holes in our sense of security.  Have you ever felt that way?  How long can that last – a day, three days, a week, more?  What keeps us in such a heightened state of stress?


Because we cannot see from Hashem’s perspective, as mortal limited beings we use the best of our acquired intellect to puzzle through our circumstance in an effort to resolve a solution.


Inevitably, because of the chain of events has been Divinely orchestrated, we most likely have either a false belief or are missing key information that is complicating our ability to return to inner peace.


Notice this deeply.  This type of reaction, in all the unique ways each of us might experience these triggers, becomes the point where we have real opportunity.


If we train ourselves to recognize what it feels like to “be at the plate” of spiritual opportunity, we can then take a moment and breathe, a moment of relationship with Hashem, and moment where we cry out and describe and then declare our wish to bring all that is within us to the side of kedusha.


Our complications are obstructions, forces within us that have been drawn to an incomplete understanding, holding us back from remembering that we just want to see the King, to have our heart be a mishkan where He can dwell, where we have trust that everything is for the good and that our task in the moment is not to resolve the apparent circumstances but rather the process of reharnessing the forces, infusing them with love for Hashem and a yearning to devote all our inner forces only for kedusha and revealing Hashem.


May we become skilled at seeing the fingerprint of the life coach yetzer hara, who is devoted with evil intent to destroy us but who wants us to pass the test.  This is how we “make a bracha” on negativity.


And may our love for Hashem and our devotion to relationship bring a new light to the world as a blessing for all of klal Yisrael and the world.



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What obstructs our holy essence from being revealed


Let’s focus for a moment on what obstructs our holy essence, that which is made in the image of Hashem’s 13 attributes of mercy, from being what our awareness naturally yearns to reveal.


The obstruction is our self-conscious natural thinking itself.  It can be some part or even, heaven forbid, everything that our learning and experiential development has imprinted on our mind. Our self-conscious natural thinking is like a magnet for our awareness.  Our awareness is drawn by this self-conscious natural magnet to the degree of its strength, and our holy essence gets drawn along and trapped in that negativity.  What determines the strength of our self-conscious natural thinking?


Strength is a function of repetitions.


Thus if we have had longstanding trauma or abuse or neglect, the chances are that the strength of those experiences, because the time period of the experience has led to more and more repetitions of the thoughts. Likewise with coping mechanisms, false beliefs, bad habits and more.


Let’s say the events of trauma or abuse or the events for which we formed coping mechanisms and false beliefs were long ago.  In every moment, the brain is recalling them when similar-appearing circumstances arise.  It may not, in fact, be happening in external circumstances, but our mind repeats the memory and that “groove” in our mind deepens. It feels to us as though it is happening.  The deeper the groove, the more magnetic pull it has on our consciousness. Those whose dependency needs were not met when young may often find their awareness of their lack of love and value to be played out in relationships, even loving relationships. 


When we feel ourselves being drawn toward that magnetic pull, that pull itself can be a signal for us to stop, breathe, and cry out to Hashem for redemption from the pulls of our past circumstances.  It is our natural reality – our brain does have these memories and they do play a huge role in our neurology.  But they are not who we are essentially.


The wisdom to know that these are a strong magnetic pull and not who we are essentially is the beginning of being able to serve Hashem in the moment.  It is our effort to recognize and choose a far greater magnet – Hashem Himself – for our consciousness to cling that is productive. 


We form our eternal identity from the simple but hard effort it takes to sweat through these moments.  It makes no difference the mission of each person in that moment – only the G-d-conscious effort to release our essence from the grips of the natural magnet – the negative reactions – forms for each unique person their eternal life.

This is the main thing to understand.  The more trapped our essence is in the feeling of lack of love and lack of value, the bigger the magnet in our life has been.  And the more spiritual matter we can bring from that natural response to kedusha. 


We can change our brains.  It takes consistent effort over time to build new neuropathways that become a highway for our consciousness to direct our essence.  But it is possible.  And it is the most pleasant outcome a person can have.


