Monthly Archives: February 2018

Our soul has two parts that are outside our body, the surrounding love of Hashem that gives us life and the point of unity

When I look back on how I made choices before I began learning Torah and working on my unrectified characteristics, I see now that what looked good and right to my heart and body was the basis for which way I went.  For me, self-interest was even an upgrade to the negativity that ran me.  At least I had a measure for whether I was “taking care of myself” and taking positive steps.  At least I began choosing in favor of my own survival, on whatever level that I could determine my survival depended.


Invisible to me at that time in my younger years were the ways the unconscious and subconscious impulses came out in my actions and speech.  Although I began learning about thought speech and deeds being our garments many years ago, until I realized recently and saw for myself that the corruptions in my character traits really did express themselves without my even knowing it, I did not fully understand what it means that our thoughts speech and deeds are our garments.  Our thoughts speech and deeds are the product of how our thinking flows into emotion and outward into the world.  When there are unrectified characteristics providing impulses that our mind receives as perceptions from the outside world, rather than seeing they are from our external internality, our shell, our animalistic nature, these unrectified characteristics come out in the very foundation of our lives, in the area of the briss and the area of our speech. 


What I knew about myself without knowing what exactly the matter was is that when I spoke something went terribly wrong in how it was received by others.  I did not understand at all why I was being perceived in a way that that I did not intend, nor did I understand why I could not be seen for who I believed myself to be, the way my ego wished to be perceived.


Hashem then proceeded to send workshop after workshop, giving me “in the trenches” experience to develop self-knowledge about the process of my thinking.  This has been many years, decades, of introspection.  The layers of understanding meet quite a bit of resistance when we attempt to investigate and make different choices.


The good news is the joy we feel when we come to see and solve our personal riddle.  The vessel that our thinking is created to be, with all its distortions, is the same vessel through which we are able to draw healing light into the world when we have strong will to want only Hashem and not the packing material inside that vessel that grew so strong and immediate within the neurology of our mind, thanks to the animal soul.  With free will and emunah we can withstand the temptation to go for the false beliefs, the packing material, of our unconscious and subconscious mind in favor of Hashem’s Will, Torah and attributes of mercy.  All we want is Hashem.


When we are experiencing negative emotions, nervousness, anxiety, anger, or fear, we are “triggered” by the “packing material” that naturally formed our thinking.  All our coping mechanisms, false beliefs, and deceptive rationalizations contain spiritual potential that is fighting to be expressed in our garments, fighting our higher soul that wishes to remain aware of Hashem’s lovingkindness and Oneness and Eternal value, fighting to receive nourishment from our very life force and bring an expression from the side of impurity into the world.  It has behind it the forces of nature, of the part of our soul that has its foot caught in a coping mechanism and has to serve something false because nature and the yetzer hara are the way Hashem has given us life in a body.  Although the intent of the yetzer hara is evil and destructive, its purpose is for us to pass its test, not succumb to its horrifying and naturally felt imagery.


Mistakenly, we believe we are upset because of something that happened, because of something someone said or didn’t say, etc.  And that indeed may be what our perception is reporting to us.


Our energetic response, no matter what, is 100 percent in our control to make an effort to be directed by our mind through free will for connection/re-connection to feeling Hashem’s lovingkindness (through our imagination that builds one thing out of another, when we remember that love itself is a creation made by Hashem which He gives to us and surrounds us with) and for yearning for Hashem to be with us here in this world (there is only one soul that has ever been made and that soul is filled with Hashem’s breath and is at all times connected through Hashem’s breath to Him, even though we may see only the physical self and not experience the holiness of being tethered to Hashem through His Utterances).


Our lifetime is to have a relationship with Hashem where we use free will and emunah to recognize at all times that He is the Source of everything, of every occurrence, of every person, of every item.  When we stand before Him in hisbodidus and declare the obstructions in the way of our experiencing a feeling of being loved or of being valued, and the incredible negativity that accompanies those lacks, surely we can see that there is tremendous spiritual energy swirling, at stake.  Which way shall we send that spiritual energy – toward physicality and dissipate it into nothingness or toward something kadosh, a mitzvah or an improvement in lovingkindness or mercy?


The process of seeing the opportunity and making a significant prayer IS effort that Hashem sees as the fulfillment of the relationship He instructs us to have with His Name.  It is up to us to see our huge automatic negative responses as amazingly strong constructs available to feel and transform our natural emotional responses into Torah regulated behaviors.  Self-control builds self-respect.  Self-respect is nullifying our egoistic interpretations and finding that our animal soul understands the pleasure of submitting to Hashem’s will and then happily submitting.  This microscopic effort is a circumcision of the heart that Hashem awaits so that He may remove the false self-interest which confuses us regarding where survival comes from.  When we serve Hashem for His Sake and not for our sake, we merit tremendous reward.




Whatever our unique expression is after that is the way we bring healing and light into the world.  Each of us is built to understand that lovingkindness is the root of our relationship with Hashem. We are here to serve Him as vessels loyal to the commandments, even to the outermost level of our physical bodies,  comprehending in our hearts the greater pleasure it is to do Hashem’s will over our natural urges.


