Our basic design is made imperfect by Hashem, Who creates us lacking in two areas. From these two areas, our unconscious impulses naturally draw us to our survival instincts, unaware that it is beyond our nature to satisfy.
Nevertheless, our desirous animalistic instincts begin their pursuit. These two areas we pursue for satisfaction from the material world are respect and love. Unfortunately, it is not possible to fulfill these drives from the material world. And that is the design Hashem intends, so that we turn to Him, Who IS able to fulfill both a sense of love and giving love as well as a sense of meaning and value.
How are we created lacking in the area of value?
Although Hashem made us in His Image and breathed a soul into us that has the capacity to become holy, we do NOT have the capacity to become Hashem, obviously. This inherent and huge gap leaves a longing within us. Our soul constantly yearns to be unified with Hashem.
How are we created lacking in the area of love?
When Adom was in Gan Eden, his awareness and experience of Hashem’s total lovingkindness was clear. After being expelled from Gan Eden because of having eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, awareness and experience of Hashem’s total lovingkindness became confounded by concern for our mortal existence and all the concerns of our daily life. We put ourselves in the center and lost clarity about Hashem’s constant lovingkindness because we view it through the lens of our individual existence, which confuses us.
When we are in a negative experience, if we understand ourselves well enough and take a breath before reacting, we may be able to find where we got drawn across the line from connection to Hashem’s lovingkindness to disconnection and pain. The impulse triggering the disconnect may be either a lack of feeling loved, a lack of receiving proper respect or honor, or a mixture thereof. When we are experiencing the impulse, and we consider the words and actions of others who may have brought us to that place, or when we consider the dire circumstances in which we find ourselves, do we also say to ourselves – so and so thinks that is okay to do? That is what passes for adequate in the eyes of …my boss, the hospital, the school, etc. And then we are in the grips of responding in kind, no different from what we often see in a two year old who sees someone take a toy and then tries to do the same. That same jealousy, if we do not spot it for what it is, brings us deeper into the darkness and identifying with the forces of darkness.
What can we do? It happens to all of us. It is our natural makeup. Are we to live in a supernatural way? How can we be expected NOT to react this way?
When we understand that our imperfection is there for us to create an eternal identity, we can develop confidence that our impulse and energy to go into the darkness is nothing more than a compassionate part of our soul that has learned over the years to be practical and powerful according to the forces that appear to work in time and space. When we have confidence that within what we are experiencing as pain is a part of our own soul that wishes to have its sentence commuted from darkness so that it can once again be connected to Hashem as the soul yearns to do, we have the strength to move forward with emunah and gratitude, to unify our soul, to harmonize the apparent opposites and experience the joy that results from doing so. Once we have the experiential understanding of what it feels like to be connected again to the lovingkindness of Hashem and His Will, to be in its flow of chesed, to feel the expansion in our inner world which is housed by our body, our perspective facilitates our ability to move our hearts back into the hands of the designer ready to do Hashem’s will.
Where has the natural lack of love and value affected me, that I feel so negative?
Thank you Hashem for showing me a part of my soul that got trapped within natural logic and coping mechanisms. Please redeem my soul from the grips of it. I do not want my soul confined in this way but rather to serve You. It is my choice. Please help.
The confidence that we need to have is to know with clarity that it is a far greater power and joy to be a franchise of Hashem’s Will rather than a competitive startup!! And never worry about the circumstances that began the impulses – the matter was designed for us to find our trapped soul and, once we make the correction, the One Who designs makes a new design. It is important to comprehend what is our role and what is His. In this way, whatever happens, as long as we are serving Hashem, can bring us inner calm and joy. We are not in control of the outcomes in time and space. We are given these matters to build eternal identity. We do this when we see our lackings and return our trapped soul to serve as it yearns to, for connection to Hashem – the All Loving and only Being with any value -while in time and space.
Confidence comes from experiencing the joy of doing this.