Understanding the challenge and opportunity of having grown up with complicated people

Those who grew up in homes with complicated parents have a natural reason and understanding that is filled with misconceptions which are invisible to the conscious mind.  A child who develops in an environment with misconceptions that are held dear by parents adopts the ideas as truth, naturally.

We are all to some degree raised with misconceptions.  A primary common misconception is that we have autonomous independent existence.  Torah teaches us that life is an experience of Hashem’s effluence within nature.  This confusion is the result of having eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Before Adom ate, the misconception was that Hashem wanted Adom to do something of his own initiative to serve Hashem.  The tilt to viewing himself as having some autonomous existence, some ability to defy Hashem’s will and continue to exist, is correctable.

The initiative we all must take is the willful push from relying on reason and understanding to relying on Hashem is One and only does good, which goes beyond reason and understanding, before we invoke reason and understanding.  The reason is that only when we are aware of the Oneness of Hashem and His Effluence within everything in the world do we have proper understanding.

When Hashem creates the world, everything comes into the world in an instant.  Hashem then sorts out the elements, from the coarsest which become inanimate, the coarser which become vegetables, the coarse which become animal, and the less coarse that become human.  It is up to us to use free will and speech to remove the remaining coarseness so that Hashem’s effluence and compassion can shine through into the world.

The amazing miracle of just being in the world is the result of the Creator.  He then sorts and builds out of the materials He creates.

By understanding this, we can come to understand that our awareness and will are together in life because we have bodies.  After we no longer have a body, our awareness folds back into the universal compassion of Hashem, only we have awareness. What awareness we build here while we have free will IS the awareness that we will have for all eternity.  The purpose of our life is to strengthen our emunah and thereby develop deeper awareness of Hashem.

Those who grew up with complications have more spiritual material to affect on their journey.  It is important to see the commonality within those with complicated childhoods – there are certain threads involving defensiveness, sensitivity, lashing out, feeling hurt, and more.  Rabbi Mendel Kessin says that the feeling of inadequacy, of seeing something that is more that is unattainable, is the root of every emotional problem.  It is incumbent upon us, then, to find a resolution for the feelings of inadequacy.  Why?  As long as we do not address the cause, our soul – through the natural pursuit of reason and understanding- is “fed” to the forces of darkness.  We have, if you will, a connection to the darkness through which the voice of the forces of negativity are spoken.  And we all know what those forces of negativity say, all to well.  You are no good, he is no good, life stinks, etc.  Why are we willing to lend our souls to enhance the volume of these messages – because they are the result of reason and understanding?  Really?  Are they not a blemish on our true personality of being made in His Image?

Where does our power lie?  What initiative are we intended to make?

The power that we have is to break through the darkness by loving Hashem and having awe of Hashem to go beyond reason and understanding to cry out to Him and ask that we may feel His Love and Mercy which is covered over within us.  We tell Hashem that we do not want the outcome of our reason and understanding.  We do want all of the spiritual potential to reveal His Effluence, compassion, instead.  We thank Hashem for the opportunity of bringing our “complication” that conceals the presence of His Effluence to Him.  We return the package with ownership of the spiritual material and ask that the lost sense of compassion be restored to us.

May we understand how healing this can be for our nervous system. May we deeply embrace the work of taking time to cry out.  May we feel the shift within our shaking, frightened, angry, depressed reactions.  And may the grinding of the dross into purified compassion bring a new light to the world.

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