Monthly Archives: April 2016

Step by step prayer when experiencing negative reaction asking to serve Hashem instead of self

Negative reaction!  When people think like this it shuts You out Hashem


Please I only wish to be connected to Your Love and be in Your service


Help me break the downward natural pulls I am experiencing


The natural experience is full of draws to imagination that take me away from remembering that all there is in the world is You


This is the place from which You wish for me to serve You, to call out to You, to acknowledge with the wisdom from Your Torah and Will that I remember in this challenge to call out to You in relationship


I have enough experiential  sense of the pleasure of being connected to You and enough experiential fear of being disconnected from You to know Your Oneness is the reality and not where imagination is being drawn to, to subjective goals that focus on reaching goals with steps that rely on the laws of nature, despite the powerful winds of emotion being experienced.  With that emunah I beg You to please redeem me from the pulls on my imagination.


Hopefully having cleared the way through this sincere supplication requesting with love in my heart for the reflection of Your sefiros to direct my speech and deeds, please connect imagination to Your Torah and compassion and give me the zechus of drawing into this dark place the light from a higher world, for this is the reason that You Hashem create us, to serve You by bringing Your compassion into the world by conquering our personal darkness.  May my plea uproot the will of imagination to cling anywhere else and heal the unrectified characteristics that are either natural or learned coping mechanisms, that are habits formed from past failures and aveiras.


I wish  for all the effort with which I make this offering in prayer to You to connect all survival instincts back to the reality of Your Oneness and all pursuits of happiness and pleasure to serving You in prayer and submission to Your Will so that Your compassion Hashem can be revealed in this world. p

Summary of terms we use in our daily work group

Living in the present – every moment is either an opportunity to serve Hashem through a positive commandment or through stopping ourselves from doing something we are commanded to not do


Our positive life mission is the positive expression of our life force, bringing through our thought speech and deeds a reflection of Torah or Hashem’s mercy (the use of free willed choice to do our positive life purpose is the root process of bringing into the world our good inclination using free will to choose to use imagination that clings to Hashem is One)  (yeud)


Our work to repair and refine our unrectified characteristics is a process of fertilizing with love and awe of Hashem’s Oneness anywhere we experience our life force trapped in a downward pull ( our effort to repair, using real free will, the unrectified nature-bound characteristics that are part of being alive is a process of filtering out everything that draws the naturally judgmental and correcting inclination with imagination  to do anything other than Torah or acts of mercy, and then absorbing the inclination into imagination that clings instead to serve Hashem in a unified way, with both inclinations) (tikun)


A downward pull is compelling evidence based on subjective experience that triggers our survival instincts and corresponding rationalized solutions that may inflict unintended damages that we rationalize based on the apparent threat to our survival or happiness  (negative charge)



Survival instincts are our will to live and reaction to threats and are intended to keep us alive (corrupted – with subjectivity – primal will)


Uncorrupted survival instincts are survival instincts that are based on emunah and bitachon, ein od milvado consciousness (Uncorrupted Primal will)


Hashem wants to have a relationship with us – in every moment we turn to Him (avodas Hashem – prayerful relationship):


Please take me out of this constricted experience!


Please save me from what corrupts my primal will, the coping mechanisms, post traumatic stress disorder, judgments, anxieties, and all fallen fears that have drawn my survival instincts to think they can somehow keep me alive and safe


Please redeem me from my past failures and the damages that I have caused and accept my confession and teshuva and turn them into merits for having taught me


Please connect all my survival instincts to the truth of Your Oneness, unifying my soul so that I may experience life as a vessel connected to You in  order that I may reflect Torah and Your Mercy into this world and do my unique mission, my yeud, with uncorrupted primal will

How do we really survive the adversities in our life? Understanding Emunah

One of the benefits of emunah is that we really come to trust that our survival is in Hashem’s hands and that the job description of life is a spiritual one that we can choose in every moment.


The sensory reality of our traumas and challenges form the ability for us to experience our survival instincts as if it is up to us.  Surely even the most proficient of us know this to be inherently false, although the more systems and information we have the more we feel as though we are doing our full adult responsibility and everything we can as far as we can go.


But we are not in control nor do we live forever.


Our survival is simply NOT in our hands and all the circumstances, characteristics, emotions, thoughts and responses that we go through our entire lives provide us with the opportunity to begin doing the work of life as Hashem intends it – that upon the wings of love and awe of Hashem, we use free will to draw His Mercy into our hearts, calming our physical nature and radiating outward into our speech and deed.  We are doorways for mercy and love.  What gets in the way?  The apparent existence of “I” with the responsibility of survival in my own hands.  And everyone feels this way.  Insurance, security systems, air bags, organic food….everything is to take care of our health and wellbeing to the degree that we can!  No one argues with this as wise.


The problem is that our instinct to survive is so strong more gets put into that category.  And if we had trauma in our background, or abuse, everything triggers our reaction as if our survival is at stake.  Not only that, all the thousands of years of persecution of our people made sure that our parents and grandparent and great grandparents all had coping mechanisms to manage their survival…..handed down coping mechanism upon anxiety upon post traumatic stress disorder to us.  Built in to the conduct role modeled for us are all the generations of evolving wisdom on how to make it in a world of adversity.


And now it is our generation, with bus bombs, terror tunnels, nuclear threat, senseless killings, hatred, and more.  What more coping mechanism could we possibly add?  What intellectual understanding can we bring that will assure survival?


Survival is not in our hands.  Emunah IS in our hands.  For those who just choked, kindly stay with me…no dismissing emunah please!


The survival instinct has no use for emunah whatsoever.  It wants to protect us using the methods of the world we see.


The survival instinct’s methods in the world we see though simply can only go so far.  And if we rely on these and close out emunah, we are actually closing out the ability of mercy and real survival to come through us. We are not here alone.  We do not have autonomous independent existence.  Our lifetime is to serve as a doorway through which Hashem’s mercy can be seen in this world.  We have real free will.  It is real.  We can choose or not to have awe in how Hashem has created the world, with each one of us thinking that the drama of our lives that compels us to direct our life force for our own happiness and survival based on the externalities of the world we see OR  we can sum up all of our experience and have insight that we can actually open a door for Hashem’s mercy to come into this world through offering our subjective self in personal prayer to Hashem beseeching Him to please accept our hearts as a vessel through which His Mercy would shine instead.


As soon as our bodies calm down, we realize we brought something from our higher soul into our body.  The more we do this, the more light.


We transform the darkness of the world through our free willed choice to submit our “I” as an offering to Hashem in prayer, an offering to be a heart through which Mercy can be seen instead of our brokenness.  We invite Mercy into our lives by realizing the truth – we can attach our survival to the Source of survival .  Our instinct to survive then becomes sweetened with mercy and our connection to Hashem strong with the very nature that before torments us.


May we choose to offer our hearts as doorways of mercy recognizing the futility of pursuing anything that would otherwise continue to rationalize bringing damages into the world on the basis of it being necessary for survival.  No damages are necessary for our survival.  Torah, prayer, and emulating Mercy are the functions we can fulfill every second through free willed choice and our survival is up to the Source.  There are no guarantees  But every second we can strive to choose truth over confusion of mind, a little more today than yesterday