When the projection of anochi blown through us by the Soton feels like it is us, we experience sadness and we begin to search for who is to blame. This thought trail brings condemnations and damages upon us as well as those we think of, even though the thinking may remain only internal. When we truly comprehend that absolutely everything is Hashem’s compassion cloaked in different garments – everything from solid, liquid, gas and radioactive – we begin to see that all there is in the world IS Hashem and that He is giving us opportunity to strengthen ourselves in emunah and shore up the holes in our vessels out of which the blessings of light that He is sending fall into the grip of the Soton.
While our judgments give us real information about ourselves, others, the way of the natural world and what Torah expects of us, what we do with that judgment makes all the difference. The key recognition that helps blessing come to the world is that there is a constant flow of blessing and light that seeks entry into the world through the channel of our mind and heart. Thank Hashem for consciousness, which is His that is given to us. Thank Hashem for our body, our circumstances and for the world, which are His, there for us to experience life. Hashem gives us consciousness and He gives us what He wants us to be conscious of. And then it is up to us.
Shall the light that is shining fall into the darkness through the holes in our vessel -our traumas, our unrectified characteristics? Or shall we strengthen our awareness of Hashem’s love with awe and hold steady as the images projected by the Soton course through our hearts, attempting to draw our consciousness and our soul towards its suggestions of condemnation and damage?
The light flowing to us is pure. Our interpretations are mixed with a sense of self-referencing that feels like the reality. Yet what we are experiencing is the Creator, not ourselves, because we have NO POWER. We have will. We have emunah. We have speech. These are Hashem’s powers that He invests within us and gives us access to use. Recognizing that there is No Other Power and generating love for Hashem with awe in how He is doing everything separates the messages that are being projected by the Soton from the light Hashem is sending. We desire to be that channel that brings light into the world through bowing. When we are, it is a gift from Hashem, a healing, a redemption of the Shechina in exile.
Nevermind that our judgment was right. Nevermind that we have sized someone up. These damage. Our role, if we see a lack, is to patiently find a way to help nurture the development of ourselves or another. There is a story from the Baal Shem Tov in kedushin. It is called a Pinch of Snuff.
This remarkable story gives us understanding into the light that each one of us receives but the amazing levels we may reach in directing that light, through prayer, to bring compassion into the world. The student who did teshuva never knew that he was rebuked by the Baal Shem Tov, and was only told after he did teshuva “on his own” of what had transpired.
As parents, siblings, children, teachers, employers – how can we learn the patience and the prayerfulness we see here to help us daven and trust Hashem? We start with one clear understanding. Hashem is doing everything and He only does good and He wants to give only good. Hashem gives us real free will to direct the consciousness and light that He sends through us. May we properly understand our true identity as channels through which light and blessing may flow and may we shore up our broken vessel – our immature binah – by associating it with awareness of Hashem, with love and awe.