The more we know about how our thinking turns us towards physicality and why, the more the use of our free will can help us make informed choices to simply do the commandments because Hashem instructs us to.  It is not robotic.  There is no way really to turn our heart into a healthy robot.  We can suppress our emotions and block our hearts, but that is not going to help us fulfill the commandments with beauty and positive intention. 


The body and heart may then realize that it is best for us as well as for all the world for us to pour our hearts out to Hashem –feeling small and beloved in His Eyes.  In that state of unconditional love and acceptance of our feelings, we may then receive in our mind’s whisper a pasuk or something else from the Torah we have learned.   We can then choose to follow it, regulating our behavior according to Torah and Hashem’s Will.  This may take tremendous will power and effort, but when we desire Hashem as all we want, He helps. And somehow, everything calms down and straightens out.  That is because Hashem is real, all powerful, all loving, the only Being that is alive, and the only Being with any power.


May we deeply understand the purpose of our subjectivity and free will and take our next step in serving Hashem in the moment and may our constant although not necessarily conscious longing for Him be answered with yes.













More thank you’s – improving character and connecting to eternity

  1. Thank you for loved ones who I know love me
  2. Thank you for my insecurities that come to be healed by my seeing how they play out even when I know they have to be false and how that does not really affect the reality of my feeling them.
  3. Thank you for helping me see that without Torah I would have been drawn into saying and doing things that would have been damaging to myself and those I love, as I used to do without realizing it
  4. Thank you for giving me another opportunity to see how natural survival instincts get triggered when we don’t get what we want,an understanding that I am finally getting enough clarity about to really make a difference in how I choose.
  5. Thank you for helping me connect again and again that when we don’t get what we want, the frustration triggers aggression in us automatically.
  6. Thank you for helping me see that when my aggression is triggered, it is self directed with name calling and shaming and fear because that was my early experience as a child.
  7. Thank you for the shiurim that explain that the aggression followed by self directed negativity parallels the process of the yetzer hara, to tempt us and then to accuse us.
  8. Thank you for helping me know with certainty that I have value because You make me every second and to therefore understand that my aggressive natural survival instinct disconnected my heart from the truth that survival depends only on You and placed me in need of reconnecting my heart to truth, to Your love, value and protection.
  9. Thank you for the creation of love itself that is Your root characteristic that in this moment of insecurity I long for and feel disconnected from.
  10. Thank you for shiurim that teach that when we are disconnected from feeling love, it is only the emotion of love from which we are disconnected and not from the true reality of Hashem’s constant love.
  11. Thank you for the times I have already remembered this and experienced relief because as soon as I love Hashem for creating love itself which I do not feel, I become involved again with Hashem’s root characteristic of love and feel once again the emotion of love, although not from the outside place the lack appeared, but rather from the yearning of the spirit for the awareness of love as constant and unconditional that shattered when we ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil
  12. Thank you that I was not left only with the feelings of negativity that would have tripped me and overwhelmed my heart but that I had more consciousness about the battle for my heart and what Torah instructs us to do.
  13. Thank you that in hisbodidus I have seen myself in this type of struggle enough to know that it stems from a feeling of threat of lack of love and the fear of an assault on my value by the external source.
  14. Thank you for the journaling that I learned to help me organize my insights from hisbodidus so that I am familiar with how my negative thinking is my unique version of the two things we actually are lacking, which are a) awareness of Hashem’s constant unconditional eternal love and b) the humbling awareness that we are at all times connected to Hashem yet we cannot be as kind, powerful, eternal or creative as Hashem, which obviously limits us and our value.
  15. Thank you for the books and shiurim that have awakened me to the true reality that our life is a battle for our life force.
  16. Thank you for helping me find ways to remember that I wish for my life force to choose towards what is kadosh and eternal and away from the negativity that pulls our spiritual energy towards it to dissipate our spiritual energy into physicality, mortality and death.
  17. Thank you for the real life workshop that this battle takes place despite what we know and feel about others loving us and that the intensity of the battle is there for us to open the actual elements of our physical existence to create channels for Hashem to shine through to these unrectified obstructions that conceal His Everpresent and unconditional love flowing through every atom of our physicality as well as spiritual and yearning conscious self.
  18. Thank you for helping me see that the natural survival instinct of wanting (our will), frustration (lacking love) and aggression (attempt to restore value we feel we lost by lack of love) are the unrectified obstructions to doing Hashem’s will, loving Hashem’ lovingkindness and being aware of it as we were in gan eden, and yearning to just be with Hashem .
  19. Thank you for helping me stay calm when I was triggered today and for the outcomes that showed that the trigger I feared never even happened, that it was just my own inner battle for my heart, and that even though I knew it while it was happening, that did not stop the battle rom ensuing and that the reason is that I was given an opportunity to interact with earthy elements of fire (anger or fear), water (desire or passions), wind (honor, speaking lashon hara), and earth (sadness, laziness) and that was Hashem’s will, that I participate in this situation in order to draw more light into these unrectified characteristics within myself, affecting my speech and deeds, and thereby hopefully creating a positive influence in the spiritual realms.
  20. Thank you that I understand more and more how important it is to acknowledge the value of those around me and their contributions so as to bolster their efforts to do battle when they are caught in a whirlwind battle for their hearts by natural survival instincts.
  21. Thank you for my life and for these opportunities to do Your Will in this way.