Who would not write inner peace as their number one choice to make a difference in life?  It is obvious that riches alone do not bring inner peace, although wealth can help tremendously in easing the daily struggles of life. 


Who desires life, eternal life?  This was the question of the Chofetz Chaim.  The laws of lashon hora are a great way to confront and effortfully pull our essence from the natural to kedusha.  Yet we fight this with our judgments, clinging to the justifications for our natural thinking as the road to comfort and contentment.


May our efforts be empowered by this knowledge so that we have the emunah to push through when we feel those downward pulls drawing us into familiar dark alleys in our minds.  And may our process bring a new light to the world and the coming of the redemption from our love for Hashem and our desire to serve Him in this way.




Mere words can remove the obstructions that cover the forces of mercy from shining into the world – through sincere supplications and prayer

Once we accept our basic human nature as the biology of being alive – that we want something, that when our goal is frustrated we find that stressful and that stress hormone triggers our survival instincts, which then place us into thinking that is defensive and damaging, either to ourselves or others – that self-knowledge can become a choice rather than a given.


When we notice this basic, constant neurology in operation, we can choose to zoom out.


Hashem has given us life and this compelling, neurologically felt biology to cover the true reality.  What is the true reality?


We are filled only by a force that He Wills.


The force that fills us is connected to Hashem and contains His 13 Attributes of Mercy.  We are carved from His Lovingkindness, we are filled by His Lovingkindness, and we are intended to choose to reveal that lovingkindness over the compelling neurology our survival instincts otherwise would suggest to us.


The place of choice is the moment we zoom out where we make the effort to cry out to Hashem, to describe in detail what we are feeling and to tell Hashem that it is our choice to respond in a way that reveals Him because all we want is to see the King. When we so choose, we have taken our mortal existence and converted it into eternal life.


The rest is up to Hashem.  Very often, we feel a calming.  Our neurology, when we bring love into our hearts as we do when we remember to cry out to Hashem with love for Him, releases a hormone that actually calms us down.  This is how we can have a deeper love for Hashem, our Creator, Who by our very biology and the giving of Torah leads us to truth and inner peace.


But don’t take my word for it.  Try it out.  When feeling distressed, recognize the survival instincts and all the “weapons” we are considering, be they words or actions, to “defend ourselves.”  Instead of continuing that line of thought, hold those feelings in the heart but zoom out and cry out to Hashem.  Tell Him every detail of what happened and all that is being triggered inside.  Tell him the damages that you are weighing that feel so justified and then tell Him “I only want to see the King. I don’t want this natural reaction.  I wish to direct the forces within me NOT for the subjective survival instincts I feel because I know that survival depends only on You and that You have sent this to me so that I may participate in affecting whether or not Your Mercy is seen in the world.  I choose to do something that will reveal the forces as Your Mercy.  Please help me.”


Hashem is with us right here, right now, at every moment.  He is really all there is, there is no other Power.  Are we going to open the door and bring Him through our hearts?  The choice is ours.  He does the rest!!  Our role is to have emunah in this truth and to remember to cry out in relationship, to fulfill the role He intends for us, to participate in bringing His Presence from concealment to revelation through shining His Merciful Lifegiving force through.  To do so, we remove the obstruction – human nature – with love and longing to see the King.  And that choice brings us eternal life and adds to the revelation of light that brings the sprouting of Moshiach.





Some rhyming fun for re-harnessing the self-conscious forces in our hearts – shine light, kids and grownups too

For kids fighting For couples fighting
We are not allowed to hit

And we are not allowed to bite

We are not allowed to kick and

we are not allowed to fight

We are not allowed to hurt, you want to know why?

Cause you don’t like it and neither do I.

I see that you want something from me

But I want  from you first – just give to me

If you don’t give me first you don’t love me you see

And so I will not give to you anything for free

So what do I do when I am mad of course.

What do I do with that power and force.

What do I do when my smile is a frown?

How do I keep myself from pushing you down!

