The two highest emotions of our higher soul are love for Hashem and awe/fear of Hashem. At the highest part of our soul, there is complete awareness that all there is in the world is Hashem and that He is the only Being that is actually alive, despite the experience He is giving us through our mortal opportunity of consciousness. We have said this before.
This love for Hashem is not felt in our mortal existence, having fallen purposefully into this world in order to both give us an experience of what living is and to use the temporary lifetime to make choices to experience eternal joy in connecting to Hashem. We have real free will. When we consciously choose to contemplate on Hashem and feel love in our mortal hearts for Hashem, we are acknowledging the absolute truth. It is no coincidence that our physical bodies then produce a hormone called oxitoxin, which turns off our stress responses. Seemingly, there is some type of restoration or connection to our highest soul that is beneficial not only to us but in a way of creating a positive influence as well.
But what about the reality that Hashem is the only value? In the most real sense, it will never be that there is anything but Hashem. He Is One. He is giving us an experience of being like Him and of being with Him. But we cannot have an experience ever of being Hashem Who is the only value, the only Being with eternal value. This is the real truth, This is the basis for awe of Hashem, that we experience life but we are not the Being that is actually alive. When this emotion of awe falls into this world where we are not aware of the truth or of our awe of Hashem in a natural way because He is hidden, it projects into our lives as anxieties and fears and negativity.
And yet, that searching drive to be valuable and meaningful motivates us from birth. Even when we are babies, our cries must be answered by our parents in order for us to develop healthfully. A baby needs to feel that someone cares, that the baby is taken care of, loved and cherished. From the patience and compassion of the parents, the baby develops the ability to regulate emotion and to field stress. Ultimately, the searching desire wakes up to the reality that its needs are not being met from the physical world but only through Hashem’s guidance of the physical world, through Hashem Himself.
The very best thing we can do for another person is to give them a sense of being loved and being valued. It is pure oxygen, since these two emotions are confused from their pure state by being in this physical world where Hashem is hidden. In many cases, we are brought up with negative messages about the most fundamental experience of emotions we have as vulnerable and dependent children – that our feelings do not matter and neither do we. Sadly, a great deal of a child’s lifeforce can become trapped in behavior patterns devised for the recovery of perceived loss of love and value. In such cases, the behavior patterns might be demanding, or otherwise triggering to another. Thus giving love and value to such a person can be very hard to do, because the one we are dealing with does not evoke a feeling of love and does not behave in a manner that we might judge as having real value. When a person works on their own growth, and when a person seeks to reveal love and kingship of Hashem over natural judgments and emotions, the choice to give of love and value to that other person can be healing.
Let’s take a look at what might be behind someone being hard to deal with.
From what we said above, the most likely explanation is that the person is seeking through coping mechanisms and negative behavioral patterns the love and value that the person does not experience.
What is in the way?
Hashem has made that person in His Image, just as He makes every person.
Hashem is the Being that is actually alive and giving that person an experience of life, so Hashem values that person.
Nevertheless something within us may hold back our giving love and value to another.
Perhaps it feels as though if we give love and value to that other person, then we will be erased, that somehow our love for ourselves or our love from Hashem, or our value in our eyes or another’s eyes will be diminished.
And where might that belief stem from?
It could be that, in that moment, we are fallen in our own love and awe of Hashem.
So, instead of going in circles with this, what is the way out?
Look at living plants. They grow, provide a function, and then they wither and die.
What is our value? It is the spiritual function that we are capable of revealing into this world, which is to reveal Hashem’s Love and glory. We have that value whether or not we exercise or choose it. Because Hashem gives us this functional ability, and because we are created every moment by Hashem with His Love, there is no such thing as not having value. Everything matters. Everyone matters.
Otherwise Hashem would not be placing them in the world.
The reality that despite our circumstances we matter in the same way – in potential to reveal Hashem’s lovingkindness and Kingship – unifies us in being able to give love and value to others. After all, we are now all on the same team, trying to perform the function of revealing Hashem’s love and Kingship into the world despite all the obstructions that are the circumstances of our lives.
When we place our trust at all times in Hashem, the obstructions that might keep us from revealing His Love, and thereby giving love and value to each other, efface, submitting to the truth.
We matter because we have the emotional potential to reveal Hashem’s love and Kingship. We can hold space and be patient with each other even those who might have difficult obstructions like confusion about where their value comes from, perhaps favoring ego and power over revealing Hashem’s love and Kingship. We are okay because we are aware of Hashem, His Oneness, and of our spiritual connection to Him through our real free will.
And may we grow in seeing how we make a difference when we reveal Hashem’s love into the world rather than our natural responses. May we grow in our ability to be patient and hold space for those who are lashing out whenever they have a perception that someone has insulted them or worse. And may we have inner calm of knowing we are okay and beloved in Hashem’s eyes.
And may the teshuva that we do in our efforts to remember this be a merit for Klal Yisrael.