Monthly Archives: November 2014

Identity is a choice – In Every Moment, Our Choices Define Us For All Eternity


Everyone struggles with myriads of feelings and challenges. Behind our feelings is a thought, and behind the thought can be an unconscious instinct or subconscious pattern that feel to us like a sensation. The sensation is a reaction to something built into our nature, and that generates a thought that comes to our mind. From that thought, our emotions flow, and from there our actions and speech.


Because we are unaware of what leads up to a thought coming into our mind, and sometimes we are unaware even of that thought but only of the emotions of anger or fear that thought may generate, it is important for us to comprehend our makeup so that we can build solid flooring and create for ourselves the ability to reach deeper in making meaningful choices regarding what we project into time and space.


We all know that sinking feeling in our stomach. It isn’t a thought. It is a sensation, and immediately our mind scans, what is wrong? What is the danger here or what is the disappointment?


For now, let’s go towards the sensation.


That sensation is coming from a part of our makeup that has a koach. We want all of our koach, all of our strength, to be used only to learn Torah, pray fervently, or do acts of kindness emulating Hashem’s 13 attributes of mercy. This is the meaning of the Shema.


That sensation is a part of our soul that is coming through to us in a constricted form through the physical being, our body and its makeup. There is strength there. In the moment we experience it, our processing mind, our native intellect, begins scanning for what is posing the danger. But we have a real choice, and that choice is to activate emunah in Hashem and realize that we have the opportunity to clean off the foundations of the world, water, fire, wind and earth, by exercising emunah and clinging to Torah , avoda and chesed. Doing so communicates to Hashem our love for Him and our desire to fold the koach, the strength, that He sends to us through our body and submit that strength too to His Service. Our desire is for Torah to be the intellect that generates our emotions and speech and deeds.


The horn of a ram is used and the first step is to knock out the cartilage. Once the cartilage is removed the horn can be bent and molded into a practical shape. Then it is hardened with cold running water. Then its looks are improved by sanding it down and adding curves.   To be blowable it needs a hole from end to end, all the way through.   Then the shofar is polished. And then it is checked to see if it can be blown through.


The sensation that we experience is like the cartilage with one difference – the vitalizing experience will become the strength of what we are able to deliver into the world through free willed choice to properly train it in serving Hashem.


The most important thing to understand about all of this is the role of prayer. We cannot move ANYTHING of our nature without Hashem. Prayer forms the spiritual being that leads us in the path we want to go, and each time we express our yearning for the distressing energy to instead be directed to serving Hashem, we gain more consciousness and more free willed choice the next time we are faced with that same sensation. Hashem gives us spiritually what we ask for when we use our speech and free will in this way.


The body that we have can have a depth from the deepest place in the world and through working with speech and deeds, we can bring a channel for Hashem’s light to be seen in this world.


We choose who we are. It takes effort, but that effort, each time we use emunah, prayer and free will because we yearn to reflect Hashem, is part of cleaning off the foundations of the world and maintaining the creation in a positive way.







Disarm the yetzer hara – glue our natural scanner to 13 attributes of mercy instead

The mind is constructed with fear of abandonment and fear of annihilation embedded in the unconscious and subconscious mind, and our senses scan, projecting where we may need to preserve ourselves onto the scenes in time and space. This nature is how the Soton, who is in charge of nature, is able to so easily invade the privacy of our mind, through the unconscious and subconscious, causing us to experience anxiety, anger, panic, outrage and more as human experience for which we need to go into action. Without Torah, we would listen to the good advice of the yetzer hara, our best lawyer, our friend, the one who has our best interests at heart – revealed truth is these “kickbacks” are worth it to the yetzer hara so that our souls go along with the deeds that keep us trapped in the kelipas of desire and honor, taiva and gaiva, thereby giving access of holiness to feed the lower realms of evil. If someone were to propose an investment for us of our money into a fund that was also selling weapons to our enemies, we would never invest in it. Why, then, do we succumb to whisperings of the yetzer hara?


When Moshe Rebbeinu went up to receive the Torah, the angels argued with Hashem, why are You involved with mankind? Why give the holy Torah to flesh and blood? The angels are the same angels that did not want Hashem to make mankind at the time of creation. Their goal is to convince Hashem to scrub the project, that mankind cannot possibly serve the role that Hashem desires, to be the entrée into time and space in this lower world that Hashem desires, wiping off the mask of nature in order to reveal His Glory. Hashem tells Moshe, grab onto the throne of Glory and answer them, to which Moshe begins to tell the angels that mankind needs the Torah, that we are the ones on the front line, that we can bring Hashem’s Glory into the world with free willed choice.


