Thank you for my insecurities that come to be healed by my seeing how they play out even when I know they have to be false and how that does not really affect the reality of my feeling them.
Thank you for helping me see that without Torah I would have been drawn into saying and doing things that would have been damaging to myself and those I love, as I used to do without realizing it
Thank you for giving me another opportunity to see how natural survival instincts get triggered when we don’t get what we want,an understanding that I am finally getting enough clarity about to really make a difference in how I choose.
Thank you for helping me connect again and again that when we don’t get what we want, the frustration triggers aggression in us automatically.
Thank you for helping me see that when my aggression is triggered, it is self directed with name calling and shaming and fear because that was my early experience as a child.
Thank you for the shiurim that explain that the aggression followed by self directed negativity parallels the process of the yetzer hara, to tempt us and then to accuse us.
Thank you for helping me know with certainty that I have value because You make me every second and to therefore understand that my aggressive natural survival instinct disconnected my heart from the truth that survival depends only on You and placed me in need of reconnecting my heart to truth, to Your love, value and protection.
Thank you for the creation of love itself that is Your root characteristic that in this moment of insecurity I long for and feel disconnected from.
Thank you for shiurim that teach that when we are disconnected from feeling love, it is only the emotion of love from which we are disconnected and not from the true reality of Hashem’s constant love.
Thank you for the times I have already remembered this and experienced relief because as soon as I love Hashem for creating love itself which I do not feel, I become involved again with Hashem’s root characteristic of love and feel once again the emotion of love, although not from the outside place the lack appeared, but rather from the yearning of the spirit for the awareness of love as constant and unconditional that shattered when we ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil
Thank you that I was not left only with the feelings of negativity that would have tripped me and overwhelmed my heart but that I had more consciousness about the battle for my heart and what Torah instructs us to do.
Thank you that in hisbodidus I have seen myself in this type of struggle enough to know that it stems from a feeling of threat of lack of love and the fear of an assault on my value by the external source.
Thank you for the journaling that I learned to help me organize my insights from hisbodidus so that I am familiar with how my negative thinking is my unique version of the two things we actually are lacking, which are a) awareness of Hashem’s constant unconditional eternal love and b) the humbling awareness that we are at all times connected to Hashem yet we cannot be as kind, powerful, eternal or creative as Hashem, which obviously limits us and our value.
Thank you for the books and shiurim that have awakened me to the true reality that our life is a battle for our life force.
Thank you for helping me find ways to remember that I wish for my life force to choose towards what is kadosh and eternal and away from the negativity that pulls our spiritual energy towards it to dissipate our spiritual energy into physicality, mortality and death.
Thank you for the real life workshop that this battle takes place despite what we know and feel about others loving us and that the intensity of the battle is there for us to open the actual elements of our physical existence to create channels for Hashem to shine through to these unrectified obstructions that conceal His Everpresent and unconditional love flowing through every atom of our physicality as well as spiritual and yearning conscious self.
Thank you for helping me see that the natural survival instinct of wanting (our will), frustration (lacking love) and aggression (attempt to restore value we feel we lost by lack of love) are the unrectified obstructions to doing Hashem’s will, loving Hashem’ lovingkindness and being aware of it as we were in gan eden, and yearning to just be with Hashem .
Thank you for helping me stay calm when I was triggered today and for the outcomes that showed that the trigger I feared never even happened, that it was just my own inner battle for my heart, and that even though I knew it while it was happening, that did not stop the battle rom ensuing and that the reason is that I was given an opportunity to interact with earthy elements of fire (anger or fear), water (desire or passions), wind (honor, speaking lashon hara), and earth (sadness, laziness) and that was Hashem’s will, that I participate in this situation in order to draw more light into these unrectified characteristics within myself, affecting my speech and deeds, and thereby hopefully creating a positive influence in the spiritual realms.
Thank you that I understand more and more how important it is to acknowledge the value of those around me and their contributions so as to bolster their efforts to do battle when they are caught in a whirlwind battle for their hearts by natural survival instincts.
Thank you for my life and for these opportunities to do Your Will in this way.
Thank you for Shabbos.
Thank you that I ate healthfully.
Thank you for the lovely visit of family.
Thank you that all my needs for Shabbos and for life are provided for so generously.
Thank you for having more interest in overcoming laziness regarding food and exercise.
Thank you for adorable grandchildren.
Thank you for car chargers
Thank you for gedolim that advise people in very tough situations regarding Hashem’s will and how to handle matters so that kind, gentle people are not taken advantage of.
Thank you for baby pictures that remind grown children of happy memories.
Thank you for my parents, may they rest in peace.
Thank you that by working on myself I am able to make helpful corrections
Thank you that all my body functions work.
