Author Archives: shulikleinman

Summary of discussion after the call on breaking our nature that blames and shames

Thank you to those who remained on the call this morning to share. And thank you to the participant who shared in detail how she changed the focus of the moment to nullifying the negative emotion in favor of reflecting Hashem into this world and the calmness that resulted within her psyche.


Finding a way to remember what she shared gives all of us the strength we need to help us in the moment. What a man is able to do in such a moment is to connect worlds!!! When we make the free willed choice to nullify negative reactions based on ego/self-awareness in time and space in favor of Torah, fervent prayer and emulating Hashem’s 13 Attributes of Mercy our speech and deeds combine worlds and elevate this fallen world closer to the spiritual world of creation that Hashem Wills it to be. He gives us the role, the work load, of using free will and speech to accomplish this. Real free will is given so that we merit the perfect happiness and joy inherent in being connected to Him


What came out of our discussion is that this role is PRIMARY for our psyche despite being secondary for our ego/self-aware existence. That is the place of the struggle and the place of the opportunity.


The circumstances of our lives are orchestrated by Hashem in order to evoke the negative challenges that our particular soul is capable to bring a combining of worlds. Once we see how the energy within us can do this, and once we choose to accept the concept that combining and unifying worlds is the spiritual mission for which Hashem has given us corporeal existence, we are empowered to approach our challenges in the context of love and awe of Hashem and to serve Him in the manner that is His Will.


Our brain is constructed to constantly be appraising and sending us red alerts when there is any opportunity to consider that we might be abandoned or annihilated.   This is 24/7 365, for even in our dreams/nightmares, we are emoting. Our soul too is awake and active 24/7/365 and can become the directing part for our speech and deeds when we choose to discover how.


Every person wants love and value, which are what we seek to quiet our fears of abandonment and annihilation. So someone invites or doesn’t invite us. Or someone speaks harshly to us. Or someone refuses to give us something we believe we are entitled to. And we react. Perhaps we have learned to react with a strong question with our pain in our voice, returning to the person the immediate feedback that we might abandon them! The universal point is that very often we have no idea that what we are saying or doing is coming into our actions and speech because of fears of abandonment or annihilation that in turn cause fears in others. We could live our whole lives and never know the discomfort our manner of speaking at such times as we are triggered causes others. It can truly be a blind spot and even if pointed out, we may deny it. That is the strength of the subconscious and unconscious mind, and it is how Hashem gives us real free will.



In order to discover how, we need to tease apart what is coming from our soul from what is coming from self-awareness. It is for this purpose that verbal introspection becomes a valuable tool, for when we talk out loud about our challenges in His Presence, we hear back Torah principles and values from our higher soul in response. As we accustom to hearing this dialogue and we develop more confidence in it, we gain more free will in the moment when our emotional reactions occur.


We choose our identity. Are we seeking happiness based on self-aware pleasures of time and space or do we accept that our psyche’s needs are greater than the seeking and the attainment of worldly pleasures? How much sense does it make to take the time we have here given to us to create our eternity and combine worlds and instead use it for the pursuit of matters that simply have no eternity or worse, for which we will have to undergo a painful spiritual cleansing after 120 years? We have real free will.


May Hashem help us see our existence in time and space as the opportunity it is and not as an all consuming, raging whirlpool headed towards the vortex of despair and death.

Breaking out of blame and shame in favor of serving Hashem

Firstly, immediately stop blaming by realizing that behind absolutely everything is only One Power – Hashem. People have responsibility and free will, but ultimately, the cause of the suffering is that it is from Hashem.. This imperative requires us to pause and reflect. We feel a loss of love, we feel abandoned. Our fear of abandonment is being triggered and we are concerned for our survival.  We may also be afraid anticipating that whatever we say or do will  lead another to blame or shame us or cause us to feel abandoned or annihilated, which causes us to blame or shame in advance “in preparation” to defend ourselves or strategize.


Secondly, realize that we are attempting to shame others even though we think we are just securing our dependency needs in order to survive. We don’t realize that we are shaming others, but what we are doing in many instances is saying strong and powerful words or taking strong or controlling actions in order to subjugate and dominate the other with a threat of humiliation in order to assure that they will bend their will to ours…Ask instead, where do I wish to condemn and identify the shortcomings of those who have been Hashem’s messengers? Hashem has chosen people who have natural limitations and often fail at their free will points in regards to some part of the event presenting a challenge to me. What are my condemnations and what entitlements that I believe are rightfully mine are being withheld? Realize that without meaning to, these thoughts are in violation of the 9th commandment, do not bear false witness…for both of these caricaturize the other person obscuring that they are made in the image of Hashem’s 13 attributes of mercy as well as finding fault with the reality that the place of the world is Hashem’s mind. Stop shaming


