Two skills from Rebbetzin Heller to help us when we feel judgmental

The will of the higher part of our soul is only to reveal Hashem’s 13 attributes of mercy and Torah in thought speech and deed.


The will of the lower part of our soul that is connected to the physical body and organs has no ability on its own to see that Hashem is the only Being that exists.


Once in a body, the lower soul is designed to think that it exists on its own.  This is due to the amazing way that Hashem gives us free will, by hiding from the part of our soul that descends into the body any way of sensing or perceiving Hashem directly, in a proved way.


If we learn Torah, we can weave these wills together by breaking into our body the emunah of the higher soul.


What stands in the way are the confusion of mind that is natural to being alive, distant from Hashem, where Hashem is hidden.  What adds to that confusion of mind, adding layers of concealment, are the associations we may have developed due to abuse, trauma, neglect, or disaster.  Our imagination becomes even more contorted than just confused because of layers of emotion or unrectified characteristics that we do not see in ourselves.


Nevertheless,  Hashem gives us a way to cry out to Him, to have mercy on us, so that we can ask Him to please unify  our will and our soul because our deepest desire is to reveal Him, to serve Him, to emulate Him, to fulfill the Torah and mitzvahs.  The time to move into this crying out is when we feel judgmental of ourselves or others, with a negative emotional charge that is painful to us or hurtful if we express it to another.


These are a few notes from Rebbetzin Heller’s Jewish workshop community shiur given October 31 2017 regarding the skills we need to stay grounded when we feel judgmental.  We all make judgments.  How do we keep our balance?  Rebbetzin Heller suggests two skills.


I am living for Hashem, to aggrandize Him, not myself.  I will hold back self defense and do for Him, not to get credit.

I have to keep growing.  Don’t have to look at other’s faults. Keep my focus on my own aspirations. And stay silent, with emunah, connected to Hashem (not constricted and silent)

The more silence, the more we grow.  But it has to be a silence that is giving permission to not think about what is limited.  I have to focus on the other person’s own goodness.  If I do that, then they may find their own goodness and pull themselves out. (end of notes. For more information on Rebbetzin Heller’s community contact


May we find being a person who yearns to be like this something that our higher and lower wills agree on and may Hashem help us so that His Light may be revealed in our thoughts, speech and deeds.

3 thoughts on “Two skills from Rebbetzin Heller to help us when we feel judgmental”

  1. Amen! Thank you!
    What does it means, Shuli, to stay silent, with emunah, connected to Hashem, but not constricted and silent? Do you have an exampel?

    1. Rebbetzin Heller gave an example. She said something to the effect, as I understand it, of – if we see someone’s fault, don’t say, Okay I am staying silent but really she is a … Instead of having a condemnation like that, which is a negative charge, instead say Okay I am staying silent and holding space, I see much good here and perhaps that will help her find the good in herself, which then could help her grow.

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