Let’s try to understand how deeply embedded we are in the kelipas.
What I mean is that I like to think of myself as spiritual and good and “above that” and that, in reality, is a self deception because the way to be spiritual and good and above that is only through divine mercy.
Yes, our soul is pure and is constantly experiencing the pleasure of being connected to the Source – although this experience is in the chaya and yechida of our soul that is outside of our body.
And yes, this spiritual truth gives us chizuk and empowerment to bring that emunah and pleasure into our lives.
However, we are here on earth, in bodies, and it is simply impossible to not be in the kelipas and have our first reactions come from there. Now, instead of thinking this is a negative judgment on ourselves, realize this is the first step towards run and return.
It is the stage we are on, an emanation of light Sourced in Hashem, in a body in the world of asiya, the world of action.
It means the feelings and experiences that I have are not sourced in me and therefore I am not an entity here on my own, I am not the Source of it. I AM responsible for it. 100 percent. But I am not the Source of it nor am I the Source of the rectification.
Hashem gives us will, speech, pleasure and emunah as powers of the soul, powers Sourced in Him, and I am responsible to utilize these to bring His Will into the moment. In so doing, I recognize Hashem and ask for mercy, that He release Shechina (life force given to me from birth that naturally attaches to physicality) trapped in exile by self-conscious choices made due to being in a body, attached to physicality, which is our natural state and His Design.
I am 100 percent responsible and empowered to recognize Him, to shower compassion upon the Shechina – feeling its pain (remember, our essence is basking in pleasure of connection to faith and the Source of all)- and asking for His Mercy to please be a channel to instead garment that Shechina and bring it into the world through a mitzvah. We can use the powers of the soul to serve as He Designs our soul to do, as a vessel He may use to draw that shechina in exile through our subconscious and back to our hearts for re-investment into mitzvahs. Our vessel though must be strengthened through emunah, however, for this to be possible. And this strengthening comes from the relief of the stormy winds experienced when we properly apply effortful will and trust in Hashem.
The benefit to seeing this is that I am less judgmental on my shortcomings and pained emotions, and in freeing the Shechina in exile there and seeing how holding emunah with intention to bring it into the world restores calm after a storm of emotions, I recognize what it means to be a channel and a vessel. And this gives me compassion for every single one of us, for we are all here in the same design with the same purpose and responsibilities, albeit different unique expressions of it.
We are here to transform the shechina trapped in the natural darkness of our subconscious into light that comes into the world through mitzvahs. To the degree we experience pleasure, it means it is becoming more natural for us. However, whether we feel it or not, this is our purpose and reason for being here and we hope that the pleasure is experienced, the simcha.
Nevetheless, just as mesillas yesharim tells us, at some point we become aware that the pleasures we wish to feel from this world really do not suffice as joy and simcha, and even if they do, it is short lived or often unhealthy.
This is how we come to not judge ourselves but rather wake up to the real task.
The real task is to understand the design, which is compassionate of Hashem to tell us about. Hashem tells us through the avos and the shepherds more about the sefiros, the flow of divine energy into the world. He gives us Pesach to learn how to turn our middos into matzah. He gives us the omer to help us become human rather than animalistic.
So we really can’t say we don’t know.
The real question is, how can I bring this knowing a little deeper today into my moments, how today can I receive each moment a little more conscious of Hashem and the design and a little less self-conscious.
When I ask myself that question, I realize that we are very self-conscious and just that question seems like – whoa, whaaat????
How can I go about my day if I am not being self-conscious? It seems irresponsible, like a denial of adult responsibilities!
LOL A great argument of the forces of nature!!!
Rabbi Genuth explains that if I am thinking about someone and then I turn to something else, that other person still exists, they have an existence independent of whether I am thinking of them or not.
But Hashem is thinking of us and we simply do not have independent existence from His Thoughts, which are not like our thoughts.
Thus, in every moment, it is fair to ask myself, what does Hashem want from me this moment? How do I receive this moment knowing Hashem has thought this up for me, to be responsible 100 percent for what I do in this moment to bring His Will into the world? Or will I argue with that and do what I think should be done according to a value that is attached to my understanding of the natural world because that is what feels real to me?
I guess in my admitting that and getting real with that, I can live in emunah more. And I can have compassion on everyone I see because I truly empathize with where we are.
For the first time, instead of judging someone who is clearly acting out of self-consciousness, trying to handle an attachment issue that is being projected onto present day circumstances and without realizing it causing damage to their own person because of a natural desire to exercise power to defend that person from the harm felt in the subconscious (all of us, if we understand attachment theory), I realize how profoundly we need Hashem’s mercy. We are all that person, trapped in the tohu and vohu, unless we build vessels out of emunah and effort through which His Mercy may be received. Without a vessel to receive His Mercy,, the Infinite LIght He wishes to bestow upon us does not reach its destination, like water spilling off a flat plate.
Being with Hashem to me now seems like really living with the reality that He is the Source of my life force, my circumstances and everything physical giving all of this to me with real free will to embrace the opportunity to utilize life to flow His Light into the world by doing mitzvahs. This is our purpose and reason for being here and overcoming the darkness is how we bring forth the Shechina in exile that we need as His Mercy in order to do so.
We unify our souls as we unify His Name, and may we soon see a revealed light in the world. But for now, lets be real and not judge ourselves or anyone for being trapped in the dark. More so, let’s go out of our way to be compassionate and not put people into that darkness, which is all to easy to land into, that muddy cloudy painful windy twister of deception and misinterpretation that fills our hearts with hateful self judgments or condemnations of others.
At least let’s do that, okay?