Thirdly, look inside and find the place where we feel swirling and pain and fear. Realize that there is a huge amount of raw energy that is “on the table” and without even understanding what is at the root, just accept that part of that energy is our own soul that is clinging to something that has at least one chain that is false based on steps one and two above and that we have confusion in our mind and the Shechina is trapped there as well. Tell Hashem I have confusion of mind because there is nothing but Your Glory filling all the worlds and I am small and beloved in Your eyes and that is how I wish to experience this and from where I wish to respond, thank You for being patient with me


Fourthly, realize that the raw energy on the table is our own soul that has built a pattern, has limiting beliefs, natural tendencies and more. But just as gold nuggets need to be processed to extract the gold, and just as delicious walnuts are found in a shell that cannot be eaten, so too this energy can be “taken to the mikvah” through our mind to heart intentions and we can ask Hashem to remold it so that it is once again accessible to us to reveal only Torah and fervent prayer and emulating Hashem’s 13 attributes of mercy, the true identity of every living person because mankind is made in the image of Hashem’s 13 attributes of mercy. Using free will to choose identity and speech to pray fervently, ask Hashem to please help us draw His Attributes of Mercy into the place of the pain and suffering so that His Light can be seen in our speech and deeds instead of our natural reactions based on something false.


Fifthly, realize once again that there is no currency other than the Glory of Hashem from where we can derive real pleasure or real happiness and nullify the forces whispering logic and time and space solutions to compete with four above. Ein Od Milvado. Be in a mental state of yearning to receive remolded energy in the form of Hashem’s 13 attributes of mercy, tolerating insult, overlooking faults, bearing the burden of confusion of mind, forgiving and casting sins in the sea and ask Hashem to please help us lead these attributes into time and space so that He can be seen in this matter. Recognize that all the other parties are also suffering from confusion of mind attempting to react based on their natural fears of abandonment and annihilation but they may not be aware of these steps nor may they be committed to chosing an identity based on reflecting Hashem’s 13 attributes of mercy into the world and that is their free willed choice. Each person has real free will and Hashem is very patient with us, giving us a lifetime to find the path of true happiness and pleasure that comes from emulating His 13 Attributes of mercy over our natural egotistical, time and space responses.



Sixth, out of love for Hashem and with awe in how Hashem creates the world – giving us natural negative responses and free will to “nullify” our urge to take action on them in favor of taking action in loving relationship with Hashem to serve Hashem by reflecting Him into the world (that freely choosing with understanding and love in our hearts to negate our negative responses out of love and awe of Hashem creates positive influence). This is what we agreed to do at Har Sinai, to keep the Torah and mitzvahs, and each Rosh Hashana we agree again to serve Him and use our free will in this way.


Seventh, pray fervently to Hashem that because we have confusion of mind and wish to do teshuva, to please help us restore the Foundation of the world,


Water – the Source of all vitality is Hashem and please forgive us for desires that trigger us when it is not His Desire that we receive the good we believe we are “entitled” to.


Fire – all passion, anger, fear, frustration, arrogance, self-aware assertiveness – is to be directed toward learning Torah, fervent prayer that everything turn out alright in our eyes, and emulating Hashem’s 13 attributes of mercy. All swirling fears and stomach drops are fallen awe of Hashem, experiences imprinted in our minds that have gathered patterns and limiting beliefs which we mistake for who we are. These fallen fears exist as learned responses and extend to both subconscious and unconscious levels . But the impurities are coming from natural existence in time and space and NOT from the tzelem elokim made in the image of Hashem’s 13 attributes of mercy and are therefore coverings, externalities that feel internal, that need to be “toiveled” in the “mikvah” through our heart to mind to heart process.


Wind – speech is breath, which contains light and when we intentionally pray fervently we create spiritual beings that lead us in the path we want to go and create positive influence


Earth – humility, solid existence reflecting Hashem’s 13 attributes of mercy over our natural reactions is the way we demonstrate bitul, consciousness to serve Hashem

Releasing light from instincts to repair foundation of world water fire wind and earth – read and watch

It is important to go step by step to see how each one of us is empowered and has a key role to play in what manifests in the world.  Because we are live with a soul made in the image of Hashem’s 13 Attributes of Mercy, we have a real power to create positive influence through the use of the Divine gifts of free will and speech.

