One insight that may help regarding why we hold onto our stories is that although painful, whatever falsehood in it was positively reinforced and, at the time of forming, was associated with the caregivers involved.
Even though the messages we tell ourselves may be so hurtful, they were set within us by living within the environment where our nurturing took place, the environment Hashem designed for our dependency needs to be met.
If it was broken then, at least we clung somehow with coping mechanisms and survived. And herein lies the ingrained reliance when we are now no longer in that originating environment. No matter what else was wrong, there was an originating family at the time when we were dependent and we needed them and whatever they did was the love we felt and internalized as love.
As we comprehend not only what happened but also the design of the spiritual work we, as a life force, are here to do, we can let go of the falsehoods and absorb the compassion those who were charged with nurturing us intended, even if the delivery by caregivers was inadequate, even if they were damaged too when young.
Our nefesh elokis can be redeemed from its confined place and our persona can properly reveal compassion. We can transform it all by willing to bring the forces involved into holiness and light. When we are willing to go beyond reason and understanding of our own reactions, that is participating in a G-d-like act because Hashem alone can go beyond nature. Yet when we will to, and He answers, our intention gives us the experience of having gone beyond nature, a G-d-like act, and THAT inoculates us from the bread of shame for all eternity, so that we experience our oneness with Hashem as bliss without shame of not being able to do what Hashem does in terms of being a giver.
Understand the power of love and awe to draw the positivity trapped in the darkness from where it is bonded and drawing us downward to where it may be absorbed and the source of light and blessing.