Blessed art Thou Lord our Hashem Whose Will it is that I cry out to You in this moment of pain, out of love and yearning for You.
Please take me out of the grips of natural imagination and save me from the fallen emunah I have in memories and associations that are fraught with falsehood and deceptions.
No matter how real this distress feels, I choose to nullify what feels so compelling and real to me in favor of the emunah I have in the truth, that everything You create is good and that there is nothing but You in the world despite how it appears. All that exists is a mere opportunity given to me to have a relationship with You. I love You and am pursuing relationship in awe of how You have created the world.
Please redeem the holiness trapped in falsehood so that this opportunity unifies the holiness that is contained in both my body and my soul and that instead of the damaging thoughts, words or deeds that my natural inclination alone would lead to, I may instead be a worthy servant and a vessel to express Your kindness in my speech and deeds.
May my pleading with You in relationship with You, out of love and with emunah, be granted success and may Your flow of kindness into the world make it possible for the whole world to know You so that You Hashem may be revealed as the One Creator and Master, the King.
Email exchange with Rabbi Ari Posnack regarding the above tefilla:
RAP: Ours is to accept our distress, pains, yisurim, etc. Through this acceptance, these same pains or yisurim actually are seen as good in our eyes. The problem isn’t the pains or yisurim themselves, since kol man d’avid rachmana l’tav avid. Rather, the problem is that we have a lapse, where we do not see that good. To accept, fully, is to see the good. What then gets nullified is our hisnagdus (opposing force) to that which we formerly, mistakenly thought was “bad”.
Rachmana liba ba’ee. Hashem wants us to cry out from our HELPLESSNESS and DEPENDENCY on Him.
Shuli: yes i understand..is what i wrote not conveying that..it is intended to be a process where the emunah you describe can be applied
RAP – If the tefilla conveys that message for you, then the tefilla conveys that message – no questions asked! The challenge with words is that they are finite, and thus cannot ever capture the emuna or true sentiment we wish to convey. It’s a catch 22, but since we are stuck in this limited world, it’s the best we can do. That being said, this probably exists MUCH more in writing and conveying our ruchnius experiences to others; bein adam l’atsmo, we can experience fully what only we and Hashem will ever know.
May you continue to be zoche to such a sweet and holy direction!