Because of having eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, instinctively we are constantly appraising if we are receiving love and value or the opposite, being abandoned or annihilated, including insults to our ego and honor. This is self-awareness and without Torah, we conduct our lives pursuing love and value based on resolving the conflicts that we perceive as causing our losses in love and value.  Self-awareness is to give us a subjective reality that feels like a real alternative to the truth, which is that the only glory in the world is Hashem Who glorifies us with a tzelem elokim in order to have a relationship with His 13 Attributes of Mercy in a being that could make that choice and experience the immense pleasure of doing so each time we rise above the natural subjective experience that poses an alternative.

The way we are designed is that our self-image is formed over the first 18 years of life, much of it before age 13, the age of higher brain functioning. What this means is that imprinted in our minds by design are reactions to receiving or not receiving love and value based on parents, teachers, family, environment and more. Hashem sets our free will point. When we are fully grown, our appraising mind continues its search for feedback what we are loved and valued and should we feel that our self-image is not being maintained – that is, someone treats us in a manner that is inconsistent with the image that we have of how we should be treated – our mind recalls all the originating circumstances and we project onto the matter patterns, beliefs and experiences from our early years as if it is truly happening. No matter how old we get, our subjective reality of who we are is our playing field. However, with Torah, we can begin to see how our reactions are based on fear of abandonment and fear of annihilation, and with consciousness of having a soul made in the image of Hashem’s 13 attributes of mercy, we can begin to do the work that Hashem creates us to do, which is to have compassion on the Shechina that is in galus with the emotions those fears generate and resolve the fears in favor of awe of Hashem.  To the degree we experience a great deal of blame and shame as children, the more our soul is entangled by the snare that the instincts of fear of abandonment and annihilation pose for us,the more intense our upsets when these instincts become triggered and the more intensely we attempt to justify and defend ourselves against them.

It is easier to see the pattern from the perspective of our own suffering when we experience loss of love and value. Surely the Jewish people are the most abandoned and annihilated, it having been a very long galus. What do those who desire to destroy us do? They hate us and they take away our human dignity. How? Through very hurtful dialogue and through inflicting physical damage and death. Humiliation and extermination. Fear of abandonment and fear of annihilation trigger us tremendously. What is normal and natural is to try to defend ourselves. But what are we up against?

Those who seek our destruction feel that our existence is causing them abandonment and annihilation because that is their subjective experience based on their orientation. What we are up against are deep human emotions based on fears that are instinctive because we ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. We have confusion of mind.

Torah teaches us that the Shechina is in galus within the darkest places of the human makeup. The Shechina is willing to patiently await the arousal from below of compassion upon the Shechina, awaiting us to realize our functioning as mankind.

But how?

The ninth utterance is let us make man in our image. The commandment that keeps that in place is the ninth commandment, do not bear false witness. That would include remembering that each person, including ourselves, is made in Hashem’s image and that the place of the world is the mind of Hashem. Let’s walk through our reactions when we feel humiliated.

Someone is exercising power or authority over us attempting to subjugate us to their will by humiliating us. In any language, it is easy to see how childish reactions to parents and authority can be triggered here. Even if our parents raised us well, the attempts of those with power over us, e.g. teachers, government, employers, etc, trigger the learned and remembered tools to resolve fears of abandonment and annihilation in societally accepted ways. There are social rules, there are laws, there are rights and the like to guide our conduct.

Have you ever seen a totally oppositional child, who has become “deaf” to his mother’s voice, doing whatever the child wants? The parents experience a sense of helplessness and the child does not learn social norms and rules but rather the power of humiliating others to advance the child’s own will. One of the most powerful ways of humiliating people is to make fun of them, to belittle them, to blame them, to shame them. The reason is that built into the tzelem elokim of every person is a mental measuring stick to see if we are reflecting Hashem’s image into the world or not. This is an aspect of the soul connected to our ability to receive the experience of happiness when we do indeed reflect Hashem’s 13 attributes into the world. The inner accusation that we are NOT doing so, that we have been untrue to Hashem, is very painful to the soul and if another person wields words that shame us, the soul wants to satisfy that person so that they see in fact that it is not true. Instead of clinging to Hashem’s 13 attributes as the source of our happiness, the opinion of the other person has now taken precedence because of their position of power over us, either in terms of money, beauty, social status, employment, or position. And we become triggered and our awe of Hashem becomes lowered and trapped in fear of abandonment or annihilation.

What happens internally is that often we begin to feel entitled to something we are not getting. This means we are interacting from a place of self-awareness rather than Gd consciousness. And from that place where we feel angry, frustrated, in need of setting something straight, a part of our tzelem elokim that is made in Hashem’s image is trapped along with the Shechina in a false reality, seeking happiness dependent on matters of time and space rather than pursuing the happiness for which we are designed, which is to reflect Hashem into the world.