  22. Thank you for Shabbos.
  23. Thank you that I ate healthfully.
  24. Thank you for the lovely visit of family.
  25. Thank you that all my needs for Shabbos and for life are provided for so generously.
  26. Thank you for having more interest in overcoming laziness regarding food and exercise.
  27. Thank you for adorable grandchildren.
  28. Thank you for car chargers
  29. Thank you for gedolim that advise people in very tough situations regarding Hashem’s will and how to handle matters so that kind, gentle people are not taken advantage of.
  30. Thank you for baby pictures that remind grown children of happy memories.
  31. Thank you for my parents, may they rest in peace.
  32. Thank you that by working on myself I am able to make helpful corrections
  33. Thank you that all my body functions work.
  34. Thank you that my husband could unstop the sink after Shabbos
  35. Thank you for the opportunity to see how the survival instincts and people’s natural reactions do not have to knock us out of connection with Hashem but rather help us help others process their momentariy lapses.
  36. Thank you for three year olds who ask for a banana and who begin screaming because you open it for them when they wanted to open it themselves and then proceed to cry and throw a tantrum.
  37. Thank you for all the above wisdom so that I knew to say over what happened, that you wanted a banana and I gave it to you not knowing you wanted to open it and I opened it, and that is so frustrating that you are crying and crying but please know I didn’t do it on purpose, I love you and the banana is still a yummy banana.
  38. Thank you for three year old who listen and say mommy hold me, calm down and then eat the banana.
  39. Thank you for bananas.
  40. Thank you for one year olds that learn to say hold me.
  41. Thank you for one year olds that follow you around like a shadow interested in copying everything you do.
  42. Thank you that the one year old found the Claritin and the bandaids and didn’t eat the Claritin but only opened the whole box of bandaids before her brother told on her
  43. Thank you for bird feeders that provide beautiful entertaining wood peckers, bluejays and cardinals to look at.
  44. Thank you for imagination with which we can go on a pretend bear hunt and visit all different types of places and have picnics and rides even on Shabbos.
  45. Thank you for 9 grain challah
  46. Thank you for dips.
  47. Thank you for cherry tomatoes.
  48. Thank you for avocados
  49. Thank you for zemiros.
  50. Thank you for plastic coverings for tables so the mess gets wrapped up and thrown out one two three.
  51. Thank you for insulated glass windows.
  52. Thank you for naps.
  53. Thank you for realizing that all of what You create is so that we may take the life force You give us and make sure we connect it to You, the only Being that has eternal value, through the constant mitzvah of Ahavas Hashem each moment, using free will and real time opportunities to affect the heavens by going towards connection to Your Will rather than by going further into disconnection after false sense of where survival comes from.
  54. Thank you for being Ever Present
  55. Thank you for being All Loving
  56. Thank you for being All Powerful.
  57. Thank you for thinking me up and speaking into existence my life and circumstances
  58. Thank you for the realization that eternally, we are our consciousness
  59. Thank you for giving us the gift of speech with which we pray to You and form spiritual beings, hopefully positive ones, to lead us in the path we wish to go, to be a vessel that reveals You through removing obstructions within our physicality that make our beings more translucent, reflecting You and Your Will into the world.
  60. Thank you for a working heart.
  61. Thank you for eyes.
  62. Thank you for a mind.
  63. Thank you for all my limbs and organs.
  64. Thank you for air.
  65. Thank you for blankets.
  66. Thank you for peace.
  67. Thank you for quiet.
  68. Thank you for being able to properly understand life and not being reactive and trapped in natural survival instincts.
  69. Thank you for all the steps that have brought me here, despite the pain they brought me.
  70. Thank you for the hope that one day I may be able to reach ein od milvado consciousness.
  71. Thank you for giving me a Jewish soul, loving heart, speech for prayer and hisbodidus and the commandments so that  I may be a vessel to bring bracha to the world.
  72. Thank you that I did not overeat today
  73. Thank you that I see how to forgive the people who hurt me, even though repeated bouts of anger show that either I have not fully forgiven them or that You wish for me to go through the process of forgiving them again and again.
  74. Thank you for refrigeration.
  75. Thank you for storage containers.
  76. Thank you for lids for coffee cups to go.
  77. Thank you for almond milk
  78. Thank you for baking soda that removes cheese from the frying pan which otherwise looks like it became part of the pan forever.
  79. Thank you for washing machines.
  80. Thank you for dryers.
  81. Thank you for cookies.
  82. Thank you for chocolate.
  83. Thank you for gasoline.
  84. Thank you for vans.
  85. Thank you for car seats.
  86. Thank you for baby dolls.
  87. Thank you for stockings.
  88. Thank you for storage devices to help organize data.
  89. Thank you for the challenge to unify the energies (male and female) of the world, unifying the soul of all physicality with the wisdom and love that creates it through our acknowledging and recognizing that Hashem is One.
  90. Thank you for giving us life with the imperfections of lack of awareness of Your Love and the lack of being able to ever attain the value that is Hashem, Eternal, Lovingkind, All powerful, so that we have the opportunity to see and acknowledge You and thereby build eternal consciousness out of this mortal lifespan.
  91. Thank you for hisbodidus and journaling that help to accept what the ego is for and how to invest our consciousness.
  92. Thank you for helping me more and more understand rather than misunderstand matters when the survival instincts of people crash into each other.
  93. Thank you for bread.
  94. Thank you for mitzvahs and Your Name.
  95. Thank you for the upcoming holiday of Purim and all the joy of Adar we are about to experience
  96. Thank you for bringing to mind the immediacy of cleaning and preparation for the time of our redemption, may we see the geula this Pesach.
  97. Thank you for giving us shiurim and learning to help us latch on more and more to emunah
  98. Thank you for giving every heart an opening and free will to bring in more light.
  99. Thank you for everything that is going to happen this week, may it also appear good in our eyes and hearts.
  100. Thank you for the symphony of Torah true languages that reinforce and strengthen our emunah as we see their commonality rather than differences.