We DO have the Torah. And we ARE made in the image of Hashem’s 13 Attributes of Mercy. We do NOT have to believe the illusion of darkness that comes over us when our fears are triggered. We CAN glue our imagination to the truth that happiness comes from Torah Avoda and Gemilas Chesed, learning Torah, praying fervently to Hashem that all we want is Him in this world, and emulating His 13 Attributes of Mercy.


The rough landscaping of our lives that is triggered – our patterns, our anxieties, our blocks, all formed out of the instinctive fears of abandonment and annihilation.


The “cure” is to comprehend deeply more and more over time that being a soul is eternal and that we are constantly loved by Hashem and have intrinsic value because His is the only currency. His Glory fills the world.


Keeping the 9th commandment Do Not Bear False Witness means we can bring ourselves up from feelings of humiliation by remembering that we are not abandoned or annihilated because we are made in His Image, and that the other person who is exerting power and influence to subjugate us is also made in Hashem’s image and may only be reacting to their own fears of abandonment or annihilation without their realizing it. In fact, it may be so buried in both of our unconscious and subconscious that on the surface all we have are the time and space relatable conditions and concerns. But often these reach a stalemate, for in the end, it boils down to one subjective view versus another subjective view.


When we bring Hashem’s 13 attributes into the picture and remember that all parties are made in His Image, we have submitted to the truth, that all there is in the world is Hashem and our task is NOT related to another in time and space based on survival messages. Our survival is in the hands of Hashem alone, for the place of the world is Hashem’s mind. When we have clarity about that, we can move our sense of esteem from survival and self-aware goals of entitlement and honor to effort to reflect Him into the world by adopting Torah as the genesis of our emotions, speech and deeds.


Our scanner must be taken from the hands of the one running our unconscious and subconscious and be given over to our conscious choice and then connected to serving Hashem. We can do so by understanding how we are constructed and that all of our anxieties, angers and negative emotions stem from something that inherenetly is not true, but only designed to give us free will.


May our efforts to identify with being made in the image of Hashem’s 13 attributes of mercy become our experience of pleasure and happiness and may the light we shine bring a new light to the world.

Handrail of Torah to lead us to emulate Hashem


Please consider joining our Jewish women’s work group:  You can see the upcoming work we will begin Sunday at the Menuchas HaNefesh page


Please also visit designed to be a place of giving strength for the trait of watchfulness in whatever areas of cleanliness we need to reach for.


Please also hear Rebbetzin Heller speak about emunah

Lawlessness knocks down the man-made boundaries we set to outline the pursuits of happiness and pleasure in time and space

Without an understanding of the potential we have to experience pleasure based on gluing imagination to emulating the 13 Attributes of Mercy, the pleasure inherent in the soul becomes captured by the native intellect and associates with matters of time and space, mistaking temporary relief, moments of elation, comfort, fulfillment of appetite and other creature comforts as pleasure.  What choice the soul has is zero without Torah.  With Torah, we have an opening to the intellect we need to experience the pleasure mankind can achieve -not a hedonistic pleasure, but a transcendant pleasure of the soul that the body can also delight in.


Without Torah, the moments of being right and subjugating others to our goals is what comes from the side of the native intellect.  Yet in the end, if we could get absolutely everyone to subjugate to us, a week later, where would we derive our happiness from?  Inherently the matter must be seen and the intellect wise enough to realize the deception and seek to upgrade the intellect that forms our emotions, speech and deeds.


Blame and shame are tools of humiliation, threatening abandonment or annihilation or both, triggering a hollow feeling within us.  The more we come to see this at the root of every downward pull, the more we are able to unmask the deceiver and reach upwards to reconnect the part of us that has been deceived to truth and to the potential experience of pleasure in folding our rescued soul into speech and deeds that actually reveal the 13 attributes of mercy, flowing transcendant pleasure through us.


There are no shortcuts.  But we can begin to use the prayers to help us.  We have the Torah that tells us to hunt for this pleasure and not to let go of emulating the 13 attribures of mercy with our imagination always clinging to that as what we aspire to.  We can find the root of our downward pulls in fear of abandoment or fear of annihilation and then rescue our souls from its clutches with prayer and free willed choice!!

Looking ahead to the fast day of the 10th of teves on Rosh Chodesh Kislev – want something really good at Tisha B’av?

We fast on the 10th of Teves because Chazal tell us that it is on this fast day that Hashem looks into the world to see if this is the year for redemption.


Instead of waiting for the fast day, let’s invest a little in what Hashem will find when He looks at us this year.


We are all trembling from the horror that shakes us to the core.


