Now that we are all together with our loved ones in our homes and have time with each other, it may be that underlying tensions surface. Every person has a pattern of thinking that is often “on automatic” much to the person’s distress. I remember my mother would tell me, “when I do that, just say tricks so I know I did it and then I can stop.” In other words, things slip out of our mouths without our realizing we are in a reactive defensive mode.
How did that happen?
At an early age, we developed ideas based on the responses of the caregivers around us. For example, let’s say a little child is enjoying a story and the parent says the end and the child wants another and the parent says no. If that parent’s no is not filled with love and compassion, and rather filled with a sense that the child is a bother and boring, guess what might happen next. That child feels the lack and interprets it based on a childish mind and that forms a foundation in a person. The child was enjoying the book and if the answer is no, communicating love and a time when it will resume are positive messages that protect a child from misinterpreting and misjudging herself.
However, that is often not what happens to us and so each of us, by design, has a set of these foundational misconceptions that continue deep in our lymbic system and orbital cortex until we choose to “work on our middos,” meaning to clean off the deficiencies that attached to the flow of divine blessing that Hashem is sending through each of us.
With this understanding, when we interact with a loved one who gets reactive and angry because her foundational attachment grabs hold of them naturally, what can we do?
Obviously if the goal is to live above our nature, it makes sense to not react back of course. But now what?
Amazing light trapped in the other person’s reaction has entered our consciousness. Take a few breaths to get our balance, realizing the alternative to nature is to see that there is Shechina in exile there. Yes, it is from Hashem. He is doing everything. He is asking to come from where He is concealed to come into the world through Torah, avoda, chesed or a mitzvah and He has selected US to be that channel.
Strengthen our emunah. Breath in, rest, see it is deficiencies in water and wind that are at play, with doses of fire both goring and creating destructive and defensive emotions. Breathe out seeing that Hashem is hovering over the deficient messages. Rest. Breathe in and realize the opportunity to draw out the light and be a channel of blessings. What does it take? Cry out to Him. Tell Him how it feels to us and that we recognize Him and the opportunity He is giving to us. We do not want Your Light trapped by deficient messages in either of us so please Hashem have mercy on Your Creation and may I draw the compassion and bracha of Your light into my heart and into words of patience, silence, warmth, love, being mevater, and acceptance.
The act of not reacting is step one, but seething in our heart is our signal that we are being asked to go above nature as well and bring forth incredible light into the world. By peeling the messages off of the light and recognizing Him, we shower compassion upon Hashem that awakens our divine connection to Him. From there, we ask for mercy and move forward with the mitzvah. He does all the heavy lifting. We literally go from a place of tuma to a place of kedusha by doing this, for He is above nature and when we choose to be this channel and submit, separate and sweeten, we truly become independent of nature and protected by the One Who is above nature.
And our inner calm that results and our feeling of simcha and connection to Hashem that is coming from our soul and not our ego is tangible to our animal soul as a greater pleasure.
Our will to do this is not for our own glory but so that we may reveal His Glory, which is associated with simcha shel mitzvahs.
May our run and return in our vulnerable moments unify His Name and may we form our eternal identity with humility and divine consciousness as our first responders.
And may we be zocheh to Moshiach b’ahava just for reading this and wanting to do it, to desire this connection with Hashem that we are capable of that is above nature, and may we strengthen our emunah and cry out for mercy and may Hashem say yes and send us His righteous Moshiach to teach us further.
All we want is You Hashem.