You don’t respect me or you’d give it to me

I say I am in charge and you ignore me

How can you say that I don’t love you

How can I show love when you insult me through and through

The first thing to know is Hashem made me out of love

The second thing to know is that He wants me to love.

Hashem is always here so there is nothing to fear

My power and force are up to me to steer!

That is just your ego, thick as a rock

Don’t you have emotions, Mr Spock

I need to be loved and adored

How can I respect you when I am feeling ignored!

Because Hashem made me there is love for me

Because Hashem made you He loves you too

If Hashem made you and me

Then He loves us both you see

Let’s be loving like Him cause we’re family.

What are we fighting about you and me

We both know we are family

Not only that we are precious souls

Loved by Hashem and part of one mold




How can I get my happy feelings back

How can I feel better after getting a smack

What will help if I don’t hit back


Hmm, I can say “ please its not okay to wack!”

Let’s think about that for a moment you and I

Imagine that Hashem is with us, no need to cry

Because He is really here and our hearts we can steer

Let’s not misuse His strength- there is nothing to fear

Then I can steer myself to jump up and down

I can steer myself to color with red and brown

I can run it off with a game of tag

Or we can have a tug of war with a rag.

Open up our hearts and let our souls bloom

Set aside our egos let Hashem fill the room

He is the sole source of love and respect

Take a breath and re-connect!

Would you like to jump with me up and down

Would you like to color with me red and brown

Would you like to have a good running game of tag?

Or would you like to play tug of war with a rag?

The feelings that we have are for a faulty goal

What stirs inside us can make us whole

One with you and me and with Hashem you see

Release the “me” and let flow our vitality

I bet you just want to play with me

I guess you didn’t know cause we are only  two or three

That instead of giving a smack on my head to see

If I want to play, you can just ask me!

Then we have invested in eternity

Then we have bliss after mortality

The process of fixing goes on temporarily

What it can bring us is bliss eternally

Hashem makes us both nice, both you and me

He knows that we really are just two and three.

We don’t yet know how to control hands and feet

So let’s do what He wants and love each other when we meet.

So yes I will give to you what you ask,

Whether or not you take on my task.

I do it for you because the love I show

Is a revelation of Hashem, you know.


Patience is a way to steer power and force

I can understand when you loose it of course

It happens to me so I understand

Just say you’re sorry and let’s try again.

And that is my motive and that is my why

Yes  I can smile and I am not being coy.

I truly feel His love when I give to you

It heals something in me through and through.


Accepting the relationship Hashem desires to have with us – the truth about human nature

What if we open our eyes and see a basic truth to human nature?  We have all been children, toddlers, and babies.  Some of us have children, toddlers, and babies.  Understanding this age bracket can be very stressful.  And many things can happen during our early years that we are formed by for a lifetime.

What do all of us have in common when it comes to being babies, toddlers, and young children?

When a toddler does not receive what the toddler desires, very often the toddler will have what we call a temper tantrum.  If we look at what is happening, though, we can learn a great deal about the layers of human nature that Hashem gives us to shape.

A child desires, is told “no”, experiences a stressful frustration, and has a survival instinct to defend oneself and fight back with aggression.  There is a split second between telling a child “no” and a cry, or the throwing of a toy, or a hit.  We teach the child to tell us the feeling rather than act it out, but really, let’s make a mental note that even as adults, the built in reaction to frustration is stress that can lead to blaming and damaging actions.

We want something.  Wanting would fall into the category of “water,” of a desire for something that we believe will nurture, provide love or sustenance or happiness.  When we are unsuccessful, the “need” has now turned us into thinking that its lack is a threat to our survival. Now we feel fire/anger/fear, or air/lack of honor/urge to speak hurtfully, or earth/sadness/laziness.

What if instead of identifying with the suggestions of our natural “life coach” the yetzer hara, who is really seeking to leech off our soul, from our life force, its holiness and divert holiness to the vanities of the world?  What if we saw the opportunity to calm ourselves down from the stress reaction and bring the elements of water, fire, wind and earth to a place that could reveal Hashem’s hidden love within it?


