The seething waters – fear of vulnerability and not being able to attach to love and value

Rabbi Asher Freund teaches that our soul is battered between lack and self-image concerns unless we recognize Hashem and nullify our feeling ourselves as separate. By nullifying our sense of self, we are able to be in that esoteric place of consciousness where we may serve Hashem as He intends. We have real free will. We have emunah. We have speech. And with these, we may run and return, such that there is a flow between heaven and earth, like Jacob’s ladder.

The seething waters are the way we feel when we are bouncing between what it feels we are lacking and what that will mean for us practically – how we will look, how that will feel, and all our interpretations regarding that.

But let’s open that up even more. For this is the tohu and vohu into which our consciousness is placed by Hashem in order to draw the holy sparks back to Him, so it is worthwhile to see how it all unfolds.

Our soul just wants to be with Hashem. That is total joy, to bask in the light and love that is ever-present.

Our soul comes to a world through parents, human parents. We must attach to them for life. And they give to us great love and benefit. However, they are human and not Hashem and therefore, the soul, although alive and fulfilling the mitzvah of honoring our parents, is not fully in the place it knows is the true joy – devekus with Hashem. As a result, there is much room for imagination to put up curtains that separate us even more from Hashem, as our soul bounces back and forth between lack and self-image trying to find the happiness in this world that the soul longs for.

Everyone has attachment issues because of this. Those who had good homes are still longing for attachment to Hashem in their souls although it may not be as urgently felt as those who had to attach within more complicated homes.

We are here to attach to Hashem in this world and thereby be attached to Him for all eternity based on that effort.

What does that mean, attach to Hashem? Hashem is not physical. How do we attach?

We cling to Him with our mind and our hearts and wrap our arms and legs around Him touching with every part of our being, like a little child wrapped around her father’s neck, her legs around His waist, her head on His shoulder. Hugging. Heart to heart. He is what our soul is longing for.

When we attach to receive love from our parents, there are obviously going to be gaps. We attach by following their rules and living according to their ways. There is no guarantee that this will be fulfilling for us. Rather we may even carry resentments because of the manner in which our obedience is elicited. However, when we sincerely attach to Hashem, and we do His Will, there is nothing but simcha. If there is no simcha, it only means that there is a part of our soul that is still trapped in an attachment to a thought or a pattern from our attaching to our homes first. It is for us to find that place, with full trust in Hashem, and to tell Him that we sincerely want that part of our soul to be attached to Him and doing His Will.

When we do Hashem’s will, with all our hearts, with all our souls, and with all our might, there is true simcha. That is emunah.

And Hashem gives us real free will. The deeper the pain, the more of our soul is available to be willed back to a place of connection where it may come into the world through His Will – learning Torah, praying and giving blessings, doing acts of chesed, and performing mitzvahs with awareness of being His keyboard for bringing Infinite Light into the world.

He opens His Hand and satisfies every living thing – He gives us His Will to do and this is what heals us from the seething waters. We literally are pulled out of the tohu and vohu and are part of Him.

Being willing to even see how Hashem has designed this world is the beginning of freedom from what grips us. The beginning of wisdom is awe of Hashem. He is sustaining us and filling us just to give us consciousness with which to recognize Him and serve as a medium for His Light to come into the world. Our resistance is merely our soul trapped in the seething waters due to attachment early in life to beliefs that were necessary in order to develop. Our salvation is our emunah and the use of the real free will He gives us to now wrap ourselves around the truth, His Love, and do His Will, knowing that being with Him is the healing and the way we develop our consciousness so as for our existence to become a complete and pure emanation of Him.

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