How can we get our bearings when upset and take that crucial first step towards mindfulness?

When something triggers us, what actually is happening and how can we get our bearings?


Imagine a scene.  Someone says something and it is insulting, accusing, disrespectful or whatever we perceive.  Perhaps they raised their voice.  Perhaps they overlooked something kind we did.  There are as many scenarios as there are people times seconds in a day.


Our hearts leap.  We feel unsteady.  We don’t know what exactly we feel but we are ready and set to say SOMETHING.


Let’s slow motion this reaction.  Our hearts leap.  Something in our heart recognized something in what was said in a way that is painful.


As soon as the power of that reaction is present, we immediately begin to search for a judgment or an explanation that makes sense.  Yet what is going to make sense to us is what we find from our past experiences much more often than what is actually the truth of what has happened.

For example, someone can say “no,” without really explaining and we supply an interpretation to that “no” that may not be true. It is likely that our interpretation might be a fulfilling of a false belief about ourselves.  We experience it as real.  And even if we check it out and we are given a different explanation, we have still reinforced in our hearts’ experiences an association between those false beliefs and the “no.”

It is like looking up a word in the dictionary to see if it is a word to find that it is not a word, but not remembering the next time that it is not a word.  We remember we looked it up.  We don’t remember whether it was a word or not.  The truth escapes our memory in favor of our hopes or fears.


Our reaction has now placed us in a feeling experience and it is happening in our bodies.  Whether or not it actually happened as we imagine does not change that we are experiencing it.  It is truly happening in our physical makeup.


Let’s say we intellectually know that it is not happening.  Even then, our physicality can experience it as true.  What is going on?


There is a battle going on in our subconscious mind.  Is the reaction based on our pattern of beliefs of being an autonomous, independent physical being ruling our hearts?  Or is our heart ruled by Hashem, the King?


If we can stop and take a breath and ask ourselves this important question – who is king over my heart, my self-consciousness or Hashem – then that is the beginning of mindfulness.


We then have the option of choosing to submit to Hashem. That is, if we have not already reacted and said the hurtful retort that our self-conscious thinking naturally feels and suggests.


The power of our experience is a part of our soul, a Divine energy, the creative flow, compassion, that is hidden within a falsehood.  The task is to bring that compassion from where it is buried to be revealed.

Do we take the time to examine and understand our patterns to find our false beliefs and patterns so that we are able to see them as such and not as our essence?


Do we truly yearn to experience the greatest pleasure a person can experience, which is the pleasure of relationship with Hashem through emulating His love?


Invitation for women on a journey to deepen our emunah and mindfulness.

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Rav Dror – Finding the light within – Awakening yourself and others

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