Sometimes we are struggling with something, where we know what the way of light is but something holds us back…and not only does it hold us back, but something bursts forth from our mouth that we totally knew we should not say but “just could not contain ourselves?”
There is great benefit while we are alive in making an effort to see that Hashem’s Power is the only Power, and to see where the soul that He has given us has become connected to thoughts and patterns that have placed veils in front of our eyes. Without realizing it, we think we are the veils! When faced with the same struggle, we become confused regarding who the “real self” is, and feel it necessary to give voice and expression to the messages of our soul that are clinging to false beliefs that have formed in our natural way of developing. This is true for all of us, for we are all children before adults, all immature in our thinking before we advance. Ultimately, the goal is to move upward to the level of spiritual maturity that Hashem envisions for us. To do this, we have the gift of teshuva.
What happens when we realize that our soul is invested in something blinding us from awareness of Hashem’s love in that moment? We have the opportunity to move all of the positive Divine energy held captive in our aveiras, mistaken patterns, and character faults from clinging to the veil to clinging to awareness of Hashem and His Love for us.
When we make the effort while alive to remember that there is only Hashem and that every circumstance, emotion, thought, and trigger is Sourced only in His Will, we bring awareness that it is for our ultimate best…how is it good? Hashem wants us to bring awareness into the very place where we are clinging to a misconception WHILE WE ARE ALIVE. Thus, He uses din, judgment, to help us, to show us where we are blind to His Love, so that we can take the effortful yet simple step of saying Hashem I want to not want this. I recognize You, You the only Power, and instead of experiencing You from this place of pain because of my clinging to a veil something false, I ask that I feel Your love and mercy in this very place in my heart. Please, may the power You invest in the force of the veil that pulls me instead may that very same power be the force with which I connect to awareness of You in my heart.
By so doing, we are no longer associated with our misdoings from the past. We do not see them as us! Instead, we see ourselves as beings devoted to Hashem’s Will and to reflecting Him in this world.
This builds our eternity. This effort stands with us on the day of judgment. This effort helps us turn to Hashem and cling now and forever. May we truly understand and begin the wonderful journey of bringing awareness of Hashem into our very hearts.