When we take a look at our negative reactions, we can find out a great deal about what is going on deeper in our subconscious if we ask ourselves certain questions, with the aim of comprehending our reactions as coming from either taiva or gaiva, desire or arrogance. IT IS UP TO US TO PULL OURSELVES OUT OF THE KELIPAS, OUT OF THE GRIP OF TAIVA AND GAIVA, WE DO SO BY GLUING OURSELVES TO TORAH, PERSONAL HEARTFELT PRAYER AND AVODA, AND EMULATING HASHEM’S ATTRIBUTES OF MERCY. TORAH TEFILLA AND CHESED.
What happened – describe it like a news report?
How did you emotionally respond, what did you do in response? What is the image that you had of yourself and how did what happened differ from that image? Where was what happened lacking in upholding the image or expectation you had? Write it in terms of desires such as for love, attention, kindness, understanding or terms of independent existence such as for value, honor, security, recognition. Doing so will show if the root is a fear of abandonment or a fear of annihilation for not having the desired image maintained
When you look back upon it, of the ways you responded, which have brought you closer to reflecting 13 attributes of mercy over the natural responses and how? And which ones brought you farther from triumphing the 13 attributes of mercy over the natural responses?
What were you thinking and feeling when you reacted in a way or in part of a way that brought you closer to Hashem’s 13 attributes? Farther? Be specific. As much as you can remember about what you were thinking and feeling is helpful here.
Try to discern of the thinking and feeling that brought you closer or farther, which played a role, taiva/desire/chesed or gaiva/arrogance/anger/fear/fire? For example, what did you hope those thoughts and feelings would do for you that would bring happiness?
Remembering that happiness comes from learning torah, praying with passion to Hashem in personal hisbodidus, and emulating His 13 attributes of mercy, and that the Source of all vitality is Hashem, and that all passion/fire is for the heart to cling to torah ,prayer and kindness, find the place of imagination within that went to trying to find happiness in the worldly matter and with white fire will say Hashem Echad and ask Hashem to please help you glue that imagination now to Torah avoda or chesed, say it out loud, asking Hashem to please help you release the tzelem elokim trapped looking for happiness in this taiva or gaiva and instead connect it to Torah, avoda, or kindness.
Now write down your insights, for what needs to be repaired, tikun.