Today’s 100 thank you’s

  1. Thank you for four year old grandchild
  2. Thank you for power struggles
  3. Thank you for losing power struggles to a four year old
  4. Thank you for frustrating my wish to show the three year old the two year old the one year old and the baby how to play together nicely by losing the power struggle to a four year old
  5. Thank you for colorful balls.
  6. Thank you for the roly poly game that I wanted to show how to share with.
  7. Thank you for the challenging “grab” statement my four year old made demanding that I switch balls
  8. Thank you for my not reacting angrily to the four year old and instead saying that we are using it right now and the four year old is welcome to join us
  9. Thank you for my not acting out the frustration I felt when the four year old stood in the middle of the game and declared intention not to budge until I switched balls.
  10. Thank you for the wherewithal to say no we are not switching balls but you can join us, we love you and want you to play.
  11. Thank you for the challenge of the child’s frustration in not getting what the child wants and continued obstruction of the plan I had to show how to play together nicely.
  12. Thank you for helping me say that the child is very powerful and that is really something but there is something even more powerful than knocking things down, and that is building Simcha.
  13. Thank you that that the lesson I intended collapsed and the four others did not really receive the benefit of what I wished to show and instead saw something else.
  14. Thank you for helping me see why this was good, so that I could re-experience what it was like to want something and not receive it and have the loving parent figure assert their will over mine.
  15. Thank you for helping me wonder if perhaps I should have just switched the ball.
  16. Thank you for helping me see that it was okay to say no, I am playing with it, because it is okay to say no and that I did not have to feel threatened with a temper tantrum and thereby avoid it by giving in first.
  17. Thank you for helping me re-live the blame and condemnations I felt when I frustrated a parent’s will when I was young
  18. Thank you for putting me in touch with that inner part of a young child that wants to please the parent who appears like Hashem in the child’s life and whose opinion and treatment of the child forms the child’s own beliefs about herself.
  19. Thank you for helping me understand why not getting what we want brings on a frustration and an aggression that is part of our natural makeup, grownups included.
  20. Thank you for helping me desire to instead bring my unfulfilled wants to Hashem’s Will, feeling small and beloved in His Arms, and instead of becoming aggressive, see my role as facilitating the child’s being able to release frustration properly.
  21. Thank you for in the moment offering for the child to perhaps scramble eggs if the child is frustrated with my saying no.
  22. Thank you for putting in my mind to tell the child that I felt upset because I was trying to show everyone how to play nicely and what happened was like getting a tower I built knocked down.
  23. Thank you that the child apologized.
  24. Thank you that I see how my innermost penimius got attached to faulty images of myself.
  25. Thank you for hearing my prayers that I regret all the mistakes I have made because of these faulty images and that instead I choose for my inner penimius to just be with Hashem by being a vessel to reveal Hashem’s compassion.
  26. Thank you for helping me start by being understanding of my own inner child that has been tortured by these images for wanting anything.
  27. Thank you for helping me see how to say no with a proper understanding of the frustration it will cause and how to help with that.
  28. Thank you for the confidence that it is okay to say no without feeling like I am selfish or did not share and that the demanding party is correct and I am the one to blame.
  29. Thank you for helping me see how power is wielded by making a request that puts another person in this conundrum between feeling selfish and having a good enough reason to say no.
  30. Thank you for helping me see how this is the beginning of conflicts and how there is no real resolution for it without the absolute truth of Torah to go by.
  31. Thank you for showing me why people who learn how to fight and assert their point of view very young have been a challenge for me my whole life.
  32. Thank you for helping me let go of judgments about that but rather see how knowing how to assert one’s view is one thing and knowing when to assert it is another.
  33. Thank you for showing me how to bring Hashem back into the picture even if asserting a “no” is necessary by remaining loving and caring and sensitive to the feelings and experience of the other and trying to help them get through their reaction, assuming that what I have asserted is proper and for the ultimate good according to Torah.
  34. Thank you for giving me time and the opportunity to redo so much of the friction points that formed so many years ago when I was so young.
  35. Thank you for placing me in situations where my emotional upsets give me opportunity to do teshuva and to reach upwards with requests that all my previous errors be healed and turned into mitzvahs because now I see.
  36. Thank you for helping me find ways to teach the babies why not to hurt each other in a way that they can hear.
  37. Thank you for raising in my mind the question about whether learning how to fight and fight back has its place at all.
  38. Thank you for helping me remember that everything first has to be told to Hashem before we act at all.
  39. Thank you for giving me opportunity to see how my mistakes deeply affected others.
  40. Thank you for helping me stop doing these “innocent” things understanding how it triggers others.
  41. Thank you for letting me know that others see the changes that I am making and that softens past mistakes.
  42. Thank you for being able to talk to You and to tell You all that I feel and ask that my errors be corrected and healed so that those who were affected should be strengthened instead of hurt by my mistakes.
  43. Thank you for helping me find that the gematria of the amount the stock market dropped and regained, 567, is the gematria for Moshiach Ben Yosef.
  44. Thank you for helping me find that the gematria of the amount the stock market went down 1175 and then regained 567, leaving a gap of 608, that gematria, 608 is the gematria of Moshiach son of David will come amen.
  45. Thank you that I can do teshuva and correct myself and come closer to You while I have free will.
  46. Thank you that I see that I am giving in too much to being sedentary
