Just as a ray of the sun shines into our world, so too Hashem designs a nefesh elokis and shines it into this world encased in a body. The immensity of a ray of light hewn from the Throne of Honor is beyond our comprehension. Its spiritual powers are emunah, taanug and ratzon, faith, pleasure and will. The pleasure that the nefesh elokis experiences includes delighting in the presence of Hashem and the joy – the spiritual pleasure of connection – when we do a mitzvah. These pleasures may not be felt in our physical reality.
The power of the pleasure that the nefesh elokis becomes enclothed within the power of will, and our will has become tainted due to the eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Thus, what the nefesh elokis seeks for pleasure may be frustrated by pleasure being re-directed by corrupted primal will towards self-image. What we run after, our ratzon, can bring us to the consciousness of Hashem or to self-consciousness. Our natural state is self-consciousness and each year we attempt to bring another pattern to consciousness of Hashem.
Knowing this design and the true pleasure – being one with Hashem’s Torah and compassion – helps us hold steady as the pleasure that is the inner part of our will expresses its self-interest. For example, let’s say we are hurt or offended and we rush to judgment and a retaliatory natural response – this is an amazing flow of kedusha only the “pleasure” is buried under messages of self-interest! Hashem is sending, in these challenges, kedusha. It can be experienced as pleasure from serving Hashem IF we recognize the opportunity when it is concealed by a decoy – a message of self-interest. The challenge is pregnant with kedusha. By recognizing it is kedusha from Hashem coming to us through a decoy message, we lovingly look upwards to Hashem and tell Him that we wish to use this kedusha for mitzvahs and compassion, not for the outcomes that the decoy self-interest messages are presenting. THIS TAKES GREAT EMUNAH AND CONFIDENCE THAT HASHEM IS DOING EVERYTHING.
Emunah is faith that all there is in the world is Hashem, Who is doing everything.
Bitachon is trusting that all He wants is for us to look upwards, confess and declare our sincere will to infuse a mitzvah with this kedusha, so that the light may flow into the world.
Ratzon, our will, means that we have the emunah to run to Him in this way. Teshuva, the returned kedusha, means we have the bitachon to trust that the light HAS been returned to Him and we are confident that a positive influence has been created. We do not know what this looks like but we comprehend that Hashem, when we are sincere, activates our nefesh elokis in a way that channels the kedusha to Him and receives the light for enclothing in thought speech or deeds.
May we comprehend how huge it is to be a nefesh elokis in a body even though our role is will, emunah, trust and mitzvahs. May we be able to hold the paradox of every fiber of our being as it receives the messages of the decoy and is poised to strike. May we realize that such challenges mean that our soul is in a vault and that we sincerely want our soul to be released from its constraints so that it truly fills our hearts and is expressed into the world. This takes comprehension of how Hashem has made us and trust that He is doing everything else except will to choose His Will, and love and awe of Him.
If only we could truly begin understanding ourselves as spiritual beings Hashem designs to do this repair – to bring this kedusha to Him – from the raw materials of our physical existence. Imagine how joyful our lives would be with such trust and a palpable sense of Hashem’s love.