We are actually created to do just that by choosing relationship with Hashem, being the “moon” in relation to the “Sun,” realizing that by nullifying our subjectivity and moving to selflessness, we actually build eternal identity.  We start by grasping how empowered we are to affect the world by drawing upon Hashem’s love to be frevealed by our hearts.


By remembering that Hashem loves us and is the Creator of all, and that He, Elokim, is really love that is concealed within all, we have the opportunity to break off the covering concealing His Love and revealing His Mercy through our speech and deeds.  We do this when we act according to Torah, believing that we are spiritual beings in bodies capable to bring His Love into our hearts, affecting and calming our stress reactions and removing the obstructions to seeing Hashem’s presence.


Where do we each have our unique obstructions?  It is in these areas that soon the counting of the omer will give us opportunity to reharness our natural energies and decorate the darkness that obscures His Presence with love for Hashem that enlightens the world through our choosing words and deeds that reveal Hashem.

We have real free will.

We can, in our own lives, through our choices, affect the very real elements, the nature of the world for the better.  Are you IN?

Subjec Will Outcome natural reaction natural Influence on elements free will spiritual reality spiritual influence of spiritual reality
Hashem His thoughts Immediately  appears as Elokim Justice, truth Elokim concealing mercy, love mercy, love nurture, relationship with Man
Man thoughts and heart not immediate frustration, survival instinct remain natural – anger, fear, shame, blame OR to see that it is mercy love water, fire, wind and/or earth  can reveal Hashem’s love
actions come to fruition self-conscious,  powerful, remain natural -ego, dominion, spiritual potential falls to vanity to see that it is from Hashem, self-less, gratitude humility, relationship, strengthen vessel from the natural to holy, elements reveal Hashem’s love, eternal life



Lights of Emunah Rabbi Menachem Azoulay Parshas Pekudei 5778 by Dov Elias


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Vayakhel – Pekudei – Para 5778

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Have a wonderful Shabbos,

Dov Elias

פרשת ויקהל-פיקודי-פרה
This adaptation is dedicated in honor
of my dear wife, Devorah,
and our dear daughter, Tehilla.
לרפואה שלימה: אברהם שלמה בן העניא – רצה בת רחל – העניא בת פריידל

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We want to see The King


Please read Ohr HaEmunah from Rabbi Menachem Azoulay on Parshas Terumah here:  Text is also below the line at the bottom of this blog entry.

The more we understand our thinking and what it is for,

the more choices we have regarding our speech and deeds.


The more emunah we have in Hashem,

the more we can steady ourselves in choosing to live spiritual truth over natural response.


The farther we get from the moment of Adom’s creation,

the more intermingled are true thoughts from our holy neshama regarding survival being up to Hashem with natural thoughts about the best way to survive based on our own efforts.


The more we see that we are, indeed, spiritual beings who are given physical existence in order that we may have a participatory role in revealing Torah and Hashem as the King,

the more courage we have in the moment to be mesiras nefesh whatever self-consciousness may otherwise motivate us.


The more we desire to see the King,

the more will power we have to recognize and not identify with the competing desires that are natural.


The more successes we have choosing our spiritual goals as our essence,

the more recognition we have into competing natural messages that previously would have been the motivation for our conduct and the more self-control we have in the moment.


The more love we feel for Hashem,

the more we are able to quiet our inner stressful emotions by remembering that He is with us right here and now.


The more we understand how Hashem has made our neurology – to want, to feel stressed and frustrated when we do not receive, and to experience an urge for aggression when we do not see or feel His Love,

the more we understand that the calmness we feel when we love Hashem in that moment reveals His Love for us, built into our design.


The more we realize His Love for us,

the more we see how He desires for us to participate in revealing Him.


The more we want to reveal Him, even though our thinking after so many generations of galus has many darkened layers over His Hiddenness,

the more our simple wanting is effective because of the simple emunah it takes to want to reveal Him.


We cry out to You in hisbodidus, we try to figure out how to unmix up all the thinking in the world today.  We don’t want all the self-conscious thinking that further conceals You.  