Thank you that my husband could unstop the sink after Shabbos
Thank you for the opportunity to see how the survival instincts and people’s natural reactions do not have to knock us out of connection with Hashem but rather help us help others process their momentariy lapses.
Thank you for three year olds who ask for a banana and who begin screaming because you open it for them when they wanted to open it themselves and then proceed to cry and throw a tantrum.
Thank you for all the above wisdom so that I knew to say over what happened, that you wanted a banana and I gave it to you not knowing you wanted to open it and I opened it, and that is so frustrating that you are crying and crying but please know I didn’t do it on purpose, I love you and the banana is still a yummy banana.
Thank you for three year old who listen and say mommy hold me, calm down and then eat the banana.
Thank you for bananas.
Thank you for one year olds that learn to say hold me.
Thank you for one year olds that follow you around like a shadow interested in copying everything you do.
Thank you that the one year old found the Claritin and the bandaids and didn’t eat the Claritin but only opened the whole box of bandaids before her brother told on her
Thank you for bird feeders that provide beautiful entertaining wood peckers, bluejays and cardinals to look at.
Thank you for imagination with which we can go on a pretend bear hunt and visit all different types of places and have picnics and rides even on Shabbos.
Thank you for 9 grain challah
Thank you for dips.
Thank you for cherry tomatoes.
Thank you for avocados
Thank you for zemiros.
Thank you for plastic coverings for tables so the mess gets wrapped up and thrown out one two three.
Thank you for insulated glass windows.
Thank you for naps.
Thank you for realizing that all of what You create is so that we may take the life force You give us and make sure we connect it to You, the only Being that has eternal value, through the constant mitzvah of Ahavas Hashem each moment, using free will and real time opportunities to affect the heavens by going towards connection to Your Will rather than by going further into disconnection after false sense of where survival comes from.
Thank you for being Ever Present
Thank you for being All Loving
Thank you for being All Powerful.
Thank you for thinking me up and speaking into existence my life and circumstances
Thank you for the realization that eternally, we are our consciousness
Thank you for giving us the gift of speech with which we pray to You and form spiritual beings, hopefully positive ones, to lead us in the path we wish to go, to be a vessel that reveals You through removing obstructions within our physicality that make our beings more translucent, reflecting You and Your Will into the world.
Thank you for a working heart.
Thank you for eyes.
Thank you for a mind.
Thank you for all my limbs and organs.
Thank you for air.
Thank you for blankets.
Thank you for peace.
Thank you for quiet.
Thank you for being able to properly understand life and not being reactive and trapped in natural survival instincts.
Thank you for all the steps that have brought me here, despite the pain they brought me.
Thank you for the hope that one day I may be able to reach ein od milvado consciousness.
Thank you for giving me a Jewish soul, loving heart, speech for prayer and hisbodidus and the commandments so that I may be a vessel to bring bracha to the world.
Thank you that I did not overeat today
Thank you that I see how to forgive the people who hurt me, even though repeated bouts of anger show that either I have not fully forgiven them or that You wish for me to go through the process of forgiving them again and again.
Thank you for refrigeration.
Thank you for storage containers.
Thank you for lids for coffee cups to go.
Thank you for almond milk
Thank you for baking soda that removes cheese from the frying pan which otherwise looks like it became part of the pan forever.
Thank you for washing machines.
Thank you for dryers.
Thank you for cookies.
Thank you for chocolate.
Thank you for gasoline.
Thank you for vans.
Thank you for car seats.
Thank you for baby dolls.
Thank you for stockings.
Thank you for storage devices to help organize data.
Thank you for the challenge to unify the energies (male and female) of the world, unifying the soul of all physicality with the wisdom and love that creates it through our acknowledging and recognizing that Hashem is One.
Thank you for giving us life with the imperfections of lack of awareness of Your Love and the lack of being able to ever attain the value that is Hashem, Eternal, Lovingkind, All powerful, so that we have the opportunity to see and acknowledge You and thereby build eternal consciousness out of this mortal lifespan.
Thank you for hisbodidus and journaling that help to accept what the ego is for and how to invest our consciousness.
Thank you for helping me more and more understand rather than misunderstand matters when the survival instincts of people crash into each other.
Thank you for bread.
Thank you for mitzvahs and Your Name.
Thank you for the upcoming holiday of Purim and all the joy of Adar we are about to experience
Thank you for bringing to mind the immediacy of cleaning and preparation for the time of our redemption, may we see the geula this Pesach.
Thank you for giving us shiurim and learning to help us latch on more and more to emunah
Thank you for giving every heart an opening and free will to bring in more light.
Thank you for everything that is going to happen this week, may it also appear good in our eyes and hearts.
Thank you for the symphony of Torah true languages that reinforce and strengthen our emunah as we see their commonality rather than differences.
We are a manifestation of Hashem's Divine Creative Energy