Before Chanukah, we are doing battle with the darkness, facing new aspects of our yetzer hara that we named in Elul as areas that we wish to grow in, that we wish to bring from the side of natural to a more elevated condition of ethics and holiness.  During these days between the holidays and chanukah, as the days get shorter and darker, there is a remembrance of the fear that Adom had, that the world was going to come to an end because of his eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  After Chanukah when the days began to lengthen, it was still dark and still there is a great deal to bring from the side of impurity into service of Hashem, but we have hope again, we are not feeling as if we are in a free fall.


It is now , before Chanukah, that our emunah and our effort to live with emunah in doing battle with our own personal darkness can really bring a new light.  We want at Chanukah, when we light the menorah, to experience within ourselves at least a small amount of having been able to extract our tzelem elokim from being reactive to our subjective darknesses.  The first four moths of the year represent the head, the intellectual capacity of doing battle.  This means that with emunah, ratzon, and taanug, we are finding chochma and gluing our bina to Hashem’s 13 attributes of mercy.  With faith, will and seeking of real pleasure of touching Hashem’s attributes, we can trade out native intellect for the wisdom of Torah and glue our imagination to emulating Hashem’s 13 attributes of mercy as the only way to experience pleasusre.  This mental excerise should produce a freeing from our native intellect to a certain degree that by Chanukah we may see a small root from which we can go forward into the emotional torso portion of the year.


The tenth of Teves is the day that Hashem takes a look at us.  How have we done so far with istilling Torah into intellectual attainments that will build the emotions?  Chanukah is the final final final  sealing of Yom Kipur after Hoshana Raba .  How are we doing?  There is no way to cram or pull an all-nighter on this type of work.


There are many resources posted at for anyone who would like to make an effort NOW, before the 10th of Teves.

Women wishing to join our menuchas hanefesh work group are invited to do so by sending an email to

to find out what we will be doing, please visit



Esteem is based on true identity and effort Getting choice over unconscious and subconscious mind

Part of the potential of every person is hidden like a raw strength, like an un-mined natural resource,  in the unconscious or subconscious.  The Creator buries in human nature a certain potential for us to accomplish our “mission” when we are able to redeem its strengths by leading the Creator’s 13 attributes of mercy into our actions energized with those strengths that we, through prayer and choice, extract from the grip of deception.

These unconscious strengths feel overwhelming to us.  Understanding the map of our soul helps us to believe that there is hope and to develop the powers of the soul – will, pleasure and emunah – we CAN choose and through these choices ask the Creator to lead us in the path we wish to go.  The area that we have choice is what we will now clarify.

When we experience an urge from the unconscious or subconscious, we do not have choice about that in the moment.  What comes to mind is sent to us with the full knowledge of the Creator.  Yet understanding that the Creator does have full control over nature, including human nature, and that He gives us the unique gifts of free will and speech that distinguish a person from other life forms, we begin to see a pocket of air above our experience and the opening of a doorway to our true identity.

Our esteem is our effort to use free will and speech to triumph the intellect of Torah over our native intellect.  The effort that we are empowered to make is totally within our choice and ability, because it is simply to speak earnest words of prayer beseeching the Creator to shift the life force challenging us with negative urges to life force flowing through us to reflect His 13 attributes into the world.   The task of speaking using free will can accomplish a shift in our nature because when we speak, we create a spiritual being that leads us in the path we want to go.  The next time we are faced with the challenging negative urge, that spiritual being that we created will be with us and we will have more consciousness and more insight and more ability to make a better choice. It may take time, but each time we beseech the Creator to help us in this way, we form more and more spiritual beings that are there for us and help us at our free will point in the moment.  As we move our identity into basing our esteem on our effort to do this, we form an image of our true identity as made in the image of the Creator’s 13 attributes of mercy and a sense of the clarity and pleasure we experience for every step we take towards that identity.  Eventually, the pleasure we can experience by identifying ourselves as made in the image of the Creator’s 13 attributes of mercy will enable us to not be attracted to whatever pleasures the previous unconscious or subconscious deceptions of native intellect whisper.  And we can toss away that native intellect, just as we discard the foreskin at a briss.  In this way we circumcise our hearts to consciously choose to lead the 13 Attributes of mercy into time and space through our speech and deeds.

Humiliation is one of the biggest tests.  Our unconscious and subconscious minds fear abandonment and annihilation.  When others humiliate us, our neuro-circuitry for both of these fears is triggered and our sense of entitlement causes us to react in accordance with native intellect, trying to take back love and value.  Instead, we do damage to others and to ourselves.  Why?