  47. Thank you for helping me realize that it is the yetzer hara and it is not really what I want
  48. Thank you for helping me see that I am giving up by listening to the yetzer hara and to daven instead to Hashem for protection.
  49. Thank you that I got moving today a little more
  50. Thank you Hashem that I felt like I could still do what I know is healthy.
  51. Thank you Hashem for every ounce of good health that I enjoy.
  52. Thank you that my thumb is really feeling so much better after three quarters of a year of a stress injury, may it heal completely
  53. Thank you that I have not over eaten today
  54. Thank you that it is raining and not snowing.
  55. Thank you that I recognize how easy it is to slip into being self-focused on subjective topics that are not even good for me
  56. Thank you for helping me see that it is deception about where my love and value come from, so that the yetzer hara can suckle off my life force with a simple kickback to my heart of comfort/laziness as a payoff
  57. Thank you for the understanding that absolutely everything that happens every second can be returned to You.
  58. Thank you for the understanding of how to get on top of our pervasive moods and beliefs, by remembering our primary service is to be a pipeline reflecting Your compassion into the world.
  59. Thank you for these thank you’s so that I can review my thinking when consciousness fades.
  60. Thank you for showing me that there are people who actually do appreciate what I share so that the idea of how my struggles might have meaning beyond my own life.
  61. Thank you for all the stability in my life.
  62. Thank you for the nice warm home
  63. Thank you for showing me that video on kangoo shoes, it looks like a lot of fun, even for seniors who are brave enough I wonder?
  64. Thank you for shots that help babies, even though they get temperature from it and cry.
  65. Thank you to Rabbi Tzvi Dov Slanger, OBM, whose funeral was today, who benefitted my family through the yeshiva and his loving interest. BDE
  66. Thank you for the month of Shevat, filled with yahrtzeits and intellectual challenges to purify during shovavim
  67. Thank you for the breakthroughs in understanding anger and how locked up anger forms distorted images of oneself.
  68. Thank you for helping me feel that anger and for all the learning so that I could ask You to please bring the compassion animating the anger back to yearning to be with You.
  69. Thank you for helping me shed the obstructions in my thinking due to images and false beliefs frustrating my will and generating the aggressive anger against myself and others.
  70. Thank you for helping me feel how the anger really is associated with something external and ultimately not my inner penimius.
  71. Thank you that I truly believe that I am made in Your Image and have the mission to reflect You in this world and that my kavod is my potential to do that even if I have much more to go.
  72. Thank you re-filling in my mind and heart, in the place of false beliefs, an easier more fluid, loving thought process that is more and more natural.
  73. Thank you for the sound of rain outside my window, so relaxing and safe in here.
  74. Thank you for computers that work
  75. Thank you for every penny we have.
  76. Thank you for looking after my family every day and keeping them safe and on track.
  77. Thank you for the song you are so beautiful to me by Joe Cocker that I sing to the kinderlach to help them regulate their feelings when they are upset or need to go to sleep. You are so beautiful to me, can’t you see, you are everything I hope for, you’re everything I need, You are so beautiful to me. Such Joy and happiness you bring. Such joy and happiness you bring. Like a dream.  A guiding light that shines in the night, Heavens gift to me. You are so beautiful to me
  78. Thank you for the video of Rabbi Ovadia Yosef greeting Rabbi Shalom Arush, what love we can show from Hashem
  79. Thank you for giving me the continuing belief that love is a greater power than the power of destruction
  80. Thank you Hashem for being all loving and all present
  81. Thank you Hashem for giving me the yearning to connect through loving You to be with You, that my heart should serve You and my deeds reflect You.
  82. Thank you for immune boosters like elderberry and garlic that help my body stay healthy
  83. Thank you for reminders that it is my obligation to keep my health as much as is in my control.
  84. Thank you for the understanding of why those who see the movie Ghost cry when the penny comes to her “for love”, for it may represent trust that the love we are all yearning for is there, Hashem loving us constantly.
  85. Thank you for the Bilvavi who explains how when we make a genuine bracha, it becomes a means of transferring sheaf of Hashem upon creation, allowing us to serve as a vital pipeline, through love of Hashem and His love in return.
  86. Thank you for the many tools of technology that make it possible for me to learn and to share and to grow with teachers and chaverusas I would otherwise never meet.
  87. Thank you for hearing from the media clips on gratitude messages that help me really see how all roads emerge from Hashem Echad and how to utilize confidence in that to restore love and value despite the storms that seek to confuse us.
  88. Thank you for the sweetener truvia, a stevia extract, that makes it possible to have worry free sweet tea.
  89. Thank you for my granddaughter’s six month birthday.
  90. Thank you for the memory of my mother as her yahrtzeit approaches this Fri 24 Shevat, who was as honest and thrifty and fun-loving as they come.
  91. Thank you for helping me set boundaries and explain myself without feeling that I have offended someone or been inappropriate or selfish.
  92. Thank you for helping me see how distortions affected how I pursued happiness and why those pursuits did not produce the desired results
  93. Thank you for working washer/dryer
  94. Thank you that the temporary fix to the doorknob is holding until I have time to really fix it.
  95. Thank you for my chiropractor who told me to rub turmeric onto the area of the thumb and wrist that hurt…it really helps the inflammation.
  96. Thank you for peace and quiet.
  97. Thank you for the promise of peace with the coming of Moshiach.
  98. Thank you for the understanding that life is temporary and that just as no one realizes this every moment, so too we may not realize that this world is temporary too.
  99. Thank you Hashem for all of Creation.
  100. Thank you Hashem for giving me life, for sustaining my life and the life of my family, for the kavod of being alive, and for the amazing opportunity to hang out with something of You here in Your Creation, may I give you nachas ruach.


