Working through a vulnerable share

I woke up with an uncertainty that began to blossom into a blast from the recent past that was really an echo from long ago. With emunah in Hashem, and comprehension that we are here to run and return, to send to and fro across Jacob’s ladder, I realized that compassion on the shechina in exile had to include forgiveness of the parties from the echo of long ago, when I was just too little to know how to respond. Each piece had to be re-experienced from an adult perspective, with ahavas yisrael and the understanding of what natural thinking is for the parties involved, without blaming, but also from love, to actually release the shechina that continues to be in exile from their lacks.

And there is grief for what I was not taught that everyone seems to have as a communication tool to help work things out.

And acceptance.

Then prayer that this shechina in exile and naturally dominating my nerve center should please serve instead to experientially convey Torah and Hashem’s will along with pervasive joy so that I may be the medium across which His Will and light reach into this world.

May the forgiveness for each party then and now expand and heal the initial ideas formed into a knot in my neurology. May the channel become straight – unblocked and uncomplicated -lines of simcha, superhighways, to convey love and light.

I took the light from where it is concealed in the knot and intended for it to become enfolded into the mitzvah of davening, may this new vessel cause the echo messages to dissolve and appear unfamiliar as I re-garment the life force into prayer.

The spiritual essence of the Jewish people is shema yisrael, shviti, ein od, and the Torah that tells us His Will. When we find knots within us that are opposite or an offense to our essence, be inspired with emunah to face and find the knot, knowing that opening that knot is salvation and blessing and healing, not the despair it presents as.

Let us lead ourselves with clinging to Him and thus be that channel for Him to flow into the world..may we move into a vision of our spiritual essence with a higher order of understanding – that we are esoteric beings with a body temporarily so that we may do this and weave for that esoteric soul an eternal garment out of the thread of our lifetime.

May our effort to do so be pleasing to Hashem, a merit, a healing, a cancellation of gezeira and a satisfaction of din for the soul as it exists in myself, my family and klal yisrael, and may the awareness of Hashem help us shower more and more compassion upon the bonds we have with what feels solid and neurologically painful in our lives. May we be zocheh to experience the simcha of dissolving those bonds and to realize experientially with the feeling of closeness and joy that we are empowered to do so and that doing His Will, drawing His Will into our hearts, speech and deeds, is the true pleasure for which we are designed.

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