The longer we pursue happiness based on matters in time and space, the more our tzelem elokim provides nurture for the lower realms in time and space without meaning to create any negative influences. Our very tzelem elokim, with all the good logical reasoning and justifications of our appraising mind, inadvertently is also forming beings that have a negative influence upon the way Hashem maintains the world. For Hashem maintains the world based on the influences that mankind creates through our thoughts, speech and deeds.

The task then is one of remembering to do the ninth commandment even in the face of being powerfully subjugated and humiliated by forces or people in time and space. How do we remember? Torah. Hashem commands us. Do not bear false witness. Remember at all times that we are made in the image of His 13 attributes, and that means having patience for ourselves and others when we both see how powerfully the appraising mind can draw us into the darkness of fears of abandonment or annihilation. The truth is that we can never be abandoned or annihilated in a two world picture, that our soul is eternal and has an eternal mission – to have compassion on the Shechina that is waiting patiently for us to submit to Hashem’s Oneness and use our free will to lead His 13 attributes of mercy into the world.

We can elevate fear of abandonment and annihilation back to awe of Hashem with love in our heart when we take the time to see Hashem’s unrequited love for us. That then produces compassion for the Shechina that is trapped in the darkness of our subjective reality and we can release the Shechina and return all of the light from our our own tzelem elokim that got trapped in time and space and ask Hashem to remold it all and give it to us in order that we reflect it into the world in a revelation of His Glory asking and beseeching Him to restore the foundation of the world, water, fire wind and earth to reveal His Goodness without the negative influences we inadvertently may have made. Please listen to the video above:



Digging out of the combined pits of three galuses – live in emunah with prayer

At the end of days we are involved with elements of the three previous galuses, worshipping power/force/luxury as was the fault in idol worship for the galus of Babylon, being involved with beauty and body as was the galus of Greece that led to the Chanukah story and the galus of Rome which was sinas chinam, baseless hatred, the exaggerated understanding of what each individual is to the degree that it broke apart klal yisrael.


We are told that until we repair the cause of the destruction of the second temple sinas chinam, it is as if we are the generation that destroyed it. But we have not only not made progress, it seems that we have fallen into the grips of all three galuses, adopting power subjugation and humiliation as the pathway to luxuries, offering honor and respect based on wealth and beauty.


At some point it must become fairly obvious that although we have figured out how to dominate, there is a residual imprint we are making on the universe that is far more important for us to accept upon ourselves to repair.


Nishmas Am Yisrael. Torah and Hashem’s name are one. Torah is the blueprint for the world. The ten commandments tell us how the Jewish People should conduct ourselves in order to maintain the utterances of Hashem.


The ninth commandment is do not bear false witness. That means our relationships must acknowledge that we and they are made in Hashem’s image, and that His Glory fills all the worlds. Thus is the basis for giving the benefit of the doubt. To live in a place of emunah with regard to the ninth commandment is the task at hand. When we are willing to identify ourselves as made in Hashem’s Image, Hashem’s bride Nishmas Am Yisrael, and choose to make effort to uplift the natural downward pulls of fear of abandonment and fear of anniliation to awe of Hashem, we are creating positive influence. What it requires is the attachment of our imagination to Hashem Alone, not to our subjective self-aware circumstances or suffering despite our pain and anguish. Not that Hashem is callous to it. The opposite! He is suffering with us. But He requires that we recognize that He is the only glory and that we pray fervently to Him and no matter what never leave the circle of identifying with the 13 attributes of mercy that He bestows upon us through our neshama. For this is our eternity and true identity, not the illusion we experience as reality because we have self-awareness due to having eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. It is incumbent upon us to build ourselves in emunah to seek the pleasure of being the vessel to reveal Hashem’s 13 attributes of mercy into time and space. For that we need will, ratzon, and that means we have to work hard to peel off the layers of error Hashem sets as our behira point through our childhood and life experiences.


May we all cry out to Hashem, yearning for our Chosson, to quell the pain of humiliation and anger and fear and frustration that compose our coping mechanisms, and instead ask Hashem to forgive our confusion of mind and permit us to return to serve Him as Klal Yisrael. Let us give Hashem back His Klal Yisrael by living in our emunah as our true identity no matter what and no matter the outcomes. For the only currency of power, beauty, honor, identity and health is with Hashem the Source of all vitality, to whom all our passions must be glued with free will and imagination.


And may our effort to yearn create a light that will bring healing, benefit, blessing and redemption to all the world.