When we are at our trigger point, we experience a lack, and that lack causes an instinctive sadness or frustration along with an urge to strike back in action or judgment.
Let’s break it down so that we may have more to work with to re-regulate ourselves and really choose our response rather than reacting in a way that may be hurtful or self-defeating.
The first instinct is anger or fear. This feels like being on fire.
Along with this anger comes our imagination, assessing the situation impulsively with varying degrees of incomplete Information ( we do not understand from Hashem’s perspective, and therefore falsehood abounds). Our thinking fuels the fire we are already experiencing, like a hurricane force wind blowing a wild fire to another area of our thinking and to every molecule of our body until we feel it everywhere. Each thought we think diverts the compassionate life force Hashem sends us every moment from its pristine desire to be revealed as compassion to being poured into this fire and evaporated into the darkness through the falseness.
To counteract, we use prayer, our speech, to begin to turn the wind into something more gentle.
“Hashem, I want to not want to feel what my urges and instincts draw me to feel, taking me towards running in the dark without truth. These urges and instincts are the survival response of the animal nature we have, that You design, and I understand the design. I understand that You are giving me opportunity to rise above this nature and in so doing, giving me opportunity to willingly participate in something only Hashem can do, which is to rectify my nature, specifically my animal nature and characteristics, to upgrade to something that will bring into my bodily urges and impulses holiness, the truth that everything You do is for our best. THANK YOU! “
“I am drawing water to quiet the urges and impulses now, with love for Hashem side by side with the urges. I am noticing and naming and describing the nature of the urges and impulses while loving Hashem because I ask that the holy life force swirling towards the subjectivity of my urges and impulses be restored to You, the Source of all life force, and restored to me so that I feel Your Love and mercy because that is what I wish to reveal. “
“I am feeling the urges and impulses in my heart now, like opening a bag, in Your Loving presence to mingle, like a spiritual magnet, love for Hashem and the awe in the design. Please draw the compassion that got diverted towards the body’s survival instinct back to truth and knowing there is No Other Power.”
“May my prayer and words and love be like wind making an effort to blow out the fire and like water extinguishing the fire, fire caused by false impressions that felt true that triggered survival instincts. “
“My help comes from You alone, I have no power other than the powers of will and emunah that You place in my soul. Please help me from Your Compassion to feel and reveal Your Compassion within my urges and impulses. I desire to have expanded awareness of You in the very place of these urges and impulses.”
The simcha that results is the experience of the yetzer tov being infused with recovered compassion, and is the experience of the yetzer tov connected cheek to cheek with Hashem, having momentarily nullified the animal instincts. This is our akeidas Yitzchak. We unify our inner being with Hashem Echad. Run and return.
Our yetzer tov is immensely larger than our animalistic urges, impulses and reactions, but what we feel are those limited reactions unless we have the emunah to upgrade. IT IS UP TO US TO TRY. Hashem Hu Elokim.