No one take take away our love and value.  The love of the Creator for the image of His 13 attributes of mercy that He gives to us that gives us life and vitality does not stop during this life time or the next.   And the very fact that the Creator has given us life through a soul that is empowered to emulate His 13 attributes of mercy give us value.  These truths must be understood, for they are the key to seeing our true identity and the purpose for which the Creator has made a world and mankind.

When we are challenged, we must realize we have confusion of mind!  For the steps, please see affirmations for emunah from Torah which is designed to help Build Emunah – Reorganize light within based on love and awe of Hashem

We can no longer afford to define mankind as a living being in time and space alone, for the basis of happiness and pleasure on those terms is being taken out of the world.  In order to experience the material pleasures of the world, we must shift to seeing material pleasure as only that which helps us fulfill our purpose.  The attainment of any goal in time and space, once obtained, does not provide lasting pleasure or happiness.   A week after we get a new car or a month after we get a new job, the initial happiness fades and life resumes.

In order to have true pleasure and happiness in time and space, we exercise our free will and speech to be a vessel flowing the 13 attributes of mercy into the world.  Touching the Creator in this way is what is sustaining and lasting, not only for this world but for all eternity.

Our determination and will power to cling to emulating 13 attributes of mercy is the basis for esteem and for happiness and pleasure.

Releasing our yearning for happiness and pleasure from the deceiving arguments of native intellect requires us to accept that mankind is made in the image of the 13 attributes of mercy. in order to reflect them into time and space.


root of the soul

Edited affirmations for emunah – to clarify


Summary Affirmations for Emunah from the Torah

Summary from Affirmations for Emunah  –
Bitul/Shifless:  Fulfilling identity as being made btzelem elokim with love in our hearts

Ein od milvado – there is nothing in the world but Hashem

  • Remembering the Creator and His Omniscience, the first commandment, IMMEDIATELY begins the alignment with the Creator

Man is made in the image of Hashem’s 13 Attributes of Mercy

  • If there is no other power, the second commandment, what am I?  Hashem glorifies us with a tzelem elokim made in the image of His 13  attributes of mercy.  Our life force is filled by a reflection of His 13 attributes of mercy from the crown, the keser, which He gives us the commandment to emulate by putting His Attributes in the tip of the yud in the name Havaya,  empowering us with built in emunah, pleasure, and free will. 

Free will: Everything is in the hands of Shamayim, except for Yir’as Shemayim” Berachos 33 (h) (R. Chanina)

  •   When our natural native intellect automatically runs, we have free will to remember that in that moment, we can choose to emulate the Creator Who is bearing the burden of our confusion of mind in thinking that our native intellect should determine our emotions speech and deeds.  Instead, we move to bearing the burden of our own confusion of mind, moving us into consciousness that it is our choice to live as being made in the image of the Creator’s 13 attributes of mercy as our identity over the natural taivas and gaivas.  We have free will to choose who we become and the nullification of our previous negative feelings that came from being based on native intellect is our personal akeidas Yitzchok. 

Personal Prayer – the power of speech:

  • Air (aleph, vav, vav, yud, raish) is light (aleph vav raish) plus two letters of Hashem’s Name yud and vav (Saying Hashem Echad releases breath and therefore light from the constricted presentation)
  • How long wilt thou conceal from me the light of the blessed En Sof, which pervades all the worlds; which was, is, and will be the same, including also this place where I stand, just as the light of blessed En Sof was alone before the world was created, without any change is  written, “for I , the Lord have not changed, for He transcends time..” Likutei Amarim Ch 29 p. 129
    • recognize the constricted presentation as Hashem’s light from the upper worlds coming to our ruach in order that we bear the burden of the confusion of mind so as to speak Hashem Echad and have compassion on the Shechina so that it may be released through our words Hashem Echad forming a positive spiritual being that leads us in the path we want to go for healing and brachas.
  • Ein od milvado – when a person subjugates and attaches the purity of his thoughts in the one Master only, then Hashem will nullify all of the forces in the world against him so that they won’t have any power at all The reward of a commandment is the commandment itself , because by virtue of performing it, the person suffuses a flood of light of the blessed En Sof from above downards, to be clothed in the corporeality of the world, in something that was previously under the dominion of the kelipat nogah, from which it had received its vitality (Tanya ch. 37 p. 167)  


Launching a website to help with watchfulness as instructed in Mesillas Yesharim

As an outgrowth of this blog, please see also 

The new website is designed to help all of us strengthen ourselves in the area of watchfulness for the parts of our unconscious and subconscious minds that we wish to bring more to consciousness and free willed choice.

Feedback appreciated!!  It is still under construction