So much of the time, when we do hisbodidus and pray for insights and to be able to come closer to Hashem, we have that nagging real concern of how am I going to remember this in that moment when it is actually happening? What can I do so that I can really change in the moment too?
There are many steps and much cheshbon hanefesh that must take place to really come to see our patterns, thoughts and emotions behind our actions. And even with this consciousness, taking that step in the moment feels distant.
The spiritual science of it may also help before I share what may be a way to manage in that moment. Did you know that the brain does not think? The neshama thinks. The brain stores the memories of the hashgacha pratis events – traumas, losses, corrective lessons and more – but it is data, not thinking. What happens when we receive outside stimulation is that the Infinite Light associated with those occurrences awakens that data within the brain and our neshama includes them in trying to think it through, confused about where the thoughts and emotions are coming from – is this what she said or is this a projection? Is this how I look or is this an insecurity? We don’t even ask….we just react in many cases and then we have to clean it up later. Much damage happens in this way. The Infinite Light that is stored in the hashgacha pratis of the memory can go towards damaging or towards holiness depending on what we choose to think in the moment. Are we oriented towards feeling ourselves or are we oriented towards feeling Hashem’s Will that we turn to Torah learning, avoda, chesed, or mitzvahs?
This is the opportunity to form our eternal identity as a being that remembers Hashem while He is concealed. But how? In retrospect, we see it. And even when we are in a moment of teshuva or hisbodidus we may see it. But how in the moment can we stop our reaction and regulate our emotion so as to turn to do good?
Here are three examples from today:
If need be write a note down for cheshbon hanefesh for a quiet time. The more we understand what is going on within us, the quicker we may comprehend how the Infinite Light that comes through nature, Elokim, concealed is really knocking on our door to be brought into this world in a form that is Hashem’s Will, Torah, avoda, chesed, mitzvahs.
Emunah that Hashem is doing everything is step one.
Now comes love Hashem.
So many people ask how to feel love for Hashem when that can often feel quite remote in the moment, even feeling like the opposite, chas v’shalom, blaming Him.
Here is where our emunah comes into play! When we immediately realize that we are helpless and not in control, that He is giving us life force in this very moment, that He is our life, we submit with realization that our submission IS the beginning of opening to our true purpose of bringing Infinite Light into the world so that the world receive His Compassion and not be nullified by the Light. Our submission, then, is the fertile soil for the heavens to then rain down the blessings.
Loving our own life force is helpful and taking that to see that He is doing it gives us inspiration to be a master of our love and love Him from this place of helplessness and no control, rejecting all of the whisperings that tell us that we are in control and have to do this, whisperings that conceal from us that Hashem is doing everything. This is not to say that action is not needed. The point is submission out of emunah and with love for Hashem and a desire to bring the Infinite Light of what is happening naturally from a concealed place into a revealed mitzvah, chesed, prayer, or learning of Torah.
Malchus and Hashem’s Name Adni are associated. Master. Nothingness.
Adom before he ate had total consciousness of Hashem and did not ascribe to himself any independent will. It is only because of the eitz hadaas that this confusion began.
Please listen to these translations from Rabbi Asher Freund biography.
By being the master of our love for Hashem, and with emunah, we uplift the Infinite Light to Hashem and bring it into the world in Torah, avoda, chesed or a mitzvah. We give it expression for Hashem’s Will. When we recognize and serve Hashem, we are choosing to see ourselves from the spiritual atmosphere within that is a part of Him and our life force and to use it for Him. And He Who is doing everything comes into this world through our deeds.
What will be with us? Emunah.