Hashem, sincerely, we just want You Hashem, we just want to see the King.


Hashem’s so beautiful,

He’s love.

A piece of the Eternal

is within

With mind we see

the truth

Our hearts yearn to be

Your Home


Your Will is everything  

We hope for,

Your mercy is everything

we dream


We ask to become free

from nature

We wish to serve and see

The King



 From Rabbi Menachem Azoulay on Parshas Teruma

Based on R’ Menachem Azoulay’s “Ohr Ha’Emunah”

What is the “h­k”?  Hashem said to the Jewish people: volunteer, donate and make the Mishkan and do not say that you are giving anything from your own pockets, because everything is mine, as it says: (j’c hdj) “,Itcm v¬u«vh o­t1b c·vZv* h´k u ;x­Fv* h¬k ” – The silver is mine and the gold is mine, says Hashem.  Hashem reminded the Jewish people you are donating what is already mine, do not be stingy, do not hold back I gave it to you and now you give it back.

It is such a powerful and amazing thing to cling to Hashem.  That is what the soul wants.  The soul needs nothing aside from attachment to Hashem.  That is the essence of holiness.

Holiness is attachment to Hashem, to constantly long for Hashem.  All of our davening and meditating is longing for our Father.  It is not sufficient to long for Hashem one hour a day (the prescribed minimum amount of Hisbodedus in Breslev tradition), we must long for our Father all day.  The one hour Hisbodedus (customarily in the fields) is for crying over the fact that we are so distant from our Father, but longing and craving for closeness to Him must occupy us all day long.

Our primary focus must be desire and longing.  A person must accustom himself to yearn for, desire and long for Hashem at all times.  We must strive always to have good strong holy desires.  As Rebbe Nachman taught, this world is nothing, the main task in serving Hashem is the desire.  As far as serving Hashem, it is unlikely that anyone can say that they served Hashem.  Even an angel cannot boast that he is able to serve Hashem.  The primary focus must be on the desire for Hashem.  The important question is do we truly want Hashem.

Desire is attachment, connection and that is the highest level a person can reach.  “Hashem, I want you. Hashem, I cannot do anything without you.  Hashem, bring me close to you.”  If we have that, we are not missing anything.

Our entire purpose in life is to build a sanctuary in our hearts for Hashem’s presence.  At moments that the honor of Hashem rests on a person, the soul is filled with life and beautiful song and it understands that the world was created for this very purpose.  From this feeling, a person draws strength and courage to work and toil in the service of Hashem.  From this, he draws the ability to withstand the passions and the impulses, weakness and fatigue.

In this week’s Parsha, Hashem asks us to participate in building the Mishkan, a place for His presence to rest.  How can we participate?  By giving!  And what does Hashem want us to give?  Gold, silver, copper, blue wool, purple wool, etc.  Gold, silver and copper refer to the good points in every single Jew.  For each and every one of us, even the least worthy, even the lowest of the low, there is no such thing as a “Jew” who does not have, at least, one good trait.  If it is not a “golden” trait, then it is a “silver” one, and if not “silver,” it is, at least, “copper” – but something good can be found in each and every Jew.

In this merit, the Mishkan was built.  During the course of the day for each of us there can be found sparks of light – good thoughts, thoughts of teshuva, overcoming the evil inclination.  Each of these sparks is a wonderful contribution to the building of the Mishkan.  Every good spark in our lives is another contribution to building the Beis Hamikdash – whether the communal one or the private one within each of us.  Hashem said, build a Mikdash and I will dwell in them.  Hashem did not say that I will dwell in “it,” rather He said “them.”  The reference is not to the Mishkan or the Beis Hamikdash only but that Hashem will rest within each and every one of us.  Each Jew, according to the purity and the merit of his heart, according to his contribution, he prepares a place for Hashem’s presence.  In similar measure, he feels the grace of Hashem.  The final letters of each word of the pasuk oav ogubc ,uzjk” ” spell the word t-r-u-m-ah.