A hundred thank you’s for life – from the perspective of emunah

What is my lifetime and struggling for?  Do I see my adverse reactions as terrible?  Or do I see them as moments to love Hashem for the experience of life for my life itself – a time period where He gives me the opportunity to recognize that He is behind everything and that, by recognizing Him wth love, my lifetime vitality is tethered to an eternal identity cuddled in His Embrace.  This is calming while we are alive, when we have emunah, yearning only to reveal His Compassion over my natural reactions so as to walk through this life with Him, for His Love then enters and heals our hearts.

Being alive, having consciousness, means that we are experiencing the natural world that is running through the auspices of the yetzer hara, the evil inclination that conceals Hashem’s presence from being seen, with obstacles and image that lead us to subjective concerns and childish painful responses in order to give us real free will.  Although the intent of the yetzer hara is evil and destructive, the purpose Hashem has in creating the yetzer hara is to give us life and opportunity to build eternal life, earning our eternity.

The yetzer hara, truly dedicated to our destruction, does not really want us to fail the test, for that would mean its own spiritual force would remain in the physical world and dissipate.  Instead, the spark of Hashem that vitalizes  the yetzer hara IS the spiritual material that through our choice to love Hashem yields a unification of our soul and His Name for which we are granted eternal life and inner peace in this world.

When we properly understand our lifetime and in the moment we make choices from emunah to love Hashem and cling, we restore calmness and experience simcha, and we see the dissolving –  including the forgetting of the circumstances – of what had triggered us with pain.  Often the matter becomes healed in physicality a well.

Perhaps we have an inkling of what it may mean to wipe out the memory of Amalek.


