Oh not this again, this hurts so much
I find myself once again in the slush.
What can I do to protect my essence
From ever having to re-live this experience?
I want to place a great divide
Between me and this so I may hide.
I want to live and feel alive
Without these feelings so in-stride.
I don’t care what else I have to give up.
Nothing is worse than this pit of glup.
I’ll do without
Forever if need be,
In order to avoid this
And to be truly free.
And so I set about a plan
That did indeed work for a span.
But then, because Hashem loves me so
He brought circumstances so that I would truly let go.
It was His Kindness that allowed me to grow
To heal and to strengthen before the next blow.
But because He has a plan
For each and every soul, His Clan,
He wants our lives to fulfill
The mission of doing His Will.
So first we must comprehend
That His Will is for us to apprehend
That He is all loving and does everything
Yet we are the messengers for the King.
He does not want that our mission be lost
Just because our feelings get tossed.
He wants us to see that He is in all
And is knocking at our door, but don’t fall!
Hashem has returned to me my soul
Today with faith that I will see the call!
If I open the message of pain
That hurts like a nerve in my brain,
And if I call out to Him from my heart
Understanding that such effort is my part,
That message of pain peels off revealing
A light that is simcha and healing.
I just need the stamina to know its not true
those messages that make me blue,
I just need to remember that He is One
And the essence is compassion,
That with my will I ask that instead
That compassion be able to come to my head.
And from there to my heart
So that I may impart
That compassion in a deed
Or a learning or prayer
and then His Light may shine everywhere.
How can I trust that indeed this is so?
Why should I let go of the coping I know?
Whoever taught that we are a door
Through which compassion may pour?
And why should I trust
When cry I feel I must
That the very pain I feel
Is the vehicle?
Just take a look at what we are
A breath is the difference between here and afar.
The body is meant to return to the dust
Yet what maintains it, asking is a must!
Surely we see there is much more to think
About our existence than just a blink.
If we look past our desires
and lift our eyes higher
we see there is One
A Creator of the sun.
And we see we are part
Of His Divine Will
He loves us forever
And does not stand still,
until we find our joy in Him
For that is what happens
when we reveal Him.
What is our objection to this vision?
The etz hadaas led us to confusion.
But embrace the truth with no shame
Each one of us is designed the same,
So that in recognizing the true One
We bring good here under the sun.
It may come in a package with pain
Like anger, fear, or even shame.
We may want to run and hide
But instead we reach inside.
And recognize the essence covered
And tell Hashem we have discovered
A spark of compassion trapped in mud
That we wish to use to reveal His love.
And with such emunah and resolve
We may proceed to bring good and dissolve
The messages that brought the pain
Fade into oblivion releasing the strain.
All knowing that we will once again be here
But now we understand not to fear
We do not have to run away
We do not have to go astray.
We cannot stop Hashem from bringing
our attention to the healing.
Because He loves us and we are One
He desires we bring good under the sun
a good that comes to us encased
In messages we wish to erase.
Thus we see how great is He
Who loves us unconditionally
Who believes in us and only asks
That we recognize the truth at last.
So please take heart
And comprehend our part.
Doing so will bring blessing you know
Not only to our heart but to the world – from our heart!