The topic is red hot. Anger. Fear. Something is NOT RIGHT!!!!
Fill in the blank – surely we all have this experience in our lives, where we feel powerless, we feel vulnerable to losing something, and we feel there is injustice or cruelty or evil.
I am guessing that everyone reading this has something in mind, but in case you don’t yet, stop and try to remember a time when you were in pain saying …something is not right here, this is broken, a terrible injustice.
That precious part that is crying out – it feels like us, like the real me, mortal, vulnerable, victimized, unfaired against, oppressed….
And it may actually be the truth, that the circumstances stink, that there is a real threat to taking from us something we love or value.
But we are saying to ourselves “something is not right.”
SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT!!!
Keep saying it until you see the problem with saying to ourselves that something is not right.
Do you know?
Everything that happens is coming from only one return address. Hashem understands what is going on and everything Hashem does is for our very best.
Yes we may be losing something. Yes we may be in terrible straits. We may not understand what is good in what we are going through.
It is how quickly we connect our hearts to it with “something is not right” though that is increasing our pain.
As soon as our survival is at stake, our natural “me (animal soul)” rather than “self (eternal soul)” begins investigating the matter and seeking counsel. And which inclination is the first advisor to our animal soul? The yetzer hara, the Soton, has dominion over the natural world. Hashem gives it the power to run things including to be the wisdom we find through our survival instincts from deep in our unconscious and subconscious mind.
Ever see a two year old throw a tantrum when you tell them no? Where did the toddler learn to lay down on the floor and kick and scream uncontrollably? We as parents don’t model it. And it is “natural”. We are seeing the effect of being “plugged into” the “good” advice given by the natural part of us. Just yell and scream and the squeaky wheel will get the oil.
I want it, I have good judgment, you are not giving it to me, something is wrong, I feel angry or upset, disrespected or insulted, depressed, hateful, vengeful….I think you get the idea.
Now for the big question.
Which one is it?
Do we believe that everything Hashem does is for the good or do we believe that something is not right?
If we believe that everything Hashem does is for the good, and we are in such terrible pain, and we WANT to believe that everything Hashem does is for the good, then the next step is passionately to arouse in the same heart that is suffering a deep love for Hashem. Into the atmosphere of love that we create, speak out loud and tell Hashem something is not right, something feels not right, but I know this is from you and I can’t let go of what is drawing my soul to it like a magnet, that I am clinging against my will to something is not right when I know that everything You do is for the good. I have no vessel to hold that this is good…I get knocked over and drawn instead to something is not right but I don’t want any of the outcomes that come from believing and clinging to something is not right. Every pathway there is deficient and I feel so stuck. On the merit of my crying out to You Hashem, please have mercy on my soul and help me instead to cling to everything Hashem does is good, even if I lose what I am afraid I will lose here. I wish to use the part of my soul that is drawn automatically to something is not right to instead reveal Your 13 attributes of mercy. Please I wish to return the spiritual strength of what is deficient to proper avodas Hashem because I love You Hashem.
And now comes the hardest part. WE HAVE TO STRIVE FOR TRUTH to get passed our deceiving messages and beliefs, designed to keep us good customers of the yetzer hara. Now comes the confession and regret, taking ownership for the soul’s clinging to deficiency.
I see the pattern here. It goes back very far. I have never really wanted to see that my soul, which feels so justified, is really clinging to the advice of the yetzer hara. So many times in my life, I have listened and now I see why the outcomes of listening to this pattern have really never worked out. I admit it. I am embarrassed and ashamed that I did not have the strength of character to be truthful with myself before this and see that I, by thinking something is not right, with such conviction, made myself vulnerable to listening to advice from the yetzer hara. I thought I was doing what was necessary to survive or even to help! But now I see that my heart attached to the wrong inclination and that came out in my actions, despite my well-meaning intentions. Please forgive me and please may this teshuva be acceptable to You. Please help me create a better vessel in my heart so that the “good” advice of the yetzer hara can roll right by without my heart falling like a teenager in love with its messages.
Please help me to be steady and patient, consistent, and loving of Hashe so that I may enroll the strength of all my soul to do Hashem’s will. And please may my teshuva be a merit for klal Yisrael that we may all benefit from any added light that may come into the world. And may we all be able to reveal You more and more in this world.
So, when something is not right, it is not OUTSIDE of us that needs the fixing. What happened outside is given so we can find INSIDE of us what we need to bring into avodas Hashem with love. Our survival is in Hashem’s hands alone, He alone gives us love, He alone cares for us, and He alone protects us, despite the way He may send people or circumstances in the process of doing so.
He is the only Being that is actually alive. We have consciousness through which we sense life. Let’s use consciousness as He intends us to use it, to passionately love Hashem, to then prayerfully speak to Him – asking that He bring the sparks of holiness hidden in the depths of our “me” nature from the darkness back to His Infinite Light.
The passionate love for Him and the creative power of speech extract the animating holy spark hidden in a husk of otherwise emptiness. The result is a transformation of spiritual energy that builds us into better vessels to serve Hashem and affects the elements of the world’s capacity to reveal Hashem’s light.
Hashem wants us to desire our relationship with Him more than we desire the apparently lacking subject. Hashem wants us to know there is no other Source for the fulfillment of our desires. He Creates us to have a relationship with Him. He alone knows what is good for every one of us.