We are all human and that means that our natural will has a hidden pleasure to it that confuses us and gives us a choice from simply doing Hashem’s Will.
This is how Hashem designs us so that He has a way for His Infinite Light to come into this world without nullifying the world.
There is a part of our soul that transcends our body, in constant awareness of Hashem’s Love and the truth that all there is in the world is Hashem Who is doing everything. It experiences pleasure in that connection to Hashem because Hashem is all loving.
Hashem wants a world. Thus, He gives us a natural will and a drive to implement our natural will. Not only that, our construct is that the experience of the natural will and its frustration feels like we are being dragged over fiery coals!!!
Torah teaches us about this so that we may perform, more and more often, a run and return. When we run to Hashem rather than implement our natural will, urges and impulses – despite the compelling experience of these urges and impulses – that natural will, which is a vessel filled with Hashem’s Light, is pulled back and that Infinite Light is available to fill our actions and speech and thoughts – and come into the world through those vessels without nullifying the world.
As we experience the healing of our hearts more and more, our will to do this run and return grows. However, we are not able to stay there – our role is to fall again and again into our natural will and run and return. Torah teaches us this so that we do not get discouraged or feel inadequate.
Rabbi Brog explains this in a shiur on Shelach, where the spies thought that the giants saw them as grasshoppers
So many times our thinking is giving us faulty information that feels real and we believe it. What if we were more and more in the habit of run and return? What would happen?
The more we spot our “handshake” between our natural will (for example to be seen in a certain light, as Rabbi Brog suggests) and the light that fills that vessel, the more we see the opportunity to do a run and return and release the light itself from the way it has been deemed by Hashem to come into this world.
And the more we do the run and return, the more we heal our hearts, until we have a new natural, given as a gift from Hashem.
May we strive more and more to live according to the Will of Hashem, recognizing that, indeed, it is our true will as well.