  1. Thank you that I felt angry
  2. Thank you that I realized it and did not say anything before considering what was happening
  3. Thank you that I recognized how the pain was coming from an image of the yetzer hara
  4. Thank you for the balancing image that this was a snake bite and a test
  5. Thank you for opening up for me why I got triggered
  6. Thank you for helping me see that long ago when I was shamed and blamed and ridiculed as a child, my natural sense of honor and esteem went underground and that this triggered moment is sent to help me with that.
  7. Thank you for giving me the reading on Purim from Rabbi Moshe Shapiro that taught me about the yetzer hara having an evil malevolent dedicated intent to destroy but its purpose is to give us eternal life when we pass our test
  8. Thank you for the past few years where I have felt more and more connected to You that I do not want anything to interfere with that, even that huge angry moment
  9. Thank you for helping me develop awareness that real value is Hashem, Who is real, consistent and existing across time.
  10. Thank you for helping me use the life force, the honorable tzelem elokim, that You give me to connect myself to real value, Hashem, by remembering that these tests are to help us properly choose and build eternal identity.
  11. Thank you that no one knew how angry I felt.
  12. Thank you that I remembered to pray to You in the moment, doing teshuva on past failures when I listened to the yetzer hara’s imagery and said and did things that negatively affected others even though I thought I was helping.
  13. Thank you for accepting my request that all past failures be forgiven and that my teshuva be a merit for klal Yisrael.
  14. Thank you for asking that my teshuva take power away from the forces of darkness which operate in the world and hurt people
  15. Thank you for amazing technology that provides means of communication
  16. Thank you for helping me realize that compassion and creativity can have many obstructions over them but that they exist because these are Your qualities.
  17. Thank you for creating love
  18. Thank you for helping me see how to connect to You by loving You, the Creator of Love and thereby restore consciousness to a positive place.
  19. Thank you for amazing kosher stores that remind me of how the Yidden walked through the Red Sea, with all their need provided in the “aisles” of the walls of the sea.
  20. Thank you that when I tripped today nothing happened and that I could get up
  21. Thank you for the drop in the stock market that reminds me that You alone determined on Rosh Hashana what we have.
  22. Thank you for the horrific video of the disgusting murder of an innocent person so that I could cry and do teshuva for times where my subjective childish urges plundered my life force into the forces of darkness.
  23. Thank you for confusing messages from friends so that I can see my own broken record coping mechanisms and their false images and make different choices knowing the images are false although feeling real.
  24. Thank you for ridiculous news stories that tout not only that diets don’t work but eat whatever you want so that you don’t feel deprived and overeat so that I realize how clearly we are falling into the hands of the logic of our animal soul, and thereby for the opportunity to beg Hashem for geula before our soul is totally cast to physicality and tuma.
  25. Thank you for insults that help me realize that the stronger the insult and humiliation, the more life force is hidden there to be reconnected to Your service.
  26. Thank you for eyes that work even though cataracts are starting.
  27. Thank you for my thumb finally not hurting all the time.
  28. Thank you for the people in whom I see my faults so that I can more easily understand myself and grow.
  29. Thank you for showing me that once I unify my soul, the pain of the images of the yetzer hara cannot even be remembered – all that is left is a greater sense of being cuddled in Your arms
  30. Thank you for a brain that, even though it is a bad neighborhood, the honor You bestow upon us with life gives it logic and education that helps improve the inner climate a great deal.
  31. Thank you for fingers to type
  32. Thank you for every penny.
  33. Thank you for every atom of my body that is working and pain free.
  34. Thank you for my car, gas, and knowing where the keys are.
  35. Thank you for helping me see how my mistakes impact others so that I can stop.
  36. Thank you for helping me stop and do teshuva on these mistakes
  37. Thank you for please forgiving me and turning all my mistakes into mitzvahs, I hope.
  38. Thank you for seeing I am sincere and am coming to be purified, may my sincerity and request be pleasing to You.
  39. Thank you breath
  40. Thank you for grandchildren
  41. Thank you for sons and daughters in law
  42. Thank you for my husband
  43. Thank you for regular climate
  44. Thank you for being able to give charity
  45. Thank you for being able to help my family
  46. Thank you for helping me see that other’s opinions of me are none of my business but rather a function of their coping mechanisms and challenges with the yetzer hara’s images
  47. Thank you for calorie free natural drinks like herbal tea and bai five
  48. Thank you for scissors to cut nails.
  49. Thank you for light bulbs
  50. Thank you for protection from the elements
  51. Thank you for not giving up on me
  52. Thank you for giving motivation to grow
  53. Thank you for helping me see through my deceiver so that I can take apart the obstructions that prevent me from reflecting You in this world
  54. Thank you for the great Torah scholars who I read in English and whose thinking is with me in the moment
  55. Thank you for protecting me even though I have many obstructions that might frustrate You.
  56. Thank you for helping me understand why when I fail my test I get a potch, that the yetzer hara’s purpose is frustrated and life force falls to the wrong side that I alone had the free wil choice to bring to kadosh and failed.
  57. Thank you for more chances to rectify.
  58. Thank you for life itself
  59. Thank you for hearing my cry today
  60. Thank you for answering me with clarity and calm
  61. Thank you for the delicious salmon wrap
  62. Thank you for indoor plumbing
  63. Thank you for toilet paper
  64. Thank you for pillows
  65. Thank you for healing herbs and spices
  66. Thank you for quiet and space.
  67. Thank you for the opportunity to do mitzvahs
  68. Thank you for the symphony of shiurim that discuss a concept in different ways so that together, an orchestra of Torah helps arouse love for Hashem.
  69. Thank you for wanting to have a relationship with me
  70. Thank you for giving me a chance to give You nachas
  71. Thank you for prayer books to cling to.
  72. Thank you for helping me see mortality and realizing that lifetimes end and that time is valuable.
  73. Thank you for listening to my struggles and teshuva and letting me know that I am heard and forgiven.
  74. Thank you for being present in my heart
  75. Thank you for being more present In my heart.
  76. Thank you for good dreams
  77. Thank you for an understanding of how complete faith brings Simcha.
  78. Thank you for helping me realize that I am not alone.
  79. Thank you for helping me realize that I matter to You.
  80. Thank you for reminding me that taking care of my health is my responsibility.
  81. Thank you for helping me open the steam valve on judgments so that I can be more like You
  82. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to see how pervasive jealousy, desire and honor are right from the beginning of our lives, babies wanting the same toy, wanting to be held and favored
  83. Thank you for helping me accept rather than judge and condemn that jealous or desirous or honor seeking condition so that the work of bringing that koach into Your Service is more and more clear.
  84. Thank you for giving me enough motivation and awareness so that I do not fall totally into physicality.
  85. Thank you for joyful moments
  86. Thank you for enlightened moments
  87. Thank you for insightful moments
  88. Thank you for grateful moments
  89. Thank you for meaningful moments where the work of removing obstructions either solid, liquid, gas or radioactive elements then reflects Your compassion and creativity into the world, may Your Glory be seen by all
  90. Thank you for nourishment
  91. Thank you for blood that runs through us.
  92. Thank you for a working heart and lungs
  93. Thank you for vital organs
  94. Thank you for working limbs
  95. Thank you for the five senses
  96. Thank you for surrounding me with everything I need
  97. Thank you for relief from much of where I was damaged
  98. Thank you for the shame of realizing all my mistakes and confessing and regretting my mistakes, may I learn from them and only give You nachas
  99. Thank you for helping me despite myself.
  100. Thank you for the promise of Moshiach may we be zocheh to see Him speedily