Holiness means to learn to submit.  Three are said to have all of their sins forgiven: a bridegroom, a convert and someone who achieves prominence.  The bridegroom receives forgiveness because he submits to his wife, a convert because he submits himself to the Jewish people and the one who achieves prominence because he submits himself to the public, the community.

Rus gave up everything to follow Naomi and she was rewarded with being the grandmother of Moshiach.  Rochel gave up everything (in what is probably the greatest act of submission ever) and she was rewarded with being the mother of the Jewish people.

A person who desires holiness must attach himself to eternal matters.  He must remember, at every moment, that everything is nonsense, only Hashem is truth.  The body pulls us down.  The body tells us, “there is time, Hashem is not going anywhere, what does it really mean to long for Hashem.  Right now, what you need is a piece of cake, you need to taste something sweet, you need a little more sleep, five more minutes, otherwise you won’t be able to get out of bed at all.”  The evil inclination seduces us and convinces us to see evil as good, pretending that he is good for us.

We can use the same tactic for good.  Rebbe Nachman taught us that when a person is far from joy or excitement in tefilla, he should pretend to be happy and enthusiastic.  He should imitate enthusiasm and joy until he will slowly be zoche to be inspired.  When a person imagines himself a certain way and even tries to imitate tzaddikim and real G-d-fearing Jews, he becomes attached to holiness.  He will see that imitation and imagination can be a powerful force to draw one close to good and to triumph in the monumental war with the yetzer hora.

When we are with Hashem, with the soul, everything is amazing and we are happy.  When we are with the body, we are also happy, but only temporarily, the happiness dissipates.  The war for holiness never ceases.  If a person is not moving forward, he is moving backwards.  He gets dragged after the temptations of this world.  A person must infuse holiness into his home.  A child must see his father things other than eat.  A home is not a bar, the children must see their father learning Torah every day.

Holiness comes only when we act for the sake of Hashem.  On the pasuk  “” – Rashi says, “for my name.”  While all mitzvos, must be done lshem shamayim, tzedakah has a stronger inclination towards ulterior motives, to gain personal honor.  Therefore, the Torah specifically stresses the need to proper intentions here.  Mitzvos done with the proper intent are far greater and more powerful than those very same acts performed with ulterior motives.  The reward for a mitzvah done lshem shamayim is many times the reward for the same mitzvah done otherwise.  The gemara in Pesachim (50:) says that a person should engage in Torah and mitzvos even with improper intent because by engaging with improper intent, he will come to proper intent (“”).  This statement is only

true for one who earnestly attempts and wants to do the will Hashem perfectly but for the moment it is difficult for him and he feels seriously tested and cannot, at this time, overcome.  But, he knows the truth and he is working towards it – then we can say “”  But, for the person that acts exclusively for his own honor and glory, this chazal does not apply.

We have come to this world to serve our Creator, not for Hashem to serve us, G-d forbid.  Our purpose is to seek what Hashem wants from us right now, not what we want from Hashem.  For this reason there were chassidim that had the custom, after finishing their hisbodedus and their tefillos, to say to Hashem, “until now I made many requests from You, from here on out do as you please and I accept everything that you choose for me with love.”

Another element of holiness is self-discipline.  To set tasks and goals and adhere to them.  A person who maintains self-discipline receives a lot of siyata dishmaya.  When a person is busy, he feels alive and this gives him joy.  He handles things diligently, not trying to force his own schedule, but with tefillos and supplication.  He knows that ultimately, everything is in Hashem’s hands.

Through all of these good traits, we build our Mishkan.  With love, with generosity.  It was purposely after the sin of the Golden Calf that they built the Mishkan.  After the great sin, they had to seek good points within every Jew.  I am darkened by the sin – but I am beautified by the building of the Mishkan.

The Mishkan still exists today, it is just hidden.  It is impossible to destroy something that was built with generosity, good and pure desires and with purity of the heart.  Those ingredients create an everlasting reality that cannot be interrupted.