Guarding our lives so that our spiritual energy does not dissipate into physicality and darkness

Hashem gives us a life force, a soul, for the period of our lifetime.  It has an animalistic component regarding our physicality and a holy component regarding being made in Hashem’s image and likeness.  We are created with two basic flaws.  Firstly, although we can emulate Hashem’s kindness, it is not possible for us to be kind like Hashem, creating worlds, thinking things into existence, and giving life to the world.  Hashem is the true Power and the only value and by aligning with Him we have a value in the potential to emulate Him, regardless of whether we do or not.  Every moment of life has value because Hashem deems us the life and therefore He values our being alive.  That is the basis for our value.  But it is not the same as being Hashem by far.  Secondly, we no longer have conscious awareness of Hashem’s unconditionally loving presence.  We do not sense or feel naturally that we are surrounded by and filled by Hashem’s lovingkindness.  These two lacks give us free will.  With free will, we are able to build eternal life as well as joyful life in this world.

What gets in our way?  Obviously we are far from feeling happy every moment.

As part of free will, Hashem gives us a real sensory felt alternative to Torah truths about Hashem and the relationship He wants with us.   How do we navigate through our compelling and often painful experiences of loss or hurt, which Torah teaches us means that we are in the grips of something false because everything Hashem does is good.  We are not instructed to suppress what we feel or perceive.  We are instructed to investigate where our line of thinking has something that is not true according to Torah and then to make a repair.  That effort IS the purpose for why we are given life, to fix something that only we can fix, and to bring Hashem’s truth and Torah to shine from that place itself.  Doing so brings all the spiritual koach from both the matter presenting negatively and the compassion that animates it back into the service of Hashem.  Here are the steps.

1. Say the false belief out loud until you hear the falseness and then answer. Saying it out loud brings it from its place of reactivity in our natural brain to the speech center where we can think about it through the lens of Torah.


2.The two true unconscious impulses of how we are lacking love (lost consciousness of Hashem’s love) or value (we are jealous of Hashem’s chesed and want to be like Him and can’t have that same value) crash into the situation unconsciously feeling true because they are yet we see a personalized image that comes to my mind with a negative message about me.  What is that personalized image?


3.I believe that image of me and am stuck in that thought because I don’t yet see how the true unconscious impulse of how we are lacking  love or value ended up crashing me into disempowerment by attracting my soul to cling to images of jealousy, desire and honor as true. Here are the thoughts related to the disempowerment in the hopes that I may discern how the vulnerability from the impulse clings searching for how to naturally survive based on the  images being designed by the yetzer hara with messages of  jealousy, lusts or craving for honor.


4.How did yearning to be kind like Hashem or the absence of feeling Hashem’s love turn into believable images and thoughts that disempower me – where specifically are those thoughts rooted from within my natural survival thinking, development and coping mechanisms?


5 Survival depends on Hashem alone so the deeper false belief, or its analysis,  if any, relates to natural survival instincts which misleadingly tell me my survival depends on something or someone external to me and my relationship to Hashem, namely what?


Once we see how external our thinking is from the real internal struggle to reconnect to Hashem’s love and to yearn to be with His Value as Kindness, then we realize that even though our thinking is internal, it IS external from our soul that is made in Hashem’s Image.  Now we can see the futility of giving our life force, our holy soul, over to the suggestions that come out of our natural thinking.  Instead, we discern a true way to reconnect to Hashem’s love and value and we calm down.  We need emunah to do this.  We grow in emunah when we make this effort.  We come to see and feel Hashem’s constant presence and love for us as our burdens are lifted by our sincere request to purify ourselves from the images that naturally come out of the impulses.

May we each make our efforts in this regard and joyfully use our real free will to shine real love and value into the world over the otherwise negatively rooted